Take a Moment

You and I, we're separated by a lot. Maybe you aren't in the same city as me. Or the same state. Heck, maybe you don't live in the same country as me. Or believe in the same God as me. Maybe you're not an introvert like me. There's a strong possibility that you're not the same gender as me. And most likely, you don't obsess over coffee like me.

However, we have something in common. We share something. To see this, I want you to look around for a moment. Tilt the laptop screen down, take a slow, deep breath, and take in your surroundings. Chances are, you saw what I just saw as I was digging for something to write about...

People.

photo credit: ontzy - stock.xchng

They're everywhere. And unless you're a hermit living in Antarctica (in which case, I applaud you), you're surrounded by them. Maybe they're in the same room as you. Or maybe there's just a picture of them hanging in front of you, serving as a reminder of actual people who have impacted your life.

Either way, you live among people and in relationship with others. These people make a radical difference in the way you live your life. And when you think about it, it's amazing how certain people can hinder you from living life to the fullest while others can push you to live life more fully.

Take a moment. Right now, if you please, to thank those people. They make you who you are. Without them, where would you be? Who would you be? What would you be? And after you thank them, ask for their help, because you need it. I know this because without the people in my life, I too would be helpless.

Take a moment and ask them to push you this year. To build you up instead of tearing you down. To help you be yourself rather than who they want you to be. These people, they matter. And whether they're hanging in a picture frame or sitting next to you as you read, you wouldn't be half the person you are without them.

Remember those people as this year progresses, those people who make you who you are. And let them help you. Let them carry you when necessary. And when it's your turn, help them back. Be their shoulder to cry on. 

Regardless of how many goals or resolutions you accomplish this year, take a moment and remember the people around you. Because they matter. Because they care. And most of all, because you wouldn't be you without them.

... ... ...

Questions: Who has impacted you most in your life? What have they done to impact you? Who can you thank today for helping you to become the person you want to be?

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Life Happens

It's the third day of 2012 - January 3rd, in case you missed it.

How many resolutions have you already given up on?

It's amazing how a new year reinvigorates us. Once the clock strikes midnight on the 1st, we feel like superheroes; we can do anything!

And then it happens.

Your car won't start. Your laptop crashes. You lose your job.

Who saw that coming?

That's what we like to call life.

In 2011, I managed to accomplish 44 goals. When I originally wrote out my list of goals, though, I was sure I could accomplish more. However, I didn't envision my health declining so quickly as we found out I had the lungs of an 85 year old. Life happened.

And so, as 2012 begins, I want to share something with you. This is important, so listen up.

No, seriously. You should write this down.

What I want to share is this: regardless of how much we try, we cannot keep bad things from happening.

photo credit: dnabil - stock.xchng

Sometimes, life locks the door and refuses to let us in.

What we can do, though, is realize that life won't go "according to plan," and, well, plan accordingly.

How will you react when your best friend moves away? Or when your car is broken into? How about when a family member passes away unexpectedly?

Choose now, right here in this moment, to overcome. To rise above your circumstances and realize that they are just that: circumstances, which will inevitably change. Instead of fearing the curve balls life will throw you, choose to take a swing at them. Go down swinging instead of watching life pass you by.

You'll be surprised at how much you can accomplish.

You may be determined to live life to the fullest today, but when tomorrow comes and it happens, how will you choose to react?

Choose today to become something more.

Choose to react with courage and determination.

Choose to live life instead of simply letting life happen to you.

... ... ...

Questions: What unexpected obstacles did you face in 2011? What do you expect to face in 2012? What can you do today to give yourself a better chance to succeed tomorrow?

Don't forget to "Like" Life Before the Bucket on Facebook and to use those new buttons down there to share it with your friends and family!

Starting Strong

It's that time of year again: memories of a year passed are being revisited, new goals are being set, and none of us can seem to write the date correctly.

Don't worry, you'll figure out that it's 2012 just in time for it to be 2013. 

I'd like to think that this is the time of year when Life Before the Bucket should be in its prime. And since this blog was birthed from my bucket list, the beginning of a new year screams, "WRITE ABOUT YOUR NEW GOALS!"

But first, I want to remember. To recall. To enjoy what has happened so that I can appreciate what's to come.

Last year, I set 111 goals to accomplish in 2011. Needless to say, I didn't achieve them all. However, I definitely did more than I would have if I didn't have the goals in the first place. I managed to cross fourty-four goals off of my list last year. And if I would've tried harder, I could have done more.

And isn't that always the issue?

We work, we play, and we live life, hoping to make the best of it. But sometimes, we don't want to try any longer. We form a skewed sense of entitlement: "I've done this well so far; why do I need to keep applying  myself?"

And therein lies a critical mistake that we make in most of our endeavors: we stop trying.

This habit forms early, while we're still in school. We go through 12 years of school, and by the time we hit the 13th - our senior year - we think we deserve a break! After all, we have already shown that we can do the "school" thing for twelve straight years; why should we keep trying? Fortunately, most of us manage to survive school, despite such an attitude.

But life isn't school. You don't get to skate through the "classes" you don't enjoy. You don't get to "graduate."  Instead, life demands that you face it head-on until you've breathed your very last.

Sure, you've done pretty well in life so far - after all, look at all of your accolades! And while you should be commended for how you've fought so far to live a life of intentionality, it doesn't stop here. It's a new year, people, and there are new challenges ahead.

I, for one, am excited. Ecstatic, even. I can't wait to make 2012 one of the most memorable years of my life. But I can't do that if I don't try.

So as you begin 2012, consider making one of your resolutions to try harder than you did last year. Let this year be different. Make it impossible to say, "And if I would've tried harder, I could have done more."

Because you can try harder, and I know you will.

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Questions: What are some of your goals for 2012? How can you try harder this year? 


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Re: And Finally... Thing #3

This is my final (and my favorite) repost from 2011. Share it with all of your friends and family - we need to raise awareness about PCD! And while you're at it, find a way to follow Life Before the Bucket! Happy New Year!

Picture this:

You wake up in the morning. You cough a few times, and a little phlegm comes up. You hardly notice and swallow it, willing yourself to find the energy to move out of bed. You crawl out, walk out of the bedroom, and quickly find something to drink - you know it'll be painful otherwise. 

Unfortunately, you don't reach the kitchen in time. The coughing begins again, only this time, you can't suppress it. It won't stop. And you're not even coughing anything up! Next thing you know, you're desperately swallowing air, trying to keep from throwing up the contents of your stomach. You fumble through the cabinets for a cup as you're still trying to control your body. You quickly run it under the sink - oops, the water was on warm (no time to worry about that now) - and take a swig of the lukewarm water.

Your chest depresses, your shoulders relax, and your breathing slows a little. You might still cough, but for whatever reason, it's controlled now. And now you're out of breath from walking to the kitchen.

You lean on the counter for support. You huff and you puff, but there's very little respite besides waiting and hoping your heart rate and breathing slows. A few minutes later, you've caught your breath enough to make some coffee. At least this part of the day isn't so bad...

Sounds rough, right? 

It is.

That's life as usual with my lungs. And that's only the first 10 minutes of the day.

So without further ado, I introduce Thing #3 to you...

Thing #3 is... Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia.

Ugh. My misplaced heart sinks a little just typing it.

I know, I know. You're scratching your head again. Hopefully, you've already read about Thing #1and Thing #2. If not, you really should. They much more upbeat and fun. If you've already read about them, though, you should have figured out that all of this is too wacky for anyone to make up. I do, indeed, have three diseases that any spelling bee champion would be proud to spell: situs inversus, hydrocephalus, and primary ciliary dyskinesia.

Now if we want to get technical, doctor's actually describe the combination of Thing #1 and Thing #3 as Kartagener Syndrome (which is a lot easier to say and spell). Statistics say that approximately 10,000 people in the United States are living with this diagnosis. However, not nearly that many people have actually been diagnosed. The backwards heart and organs is pretty obvious. The lung disease? Not so much.

Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia (PCD) is, quite frankly, a pain in the butt. The overly simplistic way that some doctorsmay describe it is that it is similar to Cystic Fibrosis (which a lot of people have heard of). However, that's just not true. PCD is not CF. However, because PCD is so stinking rare, it's treated like CF, because that's alldoctors know how to do.

The best way I know how to explain PCD is as follows. Basically, you have little finger-like entities all over your body called "cilia." These little fingers work to keep things flowing. Unfortunately, my cilia are dysfunctional, sluggish, and just don't work right (for whatever reason). As you can imagine, this is a problem.

Because these fingers in my lungs don't work, my lungs collect mucus. Lots and lots of mucus. Buckets worth, I'm sure (though I've never coughed up that much). And as this mucus collects, infections occur. And then my lungs get sick, get damaged, and I can't breathe. Throw a little asthma in there, and breathing becomes really fun. 

Treatment is, in a word, stupid. I'm grateful for the great doctors I have, and they take great care of me, but much just isn't know about how to treat this disease. It's so rare that research on it is difficult, and therefore, treatment is usually just a hit and miss sort of thing. Here's a taste of what I endure enjoy every day for my lungs:

First of all, there's this little toy. This bad boy is called a nebulizer. You might have seen one (or even used one) before, because they're often used in hospitals and emergency rooms to administer breathing treatments.

Basically, what happens is I put a little vial of liquid into the canister you see here, and the machine turns it into a vapor that I can inhale. I am able to get more medicine into my body this way, as opposed to using inhalers (though I do have a few of those).

Here, you can see boxes of two out of the three nebulizer medications that I take on a daily basis. In fact, I have to take all three medicines twice a day, minimum. Three to four times on a bad day. And let me tell you, that time adds up quick.On average, I spend an hour a day doing breathing treatments. 

The breathing treatments actually help a little, mostly because they're designed to aid my asthma (which people actually know how to treat). The medicines pictures here are combined into the nebulizer and really help my breathing for an hour or two after I take them.

The other medication I use is actually used for people with CF, but it seems to help my PCD, too. It thins out the mucus in my lungs, making it easier to cough up. However, that's the hard part: actually getting the mucus out of my lungs. It requires a little work, because it doesn't just magically appear, turning itself over to be disposed of (though that would be awfully nice!).

Instead, I get the pleasure of being beaten to a bloody pulp twice a day for twenty minutes (and more on a bad day). The instigator? This thing you see pictured to the left.

I like to call him Thor.

Affectionately so, of course.

Thor is a good friend of mine. He's been in my life for over 10 years, though he recently got an upgrade. Basically, what Thor does is he pumps air through the tubes you see in the picture into a vest (which is on top of the machine). The vest is strapped onto my body like a life-jacket. The air pumps in, it beats me senseless for twenty minutes, and I hope it helps.

My wife has all sorts of amusing descriptions for Thor. However, I think Thor probably deserves an entire post of his own, so I'll let him rest... for now.

This is a lot to digest, I know. Just stick with me a few more minutes.

To be frank, I hate Thing #3. It sucks. Or doesn't suck, I guess, because if it sucked, it would mean I could breathe...

Thing #3 wouldn't be such a problem if it could be aggressively treated. However, this is the Catch 22 of my marriage. When we were wed, we lost our health insurance. And ever since then, I haven't been able to get it because it's either too expensive or it won't cover my diseases.

Now trust me when I say I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything. However, not having healthinsurance is a pain in the rear. I can't see specialists, I can't afford treatments or certain diagnostic tools (such as CT scans), and therefore, Thing #3 only gets worse.

I know, I know. I need to get off my bum and get a job. That's what most people think when they hear about people without health insurance. That's the problem, though. My lungs are in such bad shape that I can't work full-time. I'm barely hanging in with my internship, and that's a job where I sit all day and only move when absolutely necessary. And even then, I hack my lungs up a few times a day.

There's really not much I can do about it right now, honestly. I'm currently applying for disability at the ripe old age of 21 (I was already denied once when I was 19) and praying for the best, but I know that the government isn't supposed to be my savior.

However, my mother-in-law, in her infinite wisdom, thought of something I should have come up with more than a few years ago. She has set up a health fund in my name.

Now let me say this, first and foremost. I am NOT a charity case. I hate the thought of ever being paraded around like someone who is helpless and can't forge their own way in life. However, I also know that there's pride in me about this that doesn't need to be there.  

That is why I'm telling you about this.

My mother-in-law has set up a Facebook page where she keeps everyone posted on how I'm doing and stuff going on with Thing #3, and I'd love it if you would check it out. Just search on Facebook for "Adrian Waller Health Fund." Or click here to request to be part of the group.

I'd love it if you'd join, just to keep updated on how I'm doing. And if you feel able to help financially, I wouldn't argue with you. We have a bank account setup called "Adrian Waller, Medical Expenses Fund," and I use the money to help pay for appointments with doctors and medicines (which add up a lot faster than you think). If you're interested in helping out, but have questions, you can send me an e-mail at (awaller1990@gmail.com), and I'd be glad to answer any questions you have.

Basically, though, I'd just love it if you prayed for me. Life is hard. Very, very hard. It's hard not to be able to do things that normal people do. It's hard to not be able to walk without wheezing. It's frustrating to me that my condition keeps me from doing things I love: sports, singing, and sometimes even writing. But I know that God is taking care of me. He wouldn't have allowed me this far only to let me shrivel up and die. So I'll keep fighting, because I know I'm alive for a reason, even if living is hard most days.

Thanks SO much for caring enough to read. Please, please, please share this with your friends. It would mean the WORLD to me.

Re: Sweet Chaos

Here's a post from the summer that I think you'll truly enjoy. Leave some feedback and share it with your friends and family!

This weekend was crazy.

This weekend was awesome.

This weekend was the most fun I've had in a long time.

And this picture pretty much summarizes it:

Sweet, sweet chaos. That's the only way to describe it.

We spent the past weekend hanging out with a lot of people we had only ever met once in our lives, and a lot of other people we had never seen before. It didn't matter, though. Love was in the air. It was a different sort of love, though. A sweet, chaotic, beautiful love - one only possibly born of God.

How else can you explain this situation? 

30 people, all unrelated, gathering together...

In the name of adoption.

In the name of love.

In the name of worshiping God, who has brought us all together, regardless of geographical or biological distance.

For their children, whom they love with all of their hearts.

For their children, who may be a little tanner than the rest of us, but are the most beautiful sightin the world.

For their children, who were alone, but now have a place they can always call home and people they can always call family.

This weekend was a picturesque portrayal of God's love. It was out of control, chaotic, fussy, messy, and a little cranky at times. But there has never been a more beautiful, more sincere, more passionate love among a group of people. And it is that love which pulls my heart-strings. It'sthat love which brings me peace. It's that love that moves my heart toward adoption, toward love.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. [Ephesians 1:5]

I believe this weekend gave God great pleasure. He saw his children, adopted through his Son, caring for his little ones, who they had chosen to adopt in love.

I can't wait for the day that God leads us down that same path. And it's coming soon - my heartcan feel it.

How have you experienced adoption in your life? Has it been a positive or negative experience? Do you have relatives or friends that are adopted? How has that shaped who they are? Have you ever considered adopting a child? Why or why not?

I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else!). Just leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail!