Re: And Finally... Thing #3

This is my final (and my favorite) repost from 2011. Share it with all of your friends and family - we need to raise awareness about PCD! And while you're at it, find a way to follow Life Before the Bucket! Happy New Year!

Picture this:

You wake up in the morning. You cough a few times, and a little phlegm comes up. You hardly notice and swallow it, willing yourself to find the energy to move out of bed. You crawl out, walk out of the bedroom, and quickly find something to drink - you know it'll be painful otherwise. 

Unfortunately, you don't reach the kitchen in time. The coughing begins again, only this time, you can't suppress it. It won't stop. And you're not even coughing anything up! Next thing you know, you're desperately swallowing air, trying to keep from throwing up the contents of your stomach. You fumble through the cabinets for a cup as you're still trying to control your body. You quickly run it under the sink - oops, the water was on warm (no time to worry about that now) - and take a swig of the lukewarm water.

Your chest depresses, your shoulders relax, and your breathing slows a little. You might still cough, but for whatever reason, it's controlled now. And now you're out of breath from walking to the kitchen.

You lean on the counter for support. You huff and you puff, but there's very little respite besides waiting and hoping your heart rate and breathing slows. A few minutes later, you've caught your breath enough to make some coffee. At least this part of the day isn't so bad...

Sounds rough, right? 

It is.

That's life as usual with my lungs. And that's only the first 10 minutes of the day.

So without further ado, I introduce Thing #3 to you...

Thing #3 is... Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia.

Ugh. My misplaced heart sinks a little just typing it.

I know, I know. You're scratching your head again. Hopefully, you've already read about Thing #1and Thing #2. If not, you really should. They much more upbeat and fun. If you've already read about them, though, you should have figured out that all of this is too wacky for anyone to make up. I do, indeed, have three diseases that any spelling bee champion would be proud to spell: situs inversus, hydrocephalus, and primary ciliary dyskinesia.

Now if we want to get technical, doctor's actually describe the combination of Thing #1 and Thing #3 as Kartagener Syndrome (which is a lot easier to say and spell). Statistics say that approximately 10,000 people in the United States are living with this diagnosis. However, not nearly that many people have actually been diagnosed. The backwards heart and organs is pretty obvious. The lung disease? Not so much.

Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia (PCD) is, quite frankly, a pain in the butt. The overly simplistic way that some doctorsmay describe it is that it is similar to Cystic Fibrosis (which a lot of people have heard of). However, that's just not true. PCD is not CF. However, because PCD is so stinking rare, it's treated like CF, because that's alldoctors know how to do.

The best way I know how to explain PCD is as follows. Basically, you have little finger-like entities all over your body called "cilia." These little fingers work to keep things flowing. Unfortunately, my cilia are dysfunctional, sluggish, and just don't work right (for whatever reason). As you can imagine, this is a problem.

Because these fingers in my lungs don't work, my lungs collect mucus. Lots and lots of mucus. Buckets worth, I'm sure (though I've never coughed up that much). And as this mucus collects, infections occur. And then my lungs get sick, get damaged, and I can't breathe. Throw a little asthma in there, and breathing becomes really fun. 

Treatment is, in a word, stupid. I'm grateful for the great doctors I have, and they take great care of me, but much just isn't know about how to treat this disease. It's so rare that research on it is difficult, and therefore, treatment is usually just a hit and miss sort of thing. Here's a taste of what I endure enjoy every day for my lungs:

First of all, there's this little toy. This bad boy is called a nebulizer. You might have seen one (or even used one) before, because they're often used in hospitals and emergency rooms to administer breathing treatments.

Basically, what happens is I put a little vial of liquid into the canister you see here, and the machine turns it into a vapor that I can inhale. I am able to get more medicine into my body this way, as opposed to using inhalers (though I do have a few of those).

Here, you can see boxes of two out of the three nebulizer medications that I take on a daily basis. In fact, I have to take all three medicines twice a day, minimum. Three to four times on a bad day. And let me tell you, that time adds up quick.On average, I spend an hour a day doing breathing treatments. 

The breathing treatments actually help a little, mostly because they're designed to aid my asthma (which people actually know how to treat). The medicines pictures here are combined into the nebulizer and really help my breathing for an hour or two after I take them.

The other medication I use is actually used for people with CF, but it seems to help my PCD, too. It thins out the mucus in my lungs, making it easier to cough up. However, that's the hard part: actually getting the mucus out of my lungs. It requires a little work, because it doesn't just magically appear, turning itself over to be disposed of (though that would be awfully nice!).

Instead, I get the pleasure of being beaten to a bloody pulp twice a day for twenty minutes (and more on a bad day). The instigator? This thing you see pictured to the left.

I like to call him Thor.

Affectionately so, of course.

Thor is a good friend of mine. He's been in my life for over 10 years, though he recently got an upgrade. Basically, what Thor does is he pumps air through the tubes you see in the picture into a vest (which is on top of the machine). The vest is strapped onto my body like a life-jacket. The air pumps in, it beats me senseless for twenty minutes, and I hope it helps.

My wife has all sorts of amusing descriptions for Thor. However, I think Thor probably deserves an entire post of his own, so I'll let him rest... for now.

This is a lot to digest, I know. Just stick with me a few more minutes.

To be frank, I hate Thing #3. It sucks. Or doesn't suck, I guess, because if it sucked, it would mean I could breathe...

Thing #3 wouldn't be such a problem if it could be aggressively treated. However, this is the Catch 22 of my marriage. When we were wed, we lost our health insurance. And ever since then, I haven't been able to get it because it's either too expensive or it won't cover my diseases.

Now trust me when I say I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything. However, not having healthinsurance is a pain in the rear. I can't see specialists, I can't afford treatments or certain diagnostic tools (such as CT scans), and therefore, Thing #3 only gets worse.

I know, I know. I need to get off my bum and get a job. That's what most people think when they hear about people without health insurance. That's the problem, though. My lungs are in such bad shape that I can't work full-time. I'm barely hanging in with my internship, and that's a job where I sit all day and only move when absolutely necessary. And even then, I hack my lungs up a few times a day.

There's really not much I can do about it right now, honestly. I'm currently applying for disability at the ripe old age of 21 (I was already denied once when I was 19) and praying for the best, but I know that the government isn't supposed to be my savior.

However, my mother-in-law, in her infinite wisdom, thought of something I should have come up with more than a few years ago. She has set up a health fund in my name.

Now let me say this, first and foremost. I am NOT a charity case. I hate the thought of ever being paraded around like someone who is helpless and can't forge their own way in life. However, I also know that there's pride in me about this that doesn't need to be there.  

That is why I'm telling you about this.

My mother-in-law has set up a Facebook page where she keeps everyone posted on how I'm doing and stuff going on with Thing #3, and I'd love it if you would check it out. Just search on Facebook for "Adrian Waller Health Fund." Or click here to request to be part of the group.

I'd love it if you'd join, just to keep updated on how I'm doing. And if you feel able to help financially, I wouldn't argue with you. We have a bank account setup called "Adrian Waller, Medical Expenses Fund," and I use the money to help pay for appointments with doctors and medicines (which add up a lot faster than you think). If you're interested in helping out, but have questions, you can send me an e-mail at (awaller1990@gmail.com), and I'd be glad to answer any questions you have.

Basically, though, I'd just love it if you prayed for me. Life is hard. Very, very hard. It's hard not to be able to do things that normal people do. It's hard to not be able to walk without wheezing. It's frustrating to me that my condition keeps me from doing things I love: sports, singing, and sometimes even writing. But I know that God is taking care of me. He wouldn't have allowed me this far only to let me shrivel up and die. So I'll keep fighting, because I know I'm alive for a reason, even if living is hard most days.

Thanks SO much for caring enough to read. Please, please, please share this with your friends. It would mean the WORLD to me.

Re: Sweet Chaos

Here's a post from the summer that I think you'll truly enjoy. Leave some feedback and share it with your friends and family!

This weekend was crazy.

This weekend was awesome.

This weekend was the most fun I've had in a long time.

And this picture pretty much summarizes it:

Sweet, sweet chaos. That's the only way to describe it.

We spent the past weekend hanging out with a lot of people we had only ever met once in our lives, and a lot of other people we had never seen before. It didn't matter, though. Love was in the air. It was a different sort of love, though. A sweet, chaotic, beautiful love - one only possibly born of God.

How else can you explain this situation? 

30 people, all unrelated, gathering together...

In the name of adoption.

In the name of love.

In the name of worshiping God, who has brought us all together, regardless of geographical or biological distance.

For their children, whom they love with all of their hearts.

For their children, who may be a little tanner than the rest of us, but are the most beautiful sightin the world.

For their children, who were alone, but now have a place they can always call home and people they can always call family.

This weekend was a picturesque portrayal of God's love. It was out of control, chaotic, fussy, messy, and a little cranky at times. But there has never been a more beautiful, more sincere, more passionate love among a group of people. And it is that love which pulls my heart-strings. It'sthat love which brings me peace. It's that love that moves my heart toward adoption, toward love.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. [Ephesians 1:5]

I believe this weekend gave God great pleasure. He saw his children, adopted through his Son, caring for his little ones, who they had chosen to adopt in love.

I can't wait for the day that God leads us down that same path. And it's coming soon - my heartcan feel it.

How have you experienced adoption in your life? Has it been a positive or negative experience? Do you have relatives or friends that are adopted? How has that shaped who they are? Have you ever considered adopting a child? Why or why not?

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else!). Just leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail!

Re: She Said Yes!

This is a continuation of reposts from 2011. Enjoy, leave some feedback, and share this with your friends if you enjoyed it!

We're goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get marrrrried...

Okay, just kidding. 

Been there, done that. One wedding was enough for me!

Today, two years ago, my wife and I stood before hundreds of people and proclaimed our love for each other. At the ripe, young age of 19, we knew who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, and we weren't ashamed.

Too young? Psh.

Too tough? Yeah right.

Too much for a 19 year old to handle? Wrong-o!

Two years ago today, we were wed. But five years ago, to this very day, we started dating. And we continue to date to this day.  

Yes, married people still date each other. 

It's way better than pre-marriage dating.

Truuuust me.

So, in honor of our five years of dating, I'd like to share with you five things I've learned since being married.

1. She is always right.

You and I both knew this was coming. It's the first thing most guys learn after being married for any amount of time. No matter what, no matter where, now matter when or how. She. Is. Right. Is she wrong? Too bad. She's right. Does it make sense? No. Does it work, though? Definitely.

2. When you marry the girl, you marry the family.

Now I definitely have to be careful about what I say here, because her family does read this blog from time to time... just kidding! I love them! Having a set of in-laws is like having an extra set of parents, which is great more times than it's not. But I definitely could've used a little more warning about how true this is before I got hitched.

3. I married the most beautiful girl alive.

No, this isn't open to discussion. I did, and that's that. Just look at her! 

4. There is an appropriate length for every piece of hair on my head. 

This most certainly coincides with the first thing that I've learned - she's always right. Every single piece of hair has its place on my head, and if it gets outta control, Kalyn will let me know. Is my hair getting a little long? Always. Is my mustache starting to show itself? Shave immediately. Is there hair anywhere on the sides of my face? Get that razor out. Is my beard longer than it is in that picture? Gotta find the beard trimmer before Kalyn trims it herself. 

(Okay, she's actually pretty nice about it. I'm just telling you what I know!)

5. You don't stop pursuing the love of your life after you get married.

This is probably the most important thing that I've learned over the last two years that I missed before I got married. And it doesn't mean you start seeking more wives after you find your first one (unless you're into that sort of thing). Most of us (guys, at least) are left with the impression that once we say "I do," there's no more work to be done. You've got the girl - what else do you need? Well, there's a lot more to it than that.

You see, I love my wife. And I love her too much to stop pursuing her. She deserves my very best, and I want to try my hardest to keep winning her love. I want her to keep liking me as she did before we were married. Therefore, I am going to keep pursuing her like I did before we walked down the figurative aisle.

This girl means the world to me, and I am amazed every day at how much she cares about me. So today, this is just one of the ways that I want to say...

I love you, Kalyn!

I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment or send me an e-mail! And while you're at it, "Like" the Life Before the Bucket Facebook page and find a way to follow this blog!

Re: Captchaphobia

In order to enjoy the holidays with people (instead of my laptop), I'm going to be reposting a few of my favorite posts from 2011. Enjoy and remember to follow Life Before the Bucket!

Alright, I've got a bone to pick with the Internet. Does the Internet have bones? I don't know. But I'm going to pick one anyway.

Let me preface things with this: I'm pretty good with computers. I understand technology, and I can navigate the Internet like nobody's business. If you need to know something, I can usually figure it out.

However, what I cannot, for the life of me, figure out, are Captchas.

Captchas are this evil invention that keeps spammers from flooding websites with nonsensical dribble about their diet pills that can help you lose 500 lbs in a day. However, they are also so coolthat they keep me away from stuff at times. Absurd!

Please tell me I'm not alone in this. Please tell me I'm not the only person who has "failed" a captcha online. Especially on Facebook. I'm not sure what it is about the captchas on there, but they're meant for space aliens. They don't make any sense! My blood pressure rises a little each time I see that familiar box pop up to confirm that I'm a Homosapien, or at least a really smart monkey. And sometimes, the pressure gets to me.

So maybe I'm crazy, and a little out of my mind, but I'm all for getting rid of captchas. I've had enough of my intelligence being insulted with ridiculous word puzzles every time I want to tell a friend "Happy Birthday" on Facebook. I don't want word puzzles; I just want to use the Internet!

So let's start a petition. Let's get rid of captchas. Until there's a way that people can simply verify that they're human by using a computerized heart rate monitor or blood test, I say... Bring on the spam!

Okay, so maybe I'm being a little facetious. But seriously, am I the only one who has ever failed one of these? Are there any other Internet peculiarities that fluster you? Leave me a comment and let me hear about it! Or e-mail me - I love responding to e-mails! And while you're at it, Share this post with one of those little buttons right there and find a way to follow Life Before the Bucket!

The "I Don't Care" of Christmas

This is a follow-up to another post I recently wrote. Enjoy!

So apparently there's this big holiday coming up. People are getting excited, and for some reason, extra mushy-gushy. Something about presents, a tree, and some other nonsense. Yada, yada, yada.

Is there any chance that this echoes how you feel around this time of the year?

If so, you're not alone.

Every year around this time, I get a little (read: very) cynical. Frankly, I stop caring about Christmas.

Say whaaaaaaaaat?!

Yeah, I know. I'm not a good American. Or Christian. Or both. Something like that. Feel free to stone me, if you please. But hear me out before you do.

I'm so fed up with everything about Christmas. This post should have made that clear enough. It celebrates everything I hate about America. Our materialism. Our self-centeredness. Our excessive wealth.

More than that, though, it celebrates a fundamental truth about each and every one of us: there's an emptiness inside of us that needs to be filled. We each recognize it to some extent and go to extravagant measures to fill it. Sadly, all the stuff in the world can't patch the crater that exists in our souls.

Sure, some of us think that "Jesus is the reason for the season." If that's really the case, why don't we show that? Christmas season lasts about a month, and yet we only dedicate a few hours of that month to "the reason" for it. Sounds like a big, fat lie to me.

Instead, we dedicate hundreds of hours to shopping, wrapping, and opening presents. The culmination of it all comes Christmas morning around the Christmas tree as we try our hardest to top the "magical" feeling we had the year before. Really, though, we're just looking to get more stuff than the year before, and if we don't, it's a "bad" Christmas.

None of it makes sense.

As I've thought about this, I've wondered what I can do to rekindle the true meaning of Christmas, even for a moment. I've submitted to the fact that, by myself, I can't make Christmas about what it truly should be. And it may never mean what it should. However, I have found that if I can claim moments of Christmas for what it should be, that must be better than nothing.

So I remember...

I remember the silence - the hundreds of years before Jesus' birth when everyone thought God had died.

I remember the pain - a teenage girl giving birth in a barn.

I remember the hopelessness - a child born at the worst possible time.

But I also remember...

God speaking. Not through word, but in action. Instead of just saying, "I'm still here," He came.

The healing. A broken family, united in love by a child.

The hope. A savior, born to bear the sins of the world, to give us a second chance at life.

And so, like Mary, I treasure these things. 

In a world of broken busyness and extravagant excess, I remember that I have a father who was willing to sacrifice everything for me, and not so I could spend my time giving people stuff they don't need.

People need to hear God's voice. People need to be healed. People need a new hope.

People need Christmas.

I need Christmas.

And though you don't care about it, maybe you do too.

... ... ...

Questions: Do you care about Christmas? What is your favorite part about the holiday? What can you do to enjoy Christmas more?