I Expect Better

This post is part of my weekly Time for Honesty. I do my best to share something that's on my heart that is honest, sincere, and transparent - something that will get you thinking and get you to be honest with yourself.

God is being awfully funny this summer.

He is testing every single facet of my life in which I feel I am strongest.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my recent struggle about trusting God with our finances - something I'm usually very "good" at doing (whatever that means). 

Now that I've got that figured out (for now), God has decided to pinpoint another "strength" that I have: my ability to forgive.

I like to think that I'm a very forgiving person. I don't hold grudges - they're a waste of time. And I don't usually get mad at people for wronging me or trust them "less" because they've had a misstep in the past. I do these things because I know I, myself, am not perfect, and that I want people to forgive me like that.

This summer, that has been tested. And frankly, I disappointed myself, and in the process, I feel like I disappointed my Savior.

Don't get me wrong - I don't feel guilty because of the relationship I have with God. There is no shame in that. I just expect more from myself because of how Jesus has changed me. I expect better from myself, and I like to believe that God does, too.

This summer, though, I was wronged and wasn't able to forgive in the blink of an eye, as I usually am. I mulled over this wrong for days, wrestling with it, grappling with it, and allowing Satan to use it to his advantage. And, as you could imagine, he beat the crap out of me for letting him have a foot in the door.

I'm okay now, though. I'm alright. I've forgiven, I've moved on, and frankly, I'm trying to do my best to forget. I know a lot of people think you shouldn't "forgive and forget," but that seems to be the best policy in my life.

Why remember the wrongs of the people I love? 

Doesn't God tell us that "love keeps no record of wrongs?" Twist that however you'd like, but you're never going to make that say "forgive, but remember what's happened in the past so you can be protected in the future." No, that's pretty typical. What's radical about forgiving and then remembering that wrong every time you think of a person? Nothing.

And frankly, I don't want to subscribe my life to a God who doesn't demand and equip me for a life that is radical.

Maybe this is just a personal vendetta and I'm off-base here, so I'd really like to know what you think about this. Forgive and forget? Or forgive and be more careful in the future? How do you handle forgiveness and the wrongs committed against you?

Drop me a comment and let me know what you're thinking about this (or anything else) today!