This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest,
sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
I love being introspective and taking a look at what's going on inside my heart. Heck, I even enjoy bearing those things to the world for all to see on days like this, when I'm trying to be a little more honest with myself and others.
I think I definitely did that yesterday, though.
So instead of being introspective, I want to be... Well, some other word ending in "spective" that probably doesn't exist.
In order to be a little more honest with you and with myself, I don't want to bear my heart. I want to bear a few quirky pieces of who I am. As in, if you were my wife, these are the things you'd probably make fun of me for.
Showing posts with label Time for Honesty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Time for Honesty. Show all posts
9.14.2011
8.31.2011
So Simple, Yet So Hard
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest,
sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
If we're being honest (and by all indications, we are), then I have a confession to make:
I'm a little discouraged about blogging at the moment.
I've considered quitting. Posting less. Being ridiculously obnoxious and self-promoting. Doing more giveaways. Changing the layout. Changing the theme.
I've considered a lot of things, and I wonder what's brought on this disappointment.
Not "enough" people frequent Life Before the Bucket.
The fact that very few people in "real" life ever acknowledge my writing.
Just plain, ol' insecurity.
And really, the disappointment or discouragement I've been feeling is probably a combination of all of the above and more. But I keep my ultimate goal in mind: to change a life. One simple life. Even if just in one simple way. And if my goal is so important to me, why would I quit?
Who cares about pageviews or popularity? I don't in "real" life, so why should I "on here?" Or is it something deeper? Something deep-seeded within me that cries for love. That cries for someone to care and keep caring. That longs for people to know me and to see beyond my sickness and my pain.
This longing is within me, and yet, God is before me. Why is this solution so simple? And yet so difficult? Why must I spend my time trimming square pegs so I can pretend that they really do fit in circular holes? They don't. No matter how I frame it, my emptiness cannot - will not - be filled by things that I justify as being "of God."
He's the solution. It's just that easy.
So why is this equation so hard for me to understand?
Question: What have you been struggling with lately? What do you think the source of that struggle may be? What are some possible solutions?
If we're being honest (and by all indications, we are), then I have a confession to make:
I'm a little discouraged about blogging at the moment.
I've considered quitting. Posting less. Being ridiculously obnoxious and self-promoting. Doing more giveaways. Changing the layout. Changing the theme.
I've considered a lot of things, and I wonder what's brought on this disappointment.
Not "enough" people frequent Life Before the Bucket.
The fact that very few people in "real" life ever acknowledge my writing.
Just plain, ol' insecurity.
And really, the disappointment or discouragement I've been feeling is probably a combination of all of the above and more. But I keep my ultimate goal in mind: to change a life. One simple life. Even if just in one simple way. And if my goal is so important to me, why would I quit?
Who cares about pageviews or popularity? I don't in "real" life, so why should I "on here?" Or is it something deeper? Something deep-seeded within me that cries for love. That cries for someone to care and keep caring. That longs for people to know me and to see beyond my sickness and my pain.
This longing is within me, and yet, God is before me. Why is this solution so simple? And yet so difficult? Why must I spend my time trimming square pegs so I can pretend that they really do fit in circular holes? They don't. No matter how I frame it, my emptiness cannot - will not - be filled by things that I justify as being "of God."
He's the solution. It's just that easy.
So why is this equation so hard for me to understand?
Question: What have you been struggling with lately? What do you think the source of that struggle may be? What are some possible solutions?
8.24.2011
I Wish it Was Obvious
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest,
sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see how tired I am. How worn out my body is. How I feel well for about 2-3 hours a day.
Sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see that I'm not coughing because I'm nervous. I'm not coughing because I have a cold. I'm coughing because (ironically), it helps me get better.
Sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see when I'm walking next to you to your dorm room how hard it is for me to keep up with you. I don't choose to walk slowly; it's the only way I know to get around.
Sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see that when I miss class, it is because I'm tired. But not because I haven't slept. I'm sick, you see. I'm always sick.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
And then I realize.
God sees me in my pain.
He sees my tiredness. He knows why I cough so much. He understands that it's hard for me to keep up. He gets that sometimes, sleep just isn't enough.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
And then I remember.
To him, it is.
Question: Do you deal with anything that you wish was more obvious to others?
I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else)! Just drop me a comment or send me an e-mail!
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see how tired I am. How worn out my body is. How I feel well for about 2-3 hours a day.
Sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see that I'm not coughing because I'm nervous. I'm not coughing because I have a cold. I'm coughing because (ironically), it helps me get better.
Sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see when I'm walking next to you to your dorm room how hard it is for me to keep up with you. I don't choose to walk slowly; it's the only way I know to get around.
Sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
I wish you could see that when I miss class, it is because I'm tired. But not because I haven't slept. I'm sick, you see. I'm always sick.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
And then I realize.
God sees me in my pain.
He sees my tiredness. He knows why I cough so much. He understands that it's hard for me to keep up. He gets that sometimes, sleep just isn't enough.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish it was obvious.
And then I remember.
To him, it is.
Question: Do you deal with anything that you wish was more obvious to others?
I'd love to hear from you about this (or anything else)! Just drop me a comment or send me an e-mail!
8.10.2011
An Important Lesson Learned
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest,
sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
There’s a few things that I’ve learned about myself in the last 21 years:
1. I’m skinny. Ridiculously so. There’s no getting past that.
2. I tan like nobody’s business… when I have time to get in the sun.
3. I’m very friendly and likeable, for the most part.
Now, as you can imagine, I’m not here to be “honest” about being skinny or about my incredible propensity for getting an awesome tan, though both of those things are very true. Instead, I want to share with you an important lesson I’ve learned first-hand this summer:
It’sokay a good thing if not everybody likes you.
In fact, my mother-in-law said just the other day,
“If everybody likes you, you’re lying to someone.”
She had no clue how right she was.
There’s a few things that I’ve learned about myself in the last 21 years:
1. I’m skinny. Ridiculously so. There’s no getting past that.
2. I tan like nobody’s business… when I have time to get in the sun.3. I’m very friendly and likeable, for the most part.
Now, as you can imagine, I’m not here to be “honest” about being skinny or about my incredible propensity for getting an awesome tan, though both of those things are very true. Instead, I want to share with you an important lesson I’ve learned first-hand this summer:
It’s
In fact, my mother-in-law said just the other day,
“If everybody likes you, you’re lying to someone.”
She had no clue how right she was.
8.03.2011
I Expect Better
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest,
sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
God is being awfully funny this summer.
He is testing every single facet of my life in which I feel I am strongest.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my recent struggle about trusting God with our finances - something I'm usually very "good" at doing (whatever that means).
Now that I've got that figured out (for now), God has decided to pinpoint another "strength" that I have: my ability to forgive.
God is being awfully funny this summer.
He is testing every single facet of my life in which I feel I am strongest.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my recent struggle about trusting God with our finances - something I'm usually very "good" at doing (whatever that means).
Now that I've got that figured out (for now), God has decided to pinpoint another "strength" that I have: my ability to forgive.
7.27.2011
I'm Not Over It
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to
share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and
transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
On Sunday, it will have been three years. For anyone that's counting, that's 1,068 days. Or 25,632 hours. Or even 1,537,920 minutes. Heck, let's even say it will have been 92,275,200 seconds.
Three years is a long time when you look at it like that.
It was three years ago that I tried to call my dad and got an operator because his phone was disconnected.
Three years ago that my older younger sister, Scarlett, randomly asked me, "Do you think Dad is dead?"
It was three years ago that I witnessed the most horrific scene of my life as my grandparents delivered the news.
One thousand, sixty-eight days ago on Sunday, my dad passed away.
On Sunday, it will have been three years. For anyone that's counting, that's 1,068 days. Or 25,632 hours. Or even 1,537,920 minutes. Heck, let's even say it will have been 92,275,200 seconds.
It was three years ago that I tried to call my dad and got an operator because his phone was disconnected.
Three years ago that my older younger sister, Scarlett, randomly asked me, "Do you think Dad is dead?"
It was three years ago that I witnessed the most horrific scene of my life as my grandparents delivered the news.
One thousand, sixty-eight days ago on Sunday, my dad passed away.
7.20.2011
My Feathers Have Been Ruffled
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
The other day I was perusing my infinite list of blogs, reading, enjoying myself, and probably drinking coffee, though I can't be sure (so don't quote me on that). Nothing too earth shattering arose, and I was okay with that. Until I read through K. Syrah's latest post over at Shoes Never Worn: "The Indie Writer/Indie Author."
Darn you, K, for ruffling my feathers.
(She does that sometimes, so if you're into that sort of writing, you should really check out her blog.)
Anyway, K was writing about being an Indie author, and ended her post with a quip that made a lot of sense to me, but made me kind of mad:
Now when I say that K made me mad, I really just mean she rattled my cage. Because frankly, I'm dealing with this right now, and I was mad that she brought it up and threw it in my face, as if it were no big deal. Don't mind the fact that it's completely illogical for me to be mad at her - after all, she has no clue that this is something I'm wrestling with right now.
The other day I was perusing my infinite list of blogs, reading, enjoying myself, and probably drinking coffee, though I can't be sure (so don't quote me on that). Nothing too earth shattering arose, and I was okay with that. Until I read through K. Syrah's latest post over at Shoes Never Worn: "The Indie Writer/Indie Author."Darn you, K, for ruffling my feathers.
(She does that sometimes, so if you're into that sort of writing, you should really check out her blog.)
Anyway, K was writing about being an Indie author, and ended her post with a quip that made a lot of sense to me, but made me kind of mad:
Of course, I say that because at this moment, money isn’t an issue, and if one has a full belly, and all the bills are paid, it’s easier to be righteous.
Now when I say that K made me mad, I really just mean she rattled my cage. Because frankly, I'm dealing with this right now, and I was mad that she brought it up and threw it in my face, as if it were no big deal. Don't mind the fact that it's completely illogical for me to be mad at her - after all, she has no clue that this is something I'm wrestling with right now.
7.06.2011
An Open Letter to an Extrovert
The medicine I'm taking right now tastes like soap. Fifteen minutes straight of inhaling mist that takes like soap.
Dear Extrovert,
Hey! How are you doing? You see, I ask you that because I'm genuinely curious, not just because I'm polite and know how to banter. In fact, I really do like you a lot and think about you regularly. Sometimes, though, I think you misunderstand me.
You see, I'm an introvert. You know this well, and you accept me anyway - for the most part. However, I can't help but think that you have some sort of ulterior motive when you're talking to me. It's almost as if you're trying to convert me. Or cure me. I'm not sure which. As if I have some unspeakable disease that I'm suffering from, slowly dying from.
Allow me to let you in on a secret: I have no disease. There is nothing wrong with me. Frankly, I like how God made me. Introversion is not a disease - it's a piece of who I am.
Dear Extrovert,
Hey! How are you doing? You see, I ask you that because I'm genuinely curious, not just because I'm polite and know how to banter. In fact, I really do like you a lot and think about you regularly. Sometimes, though, I think you misunderstand me.
You see, I'm an introvert. You know this well, and you accept me anyway - for the most part. However, I can't help but think that you have some sort of ulterior motive when you're talking to me. It's almost as if you're trying to convert me. Or cure me. I'm not sure which. As if I have some unspeakable disease that I'm suffering from, slowly dying from.
Allow me to let you in on a secret: I have no disease. There is nothing wrong with me. Frankly, I like how God made me. Introversion is not a disease - it's a piece of who I am.
6.22.2011
Rebellion
This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.
Since this is the time for my weekly Time for Honesty, I'm just going to cut to the chase. Quick, easy, painless. I promise. Here's what I want to know:
Do you have a relationship with God?
Now, before you stop reading, hear me out. Because I'm going to assume that you don't. However, I'm not going to try and convince you of why you're "wrong." Because who says you are?
Most people (myself included) struggle with the idea of a relationship with God. We don't get it. Frankly, it doesn't make sense most of the time. Why would a Being, who created everything, down to the molecule, want a relationship with his creation? And, to be exact, how insane must he be to want a relationship with me?
If you don't have a relationship with God, I want to tell you something: God does want a relationship with you.
However, I'm not really posting this to convince you of that. Instead, I want to get you thinking about something else: why don't you have a relationship with God? What's stopping you?
Since this is the time for my weekly Time for Honesty, I'm just going to cut to the chase. Quick, easy, painless. I promise. Here's what I want to know: Do you have a relationship with God?
Now, before you stop reading, hear me out. Because I'm going to assume that you don't. However, I'm not going to try and convince you of why you're "wrong." Because who says you are?
Most people (myself included) struggle with the idea of a relationship with God. We don't get it. Frankly, it doesn't make sense most of the time. Why would a Being, who created everything, down to the molecule, want a relationship with his creation? And, to be exact, how insane must he be to want a relationship with me?
If you don't have a relationship with God, I want to tell you something: God does want a relationship with you.
However, I'm not really posting this to convince you of that. Instead, I want to get you thinking about something else: why don't you have a relationship with God? What's stopping you?
6.15.2011
Let Your Money Do the Talking
I took some Tylenol before I went to sleep last night and I woke up feeling like I had been drugged. That can't be normal.
How rich are you?
No, seriously. Think about it for a second.
Think about the value of every single dollar that you earn.
It's hard to see when you're sitting next to the Joneses, who actually own the money-printing factory downtown, but trust me when I say these words: if you're reading this, then you're richer than you know.
Don't believe me? Check out this website. Just do it.
Here are my results, in case you were wondering (since this IS my Time for Honesty this week):
Now, granted, I don't feel like I'm in the top 12.5% of the wealthiest people in the world. But how I feel doesn't negate the fact that I am. And as a member of the group of the richest people in the world, I feel responsible.
How rich are you?
No, seriously. Think about it for a second.
Think about the value of every single dollar that you earn.
It's hard to see when you're sitting next to the Joneses, who actually own the money-printing factory downtown, but trust me when I say these words: if you're reading this, then you're richer than you know.
Don't believe me? Check out this website. Just do it.
Here are my results, in case you were wondering (since this IS my Time for Honesty this week):
Now, granted, I don't feel like I'm in the top 12.5% of the wealthiest people in the world. But how I feel doesn't negate the fact that I am. And as a member of the group of the richest people in the world, I feel responsible.5.25.2011
A Time For Honesty: Sharing is Caring
Yesterday we had a 90% chance of a tornado hitting here, and somehow, the weathermen still managed to be wrong. It barely sprinkled!
It's Wednesday, which doesn't mean much to me, but might mean a lot to you. It's affectionately named "Hump Day" by many, as we fight to get over the hump of another week. It's also the least phonetic of any day of the week, which just makes it ridiculous. Ultimately, though, Wednesday has very little relevance to this blog... until now.
I have written a few posts in the past where I've spent time reflecting - check them out here, here, or here. Maybe I haven't elicited as many chuckles when I do that, but it's important to me that I remain transparent for you. How can I ever expect you to believe my words and listen to me if you can't trust me? And a huge part of trust is transparency. Therefore, I want to begin a weekly series here on Life Before the Bucket called "A Time for Honesty."
Honesty is important when it comes to achieving your dreams and living your life to the fullest. If you're not being honest with yourself and with others, you're lying. And if you're lying, you're not achieving your dreams (unless you dream of being a con artist). Therefore, it's important to spend some time each week reflecting. It's important to spend some time each week being real with yourself.
This week's Time for Honesty is definitely inspired by this post from Single Dad Laughing. In that post (which you should definitely read), Dan talked about deciding whether you truly believe what you believe, or whether you just believe certain things because you were raised that way or because you want to fit in with a certain group of someones, whether that's family or friends. Ultimately, his point was that if you aren't willing to give up everything for what you believe in, including the your own life, then you may need to reevaluate, because you may not be holding on to your own beliefs, but the beliefs of others.
It's Wednesday, which doesn't mean much to me, but might mean a lot to you. It's affectionately named "Hump Day" by many, as we fight to get over the hump of another week. It's also the least phonetic of any day of the week, which just makes it ridiculous. Ultimately, though, Wednesday has very little relevance to this blog... until now.
I have written a few posts in the past where I've spent time reflecting - check them out here, here, or here. Maybe I haven't elicited as many chuckles when I do that, but it's important to me that I remain transparent for you. How can I ever expect you to believe my words and listen to me if you can't trust me? And a huge part of trust is transparency. Therefore, I want to begin a weekly series here on Life Before the Bucket called "A Time for Honesty."
 |
| You don't wanna end up like this guy. |
This week's Time for Honesty is definitely inspired by this post from Single Dad Laughing. In that post (which you should definitely read), Dan talked about deciding whether you truly believe what you believe, or whether you just believe certain things because you were raised that way or because you want to fit in with a certain group of someones, whether that's family or friends. Ultimately, his point was that if you aren't willing to give up everything for what you believe in, including the your own life, then you may need to reevaluate, because you may not be holding on to your own beliefs, but the beliefs of others.
4.14.2011
A Break from Spring Break
This should be short and sweet, mostly because I have 2 tests today and a major paper due Monday...
As you can see from the title of this blog post, I want to take a quick break from Spring Break. I promise I will continue to post about it in the very near future. For now, though, I want to share an experience with you that I had yesterday.
Nothing incredibly out of the ordinary truly happened yesterday. Honestly, it probably won't be a day that I remember outside of this blog post. However, that is part of the reason I want to tell you about part of it...
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