A Longing for Fatherhood

This is a repost that is ridiculously relevant in my life right now, and I really wanted to share it with you. Enjoy!

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of spending time with someone I care about very deeply.

I can't tell you her name, because it's complicated, but I can tell you about her (and I've been dying to do that).

This girl, she's about 5 years old. She's beautiful. She is usually high on energy and loves to talk. She loves playing, climbing trees, and putting together puzzles. In fact, she might even end up being smarter than me.

This girl isn't able to receive love from her parents on a regular basis. They don't have that right anymore. But she has her grandparents, and they love her well enough. They just weren't expecting to go through the parenting motions at this point in their lives.

Last time we visited this girl, we wanted to take her home with us. To let her know that she's loved. To prove to her that she has a home.

Instead (because kidnapping is frowned upon around here), we settled for having lunch with her, playing games, putting together a puzzle, and climbing trees.

I don't remember the last time I climbed a tree. And my lungs certainly don't remember either, because they were not very happy when I tried.

But it was for her. To show her that I love her. That I care. That I want to spend time with her and do the things she does and love the things she loves.

We climbed trees for what seemed like hours. She even climbed one that I told her she wouldn't be able to until she was bigger. She proved me wrong, and I was so happy for her.

Among the trees, she has a swing. And when we were done climbing, worn out and tired, she invited me to come sit by it. She told me all about how she swings, and how she has a pile of dead leaves that she collects next to the swing. She stood on the swing as it swung back and forth, telling me about how dangerous it was.

I added to her dead leaf collection that day. And though she probably doesn't remember it, that was a great (albeit silly) moment in my life.

She let me add to her life. To be part of it. To love and enjoy her company.

Someday, I hope I can do this full-time. I long to be her father. But if that day never comes, I know God is taking care of her, watching as she climbs those trees, climbing with her. I know he's there watching her swing and encouraging her to be a little more dangerous, even if it might hurt a little. I know he adds to her dead leaf collection from time to time. And I know he loves her.

I just hope that the day comes when I can join him in that.

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Questions: What were your parents like? Were they able to play with you on a regular basis? Or did you have someone else in your life that filled that role?

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We Break Things

So, believe it or not, I love my wife.

Apparently, you seem to like her too. It seems that my most popular posts are about her. Like this one, for instance.

I've got a secret to tell you about us, though. Promise you won't tell?

Okay, well, here it is...

We... Well, we break things.

Before your mind gets going - no, this is not a post about an old country song I can't seem to get out of my head. 

We literally break stuff. All. The. Flippin'. Time. 

Prime example number one is the fact that my wife never blogs or posts on here - we would probably accidentally press the Nuke button on the blogosphere. And then she'd probably be ticked at me for ruining all of her favorite blogs. But that's beside the point.

Some real examples of things we've broken: our car window, our soap dispenser, our internet (frequently!), Kalyn's old laptop (may it rest in pieces...) and so, so much more.

We can't help it. We're a little clumsy. 

So we're careful. We take precautions. For instance, the only type of dishes that we own, besides mugs, are either Tupperware (which will survive World War III) or Corelle (which looks a lot like glass but is a lot more... droppable). 

Sometimes, though, we break things on purpose.

Eek... That was the part of our secret I wasn't supposed to let out. 

You see, we got married young. And though it may be "trendy," it's typically a big no-no where we live. It just doesn't happen much, and if it does, it ends quickly and doesn't end well. And since we started off breaking the rules, we figured we might as well continue.

So we unabashedly break them. 

Sometimes, I drive to school. Meanwhile, Kalyn walks. 

Sometimes, Kalyn carries stuff to the car for us, like laundry baskets or our bags. I carry the keys.

Sometimes, Kalyn plans our dates. And hey, sometimes I do, too.

Sometimes we joke about who's the "head" of the house. But we both know who the real leader is.

I know, I know. You're thinking I'm a terrible husband. Or that we're still young and haven't really figured things out yet. Or that we've murdered chivalry or some nonsense like that.

Well, this is the internet, so you're free to think want you want. 

But I'll let you know that, despite all of the things we've accidentally and purposefully broken, we're better people because of it. We love each other more deeply, and love God more passionately. We've become who we are because we're with each other, and we'd have it no other way. We'll be happily (and sometimes sadly, and sometimes angrily, and sometimes laughingly) married until God decides our poor lungs have had enough.

Doesn't sound like anything's broken to me. 

Does anything seem broken to you?

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Questions:  What does an "ideal" relationship look like to you? What sort of things do you break (or hope to break) in your relationship? 

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Stop Being Ugly

"It's what's on the inside that counts."

Tell me you haven't heard that one before.

Now that's ugly...

And even though we mean well when we say it, we know somewhere inside of us that what's on the outside does matter, even if we don't want it to.

Just take a look at what's popular in media: clothes (which make us look good), food (which we're trying to figure out how to eat in a healthy manner so we can look good), and exercise (which, once again, most of us do to look good). 

Let's face it: looks matter. They shouldn't, but they do. And I'm definitely guilty of this. Just check out my 52 goals for the year! Sure, I want to gain weight to be healthy, but I'm motivated mostly by the fact that I'll look healthier if I gain the weight I need. I say it's just so I'll feel better, but I want to look better too.

I wonder, though, if the adage about "what's on the inside" means more than we give it credit for. I especially wondered this yesterday, because I almost did it.

I was almost ugly. Butt ugly, in fact.

I had an appointment with the eye doctor, and it happened without much fanfare. However, every time I'm with any sort of medical professional, they ask about my medical history. And unless, for some peculiar season, they've read about Thing 1, Thing 2, or Thing 3 (my trifecta of chronic illnesses) on my blog, they have no clue what they're asking about.

Now I don't mind sharing about my illnesses. In fact, I enjoy it. However, afterward, I always seem to get down on myself. "I'm not as healthy as I should be," I think. "I should've taken better care of myself when I was younger," I remind myself. The thoughts keep coming, and eventually I've dug myself a hole that I can't see out of.

Yesterday, though, I didn't do it. I didn't get ugly. And I'm stoked to tell you about it. 

God sent me a couple of reminders of why I didn't need to get ugly. The first was in this blog post from The Handwritten (a blog I just recently discovered). There, God reminded me that I'm really not mad at him for making me how I am. And though I seem like I might be contradicting myself, I know that I like who I am and how I was made. 

I enjoy having flipped around insides and a plastic tube in my body that you can see, touch, and even press in. And on a rare occasion, I don't mind having a rare lung disease that no one can pronounce and that won't even be recognized by the upcoming ICD-10 coding system (a diagnostic manual that doctors use to diagnose illness). 

The second reminder came when I watched the movie The Help (which I highly recommend, by the way). At one point in the movie, one of the maids is talking with the main character, Skeeter, in a flashback. Skeeter is devastated because she hasn't been asked to the school dance, and she tells the maid that the boys think she's ugly. Constantine, the maid, responds beautifully:

"Oh, you quit feelin' sorry for yourself. Now, that's ugly. Ugly is somethin' that grows up inside you. It's mean and hurtin', like them boys. Now, you're not one of them, is you?"

It's when you're feeling sorry for yourself that you're at your ugliest.

Actually, scratch that.

It's when I am feeling sorry for myself that I am at my ugliest.

I've been there. I've done that. I've dug that hole and buried myself in it more than once. And I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm mad at the way God made me.

I'm done being ugly.

I know this is something I struggle with, and I'm thinking maybe one or two people reading this might as well. If you're in the same boat as me, don't feel bad - that's how we got there in the first place.

Instead, join me today in deciding to be who we are without regret. 

To be who we are without envying what we aren't.

To be who we are without being ugly.

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Questions:  How do you devalue yourself? What tends to bring you down the most? What can you do today to intentionally avoid feeling sorry for yourself?

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photo credit: Ayla87 - sxc.hu

Remember What's Important

Today is Monday, which usually means yesterday was Sunday.

And since yesterday was Sunday, that means a guy named Tim Tebow played a game called football. And whether he did well or poorly, people were talking about him yesterday and are still talking about him today.

Have you heard of him?

Well, it turns out he did pretty well yesterday. But I'm not here to talk about Tim Tebow. Nope. I've got something more important to talk about.

Yesterday, Tim Tebow won a football game. After the game, he's required to meet with the press, and he did so enthusiastically. I listened to him talk (because I'm an avid football fan - I can't help it), and I was amazed.

The kid is clearly in a little over his head. But what he lacks in age, he makes up for in charisma. Tim Tebow bleeds energy, and it's evident that everyone around him is better for that.

Again, though, that isn't what's important. I'm not here to write about Tim Tebow. Or football. Or whether God favors the Broncos (because he doesn't). In fact, allow me to use good ol' Timmy to illustrate what I do want to talk about. Check out this interview with him after the game yesterday (skip to 1:15 if you don't want to watch it all).

Did you catch it?

In the midst of all the football mumbo-jumbo and nose wiping, did you catch it?

Tim reminded us all of what matters, and it had nothing to do with football.

In case you couldn't (or just didn't want to) watch the video, here's what happened. A reporter asked him, "Do you have a sense of what kind of phenomenon you are nationwide right now?"

His reply?

I’m very thankful for the platform God has given me…

It’s special to have the platform of playing football because I have an opportunity to affect people.

I was very excited to have Bailey Knaub here at this game… Football is amazing, we love it, but the real win is being able to comfort a girl who’s gone through 73 surgeries before the game and get a chance to go hang out with her now. That’s the biggest win of the day, so they’re both exciting, but that’s what I’m even more proud of.

Though Tim Tebow just set all kinds of records and was being lauded by the press as a nationwide phenomena, he remembered what was important. He remembered that he was just playing a game, and that the game was just a platform for something greater - in this case, comforting a girl who's been through more than any of us can imagine.

But like I said, I'm not here to write about Tim Tebow. I'm here to write about me. About you. About us.

Guys, gals, friends, family, and foes - we need to remember what's important. To remember what the "biggest win of the day" is for us. We slave over our jobs and our hobbies, whether that's writing, being a full time stay-at-home parent, or working whatever hours Wal-Mart will give us, and most days (especially Mondays), we don't enjoy it much.

But this week, even if just for a single moment, let's remember what's important. Let's put what's given to us as our "platform" in its proper place and use it for what its worth, even if we don't enjoy it

And then, let's see what's important: the people around us that matter the most. The people crying and dying for help. That someone who needs a helping hand. And those other someones we maybe neglect more than we should.

If there's anything you do today, let it be this:

Remember what's important. And then do something about it.

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Questions:  What's your biggest win of the day? How do you remind yourself of what's important? How can you do something about that today?

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Stop Wasting Your Life

photo credit: 2020VG - sxc.hu

Sometimes, just sometimes, I waste time. 

Okay, we all know that's a dirty lie.

But seriously now. Sometimes I spend my time stalking people on Facebook, stalking people on their blogs, and stalking people on MySpace (as a last resort, naturally).

Now before you get your hopes up, I probably haven't stalked you lately. In fact, this year, it's going to be harder than ever to waste my time learning unnecessary details of my friends' lives.

You see, one of my goals for 2012 is to only spend 5 minutes a day on Facebook.

What?! How will I ever survive?

Well, contrary to popular belief, you don't actually have to ever get on Facebook to maintain a social life. Not at all! And I thought about doing this, but I quickly figured out that I wouldn't be able to post updates from Life Before the Bucket if I couldn't get on Facebook, so I nixed that idea.

You know what's crazy, though? Even if I only spend 5 minutes a day on Facebook this year, I'm still spending over 24 hours of my time in 2012 on the good ol' F-B. Can you imagine just sitting on Facebook for 24 straight hours? It's insane, really. And according to this article, if I'm like the average person, I spent over 90 hours of my year on Facebook in 2011.

But the truth is, I want 2012 to be better than 2011 was. I want to live life more fully than I ever have before. And I firmly believe that living life to the fullest does not include overdosing on Facebook.

I want to stop wasting my life. 

So what about you? If I've stalked you as well as I think I have, then I know that you're determined to make the most of your limited time in this life. That most likely means that you, like me, need to stop wasting your life.

For you, it might look different. Maybe you don't care about Facebook, but you can't go a day without playing Call of Duty. Or maybe your time-waster is perusing StumbleUpon.  Regardless of how you're wasting your life, I know that somewhere within you, you want to stop. I know this because you're still reading (and not because I stalk you).  You want to make something more of your life and want 2012 to be better than 2011.

It isn't difficult. Try it out for a week. Decide that you'll only spend 5 minutes, 10, 15, or however much time a day on Facebook or playing your favorite game. Give yourself a goal just for the coming week and see what it's like to have more time in your day.

I've been seeing this on my browser a lot lately
thanks to StayFocusd

And if you're like me and you need some accountability, check out Leech Block (if you're on Firefox) or StayFocusd (for Google Chrome). Each of these extensions limits how much time you can spend on designated websites, like Facebook or StumbleUpon, making your internet time that much more productive. These tools are especially great for me during the school year, as I tend to default to Facebook when I have homework to do (like most other college students).

EDIT: I had originally linked to the Chrome Nanny extension, but StayFocusd is actually what I meant to suggest - it's a LOT simpler. Check it out!

It'll be one less excuse that you have for not accomplishing your goals, so if you're fond of having excuses, maybe this isn't for you. But maybe you're tired of making excuses and you want to have more time to actually live life. If that's the case, try it out, even for just a day. You'll be surprised at how free you feel when you're freed from even one time-wasting obligation.

So you know what to do, and you know how to do it.

Make it happen, and make 2012 the best year you've ever lived!

P.S. If you need something productive to do while you're on the internet or as a break from work, check out Freerice.com!

P.P.S. I finally made an About Me and a Contact page. Check 'em out!

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Questions: What is your favorite time-waster? How are you going to cut time-wasters out of 2012? What will you do with all of your extra time?

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