Hope Defined

The journey has begun, my friends!

I'm finally on the road to becoming a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Only a few small obstacles stand in my way, and I've already overcome one: our so-called Intensive Week.

Our first week of school was, in a word, miserable. We spent 47 very long hours together as we learned, fought, struggled, and eventually persevered through the week. By the end, we were all physically exhausted, mentally fatigued, and emotionally drained. Every last ounce of our energy was spent, but ultimately, it was spent together. And as it turns out, the class which is traumatized together sticks together, much to the sly amusement of our professors.

Several moments from the past week stick out to me, and I could talk for days about everything I've been processing. I could introduce you to the new friends I made while holding down the back row (and maybe I will soon!). I could also ruin every TV and movie watching experience you will ever have, but I like you, so I won't... yet. Or I could share my own personal traumatic experience in our "Clinical Exposure Experience," but I'll save you the pain (for now - I'm still having nightmares about it).

Instead, I want to introduce you to a five-dollar word you can use in Words With Friends sometime. We learned a lot of new words this past week, but this one in particular stuck out to me. If ever there were a word to define who I am, what I believe about myself, and how I view others, this word would have to be it. 

My friends, I'd like to introduce you to the concept of equifinality.

Equifinality reveals itself through a number of faces in our society. For instance, the so-called American Dream, when stripped down, is nothing more than equifinality. Underdog stories, which we've all come to know and love, are equifinality at its finest. The therapeutic model is even based on equifinality. And at the risk of sounding trite, I would argue the heart of the Gospel is equifinality.

What, then, should we make of these five-dollar chameleon of a word?

Allow me to shed some light on its meaning.

Equifinality, simply put, is the idea that, regardless of present (or past) circumstances, two individuals can arrive at the same result.

Our paths may all look different, but our results can
all look the same.

So, when I met the 32 other individuals in my class, they each started somewhere different. Some were upper class, some were lower class. Some were well-educated, while others struggled through school. Some had stable families of origin, while the rest of us came from less than desirable backgrounds.

There is such a diverse background to each individual in our graduate program. It's almost surprising we all ended up in the same place at the same time, seeking the same goal. And yet, here we are!

That, my friends, is equifinality at its finest.

The American Dream, as sick and twisted as it may be (to me), also reflects a mindset of equifinality. No matter who you are or where you come from, you can be whatever you put your mind to be. You can have a spouse, 2.4 kids, a nice car, house, and white picket fence, regardless of where you begin. That's why so many are attracted to the Dream's allure.

More importantly, then, is the idea of equifinality within the Gospel. Each and every one of us, regardless of age, race, or background, has the capacity, with Jesus, to resurrect our hearts and souls both now and for eternity. We may begin in last, but the Gospel tells us we won't finish there. The Gospel takes our dirty, destitute souls, washes them, renews them, and builds them into something better. We may have been unworthy, but the Gospel ensures what was no longer is.

Equifinality, then, is important to all of us. It's important we fight for a better tomorrow. It's important to us that our futures be undetermined, left to ourselves (and maybe a little good fortune). It's important that we can make something more of ourselves and our lives than our heritages dictate.

Can you imagine a world where equifinality was a fairy tale? Regardless of who you are, there would be a specific path set out for you. No matter what changes or choices you make, they're an illusion; the end result will always be the same. There is no American Dream, no underdog stories, and truly, no Gospel.

A world without equifinality is a world without hope. It is no world at all. Instead, it's a play, set in motion by its director, with every part spelled out, every syllable rehearsed. We can improvise to our heart's content, but we still fill a certain set of shoes that don't quite fit, but were picked for us anyway.

It stands to reason, then, that equifinality, in its purest, most unadulterated form, is hope defined. It's life lived to the fullest. Equifinality is the sum of every choice, decision, and happenstance which falls into our laps. It may not all add up, but in the end, regardless of where we begin, we can all end up where we'd like to be (even if it surprises us when we get there).

There's few words so beautiful as this. Hope defined. Hope realized. Hope achieved.

Equifinality, my friends, whether we know it or not, is at work in each and every one of us, and we should all be thankful for it.

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Questions: What are some important pieces of where you've begun? Where "should" you end up when life is all said and done? Where do you hope to end up instead? How are you working toward hope today?

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image credit: winterdove - sxc.hu

Win of the Week

It's Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiday!

And goodness gracious, it's about time.

This has been one of the longest weeks of my life. I've spent nearly 30 hours in school since Monday (there's more to come today), and it has been utterly exhausting. But regardless of how up or down this week has been, we've reached the end together, my friends.

And since we've achieved such a great feat, I'd say it's time to celebrate. It's time to pat each other on the back and say, "Job well done." It's time to share our Win of the Week!

Per usual, share as much or as little as you'd like about your week. We like to celebrate our "real life" wins and our "virtual life" wins, but if you only have one or the other, don't worry! We still want to hear how epic your week has been!

My virtual Win of the Week has to be the flexibility and willingness of this week's guest posters. They whipped up some amazing posts with some amazing speed, and even though I was a little (read: very) disorganized, they were still willing to share their writing with all of us. Because of this, I'd like to give a HUGE "Thank you!" should be given to Tessa Hardiman, Jim Woods, and Andi Cumbo!

My real-life Win of the Week feels very obvious to me, and is most likely very obvious to those who have seen me this week. I'm utterly exhausted physically, and really, everyone in our Master's program most likely is. I think I hit that point about two days ago, though, so I'm just excited to still be alive. I might resemble a zombie more than a human at this point, but I'm here nonetheless. So three cheers for surviving the most tiring week in recent memory!

So there you have it, my friends. Your turn!

What has been your Win of the Week so far? Feel free to shamelessly share your own blog or any posts you've written as a part of your celebration! 

Dream at First Sight

Note from Adrian: This is another guest post, as I'm still going crazy with the start of my Master's program. Today's post comes from Andi Cumbo. Be sure to thank her for her contribution!

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I saw the picture, and I knew.  I didn’t even have to blow it up from a thumbnail to see it – this was my farmhouse.

I called the realtor and saw it that day. By the next day, I had put in an offer.  And just three weeks ago, the farmhouse and its ten acres became mine.  

This house, this land – this is my dream.  

I’ve cultivated this dream for 15 years, imagining a place where I could grow my own food – a huge vegetable garden where I’d plant lots of tomatoes for sauce that I’d perfect over years.  A place where I could raise animals – not for meat, but for fiber – alpacas and maybe angora rabbits - and where goats can frolic, not to mention clean up the underbrush.  A place where the people I love – musicians and writers, in particular – can come to relax and rejuvenate.

My farm, I call it.  Qol Dumamah DuQah – the transliteration for the Hebrew phrase God’s Whisper, that voice that speaks so quietly to Elijah in the cave.

The farmhouse is 728 square feet in total and rests on a rise that shows me the mountains of the Blue Ridge in all their weathered beauty.  Up the hill, one day soon, I will build a timber frame house with a huge living room centered on a huge fireplace. The large deck will open onto these mountains.  Then, my father will take over the farmhouse, and people will stay in my guest rooms. Dad and I will build a rustic log cabin, and someone seeking to hermit away a bit can come to rest there.  

My chickens Rusty and Ruby will start our flock, and Meander the bloodhound mix will be the porch dog. Pygmy goats will prance by with alpacas and their handlers, the Great Pyrenees I will adopt.  

I will carve an amphitheater into the hillside so people can play music or read their work. We will drink local scuppernong cider and eat that sauce I’ve perfected poured straight over homemade bread.  

On quiet nights, I will sit on the porch with my legs tucked under an afghan. I will read; I will write; I will pray; I will dream.  

It is so easy to put off our dreams, to say we’ll do them when we have paid off the new carpet or when the kids go to school or when we have enough money.  But what if we never get the carpet paid for, what if the kids never leave home, what if the money never comes? 
 
It’s easy to put off our dreams until the time is “right,” but maybe our definition of the right time isn’t, well, quite right.  It seems to me that sometimes what dreams need is risk – sometimes big, hairy risk.  After all, tiny, tame choices don’t really get us that far.

Right now, I’m still in the process of building up my income as a writer – another risk I took about 3 years ago when I quit full-time college teaching – and in the final stages of editing my first book.  This is not the “ideal” time to be buying property.  Yet still, the place was available now. I could have played it safe and bet that another place would come when I was more “ready,” but I’m a firm believer that the regrets for things you do are so much easier to bear for the things you don’t do.  And right now, I have no regrets of any kind.

I do have fatigue, and the new knowledge that stink bugs live in electric outlets. I have the story of the time a mouse ran over my hand, and a great deal of information about how to remove the smell of cat urine from hardwood – but regrets – not a one.

I’m not sure dreams are things built on practicality. I think they’re built on pillars that seem like they might not hold but can only be tested with wait, like the stones that hold up a one hundred year old farmhouse in the Blue Ridge.  At least, that’s what holds up mine.

What life do you dream into? 

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Andi Cumbo is a writer, editor, and writing teacher who is finishing up her book You Will Not Be Forgotten about the people who were enslaved on the former plantation where she was raised. When she is not removing old carpet or training her new puppy Meander, she blogs daily at andilit.com. You can also follow her on Twitter (https://twitter.com/andilit) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/andilitwriter).

Something is Missing

Note from Adrian: I'm still on crazy-first-week-of-school alert. As a result, I'm featuring some awesome guest posts this week!

This is a guest post by Jim Woods. He is a writer, creative coach and dreamer in Nashville, TN. His passion lies in helping others fulfill their dreams. You can read more of his posts at his personal blog  or find him on Twitter -  @unknownjim.

Be sure to thank Jim for his time, thought, and contribution!

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If you were asked to think of total paradise, what comes to mind?

Maybe you picture yourself on a tropical island with your feet in the sand. You might even picture a log cabin and yourself with a book nestled by the fire. Or it could involve a certain mouse, his friends, and a castle.

While I wouldn’t mind visiting any of those amazing destinations, the truth is I have the amazing ability to focus on discontentment—even in paradise. I am quicker to complain than I am to give a compliment. It’s easier to whine, moan and groan about my circumstances than to actually do the work. I sometimes even like to point fingers toward others instead of being a catalyst to bring about change myself.

Please learn from my mistakes.

Whining and complaining only lead to a shift of the blame. These are only techniques for avoiding responsibility. You can rationalize ANYTHING if you shift enough of the circumstances away from yourself. But it is a lie. Take responsibility for your own actions.

The blame game is pointless and a waste of time. Nothing good comes from the blame game—when you give excuses and blame others for your problems and/or issues. It quickly becomes a vicious cycle; I blame my problems on you and you blame your problems on me.

But the REAL problem is discontentment. It is often what drives my actions. The blame game is just a symptom of the problem.

I have an insatiable thirst for both pleasure and something different. Something newer, bigger and better. I’ve tried to fill it with possessions, drugs, sex, alcohol, and social media.

But none of those bring long-term satisfaction or contentment. Sure, they are a great quick fix. And they might even work for a while, but at the end of the day, If I rely on those for my happiness, I’m not remotely fulfilled.

Discontentment is used to sell products and services you don’t really need. You don’t need to buy anything for happiness. You already know this. But yet you do it anyways.

So, what’s the answer? Is there a way to fix this?

Sadly, there is not one simple fix for these issues, but there are several steps you can take.

1. Fill yourself with positive influences. Talk with uplifting friends. Read an interesting book. Spend some time in prayer. Watch a positive movie. Listen to some music. You have many options available to lift your spirits.

2. Avoid negative influences.I try to avoid politics and watching the news. If you have a friend who always complains, ask them to be more positive as it brings you down too. If they still persist, nicely but firmly say that you can not be around them if they are negative. I know this is easier said than done, but keep in mind you are want to live life to the fullest, not just aiming for the status quo.

3. Focus on the positives, not the negatives. This attitude adjustment is key to this. It doesn’t happen overnight. It is a gradual process. If your car has a flat tire, don’t freak out. Know that you will get it fixed and you will still have a great day.

4. Pay Attention to your attitude.If you are having a lot of negative thoughts, know that your attitude needs to be readjusted. Take a break. Go for a walk, giving your attitude a chance to realign. It’s amazing what a difference a 15 minute break can make.

5. Find someone you can vent to. This might sound like it contradicts #2, but it really doesn’t. EVERYONE needs someone they can just vent to, whether it be a good friend or a spouse. I think the key is to tell the other person that you have to vent. You then get 5 minutes to vent. No more, no less. Once you unload, rant, and rave, you have to move forward. I believe this is a healthy way to manage your emotions and get it out of your system instead of just letting anger, stress and frustration build up. You can even call it “rant time” if you’d like. Remember, this time is no longer than 5 minutes.

I truly hope you can learn from some of my mistakes. There is no one quick fix. Discontentment is a real problem. But as with all problems, it is important to unite together to find a solution. You can move toward the solution today by being a positive influence, not a negative one.

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Question: What do you do to avoid being discontent?

On Being More Productive

Note from Adrian: I started my Master's program this week! As a result, my schedule is a little (read: VERY) hectic, so I've lined up a few awesome guest posts this week. Things should return back to normal next week

The first of these guest posts comes from Tessa Hardiman. Tessa Hardiman is a teacher by day and recreational word slinger by night. She blogs regularly at The Recreational Word Slinger. She can be found on Facebook and Twitter, from @tessalou42. 

Be sure to thank her for her awesome contribution!

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This week is a huge week for me. Even bigger than the week I found out I was going to be paired up with Kerri Walsh Jennings for the Rio Olympics.

(Okay, just kidding on that last part.)

This week’s still bigger.

I start my new teaching job today! I’ve been looking for a job for a while, so I absolutely can’t wait to get started. As excited and ecstatic as I am about this new adventure, I know there are going to be some bumps in the road over the next few days/weeks while I get back into the swing of things. After the summer off, it can be hard to get back into a work routine. It usually takes a good two or three snooze button hits and a few cats pouncing on me, claws extended, before I can even think about getting up when that first early alarm goes off.

To try and combat any unknowns that might pop up out of the blue, I’m going to try and set up several routines throughout my day. Having a good workflow will help me (and you!) to be a little bit more organized and prevent any last minute bumps in the road. Take, for example, the time when my husband beat furiously on the back door and on the bedroom windows (hoping to wake me from a sound slumber) out in the freezing cold because he locked himself out.

Here’s how the flow works:

1. The Morning Block- I am not a morning person. I loathe my alarm (see above anecdote). But, I have this urge to write and create, and it is much stronger than my feelings for the time of day. I will be adding something to my morning routine this school year, which means I will be subtracting the amount of sleep I get. See how I have this whole "math" thing down? Too bad I’ll be teaching science.

I didn’t truly discover my love of writing until toward the end of last school year, so I was not really disciplined about getting up in the morning to do it. I just incorporated it into my day where I could. But, this time around, I’ve got to be disciplined about getting up. I’m going to start at 30 minutes earlier, but I may have to increase it to an hour if I’m getting a lot of writing done. Or, if I have more guest posts to write for crazy bearded guys. It’s still a toss up at this point.

2. The Work Block- As it should be, I won’t be able to check my personal e-mail, Facebook, blog, or the Twitta while I’m working. I will need to be organized and have blog posts and Tweets scheduled to post throughout the day. When I’m at work, I need to be focused on teaching and keeping those young whippersnappers in line. This is the smallest block for flow time because most of the planning takes place at the job site.

3. The Night Block- This is when most of us have the biggest chunk of time to get things done. It’s also, sadly, the time when I watch the most TV. Yikes. This habit will get reeled in big time this fall. I need to suck it up and skip the intriguing fall shows that I want to check out (new Sherlock Holmes, anyone?). Thanks to technology, most of these are available to watch online, or I can wait until the end of the season and get them through Netflix.

The night block is when you can get most of the next day’s plans ready to go. Lunch packed. Clothes laid out for the next day. Every little thing ready to go. I also put everything in the same place every night, so I can grab it on my way out of the door in the morning.

It’s quite comical when I realize that I’ve misplaced one of those items. I go through a checklist and look like an idiot while I’m standing in the carport flailing my hands and arms about. You haven’t done anything like that, right?

Once you have your flow set up, it becomes a lot easier to get things done. It can make your days less stressful and help you be more productive. If you find that one day you aren’t as efficient, don’t beat yourself up. You get another chance the next day. Take advantage of it!

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Questions: How does having a workflow help you? What other methods/tools do you use to be productive throughout the day?