So Simple, Yet So Hard

This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.

If we're being honest (and by all indications, we are), then I have a confession to make:

I'm a little discouraged about blogging at the moment.

I've considered quitting. Posting less. Being ridiculously obnoxious and self-promoting. Doing more giveaways. Changing the layout. Changing the theme.

I've considered a lot of things, and I wonder what's brought on this disappointment.

Not "enough" people frequent Life Before the Bucket.

The fact that very few people in "real" life ever acknowledge my writing.

Just plain, ol' insecurity.

And really, the disappointment or discouragement I've been feeling is probably a combination of all of the above and more. But I keep my ultimate goal in mind: to change a life. One simple life. Even if just in one simple way. And if my goal is so important to me, why would I quit?

Who cares about pageviews or popularity? I don't in "real" life, so why should I "on here?" Or is it something deeper? Something deep-seeded within me that cries for love. That cries for someone to care and keep caring. That longs for people to know me and to see beyond my sickness and my pain.

This longing is within me, and yet, God is before me. Why is this solution so simple? And yet so difficult? Why must I spend my time trimming square pegs so I can pretend that they really do fit in circular holes? They don't. No matter how I frame it, my emptiness cannot - will not - be filled by things that I justify as being "of God."

He's the solution. It's just that easy.

So why is this equation so hard for me to understand?

Question: What have you been struggling with lately? What do you think the source of that struggle may be? What are some possible solutions?