More Than a Father

Note from Adrian: This is a guest post from Victoria Shockley, a young up-and-coming writer. Victoria is a sophomore at North Carolina State University with a major in English and a minor in French. She likes to write, read (especially science fiction and classics), and travel. Follow her on Twitter (@Victoria_Writes) or connect with her on LinkedIn.

(Want to write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?) 

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“Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.”

Most people have someone they can go to when they need help, and that person is usually different as one grows older. They have someone to help with homework, offer advice on which classes to take at school, and give suggestions on choosing a career path. They have someone else who can offer religious guidance and answers to life’s difficult questions. They have someone to talk to and provide them with comfort when they’re lonely, and someone else to whom they can sit and talk for hours and just have a good laugh.

For me, my dad is all of these people and more.

He has been by my side through every stage of life. When I was very young, I didn’t know any of the neighbor kids, so he played tea party with me and was the voice of G.I. Joe during pretend games with my Barbie dolls. He read library books to me before bed, and told me bedtime stories that he made up himself. He took me to the pet store to see the fish, and brought me along on all of his errands. On “Take Your Kids to Work” Day, I went with him every year and drew pictures on the whiteboard in his office. He helped me learn to tie my shoes, to read, to ride a bike, to skate, to shoot a rifle, and to play Chess.

My dad introduced religion into my life, and gave me my first cross necklace, which I still have. As a child, I was terrified of the dark, and he told me that keeping the cross nearby and having faith would protect me from any “monsters” in the closet. My first use of prayer was for his safety while he was away on business trips for work.

Years later, he gave me my first Bible, and we began having long discussions about the creation of the universe and what awaits us in the afterlife. Whenever I find myself questioning my faith, he does his best to answer my questions and help me understand.

As I got older, he taught me to drive, and he helped me pick out my first car. Whenever it seems like something is wrong, he’s the first person I ask to look at it. The same is true for problems with my laptop. I’ve gone to him with homework questions and for suggestions on essay topics. He’s helped me write a cover letter, a resignation letter, and a resume, and coached me on how to file my taxes and how to give a good job interview.

My dad has been there for me through the difficult times as well. We moved states in the middle of my high school years, which meant I had to start my junior year at a new school in a city in which I didn’t know a soul. Once I graduated, I started college at a university at which I – again – didn’t know a single person. In new situations like these, I tend to be pretty shy and quiet. This made it hard to make new friends, which has led to a lot of loneliness. It’s nice to talk to my dad about it and have him understand how I feel, since he is also having trouble meeting people at his new job here.

Before I decided to become a writer, I had a lot of trouble with choosing a career path. My dad and I spent countless hours discussing my options, analyzing the different majors offered at my university, and debating the best choice for me. I changed my mind a few times, but he always supported my decision and encouraged me to do what would make me happy.

One year for Christmas, I wrote my dad a list of some good memories that I’ve shared with him throughout my life. It was a page long, and he was pleased with the thoughtfulness of the gift. But a single page can’t possibly encompass an entire 19 years of laughter, learning, and all of those little moments that pass by within minutes, but stay with a person for the rest of their life.

They say it takes a special person to be a dad, and I completely agree. My dad is an inspiration to me; he inspires me to do my best, to work hard and go after what I want without giving up. Without him, I would not be the person that I am today. I love him very much, and I appreciate all the little things he’s done for me.

I’m grateful to have him as part of my life, as more than a father - I’m proud to call him my dad. 

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Questions: Growing up, how involved was your dad? What kind of effect did that have on you? Who do you look up to and why?

This guest post was a guest post from an every-day person, just like you! Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!

Dream at First Sight

Note from Adrian: This is another guest post, as I'm still going crazy with the start of my Master's program. Today's post comes from Andi Cumbo. Be sure to thank her for her contribution!

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I saw the picture, and I knew.  I didn’t even have to blow it up from a thumbnail to see it – this was my farmhouse.

I called the realtor and saw it that day. By the next day, I had put in an offer.  And just three weeks ago, the farmhouse and its ten acres became mine.  

This house, this land – this is my dream.  

I’ve cultivated this dream for 15 years, imagining a place where I could grow my own food – a huge vegetable garden where I’d plant lots of tomatoes for sauce that I’d perfect over years.  A place where I could raise animals – not for meat, but for fiber – alpacas and maybe angora rabbits - and where goats can frolic, not to mention clean up the underbrush.  A place where the people I love – musicians and writers, in particular – can come to relax and rejuvenate.

My farm, I call it.  Qol Dumamah DuQah – the transliteration for the Hebrew phrase God’s Whisper, that voice that speaks so quietly to Elijah in the cave.

The farmhouse is 728 square feet in total and rests on a rise that shows me the mountains of the Blue Ridge in all their weathered beauty.  Up the hill, one day soon, I will build a timber frame house with a huge living room centered on a huge fireplace. The large deck will open onto these mountains.  Then, my father will take over the farmhouse, and people will stay in my guest rooms. Dad and I will build a rustic log cabin, and someone seeking to hermit away a bit can come to rest there.  

My chickens Rusty and Ruby will start our flock, and Meander the bloodhound mix will be the porch dog. Pygmy goats will prance by with alpacas and their handlers, the Great Pyrenees I will adopt.  

I will carve an amphitheater into the hillside so people can play music or read their work. We will drink local scuppernong cider and eat that sauce I’ve perfected poured straight over homemade bread.  

On quiet nights, I will sit on the porch with my legs tucked under an afghan. I will read; I will write; I will pray; I will dream.  

It is so easy to put off our dreams, to say we’ll do them when we have paid off the new carpet or when the kids go to school or when we have enough money.  But what if we never get the carpet paid for, what if the kids never leave home, what if the money never comes? 
 
It’s easy to put off our dreams until the time is “right,” but maybe our definition of the right time isn’t, well, quite right.  It seems to me that sometimes what dreams need is risk – sometimes big, hairy risk.  After all, tiny, tame choices don’t really get us that far.

Right now, I’m still in the process of building up my income as a writer – another risk I took about 3 years ago when I quit full-time college teaching – and in the final stages of editing my first book.  This is not the “ideal” time to be buying property.  Yet still, the place was available now. I could have played it safe and bet that another place would come when I was more “ready,” but I’m a firm believer that the regrets for things you do are so much easier to bear for the things you don’t do.  And right now, I have no regrets of any kind.

I do have fatigue, and the new knowledge that stink bugs live in electric outlets. I have the story of the time a mouse ran over my hand, and a great deal of information about how to remove the smell of cat urine from hardwood – but regrets – not a one.

I’m not sure dreams are things built on practicality. I think they’re built on pillars that seem like they might not hold but can only be tested with wait, like the stones that hold up a one hundred year old farmhouse in the Blue Ridge.  At least, that’s what holds up mine.

What life do you dream into? 

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Andi Cumbo is a writer, editor, and writing teacher who is finishing up her book You Will Not Be Forgotten about the people who were enslaved on the former plantation where she was raised. When she is not removing old carpet or training her new puppy Meander, she blogs daily at andilit.com. You can also follow her on Twitter (https://twitter.com/andilit) or Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/andilitwriter).

Something is Missing

Note from Adrian: I'm still on crazy-first-week-of-school alert. As a result, I'm featuring some awesome guest posts this week!

This is a guest post by Jim Woods. He is a writer, creative coach and dreamer in Nashville, TN. His passion lies in helping others fulfill their dreams. You can read more of his posts at his personal blog  or find him on Twitter -  @unknownjim.

Be sure to thank Jim for his time, thought, and contribution!

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If you were asked to think of total paradise, what comes to mind?

Maybe you picture yourself on a tropical island with your feet in the sand. You might even picture a log cabin and yourself with a book nestled by the fire. Or it could involve a certain mouse, his friends, and a castle.

While I wouldn’t mind visiting any of those amazing destinations, the truth is I have the amazing ability to focus on discontentment—even in paradise. I am quicker to complain than I am to give a compliment. It’s easier to whine, moan and groan about my circumstances than to actually do the work. I sometimes even like to point fingers toward others instead of being a catalyst to bring about change myself.

Please learn from my mistakes.

Whining and complaining only lead to a shift of the blame. These are only techniques for avoiding responsibility. You can rationalize ANYTHING if you shift enough of the circumstances away from yourself. But it is a lie. Take responsibility for your own actions.

The blame game is pointless and a waste of time. Nothing good comes from the blame game—when you give excuses and blame others for your problems and/or issues. It quickly becomes a vicious cycle; I blame my problems on you and you blame your problems on me.

But the REAL problem is discontentment. It is often what drives my actions. The blame game is just a symptom of the problem.

I have an insatiable thirst for both pleasure and something different. Something newer, bigger and better. I’ve tried to fill it with possessions, drugs, sex, alcohol, and social media.

But none of those bring long-term satisfaction or contentment. Sure, they are a great quick fix. And they might even work for a while, but at the end of the day, If I rely on those for my happiness, I’m not remotely fulfilled.

Discontentment is used to sell products and services you don’t really need. You don’t need to buy anything for happiness. You already know this. But yet you do it anyways.

So, what’s the answer? Is there a way to fix this?

Sadly, there is not one simple fix for these issues, but there are several steps you can take.

1. Fill yourself with positive influences. Talk with uplifting friends. Read an interesting book. Spend some time in prayer. Watch a positive movie. Listen to some music. You have many options available to lift your spirits.

2. Avoid negative influences.I try to avoid politics and watching the news. If you have a friend who always complains, ask them to be more positive as it brings you down too. If they still persist, nicely but firmly say that you can not be around them if they are negative. I know this is easier said than done, but keep in mind you are want to live life to the fullest, not just aiming for the status quo.

3. Focus on the positives, not the negatives. This attitude adjustment is key to this. It doesn’t happen overnight. It is a gradual process. If your car has a flat tire, don’t freak out. Know that you will get it fixed and you will still have a great day.

4. Pay Attention to your attitude.If you are having a lot of negative thoughts, know that your attitude needs to be readjusted. Take a break. Go for a walk, giving your attitude a chance to realign. It’s amazing what a difference a 15 minute break can make.

5. Find someone you can vent to. This might sound like it contradicts #2, but it really doesn’t. EVERYONE needs someone they can just vent to, whether it be a good friend or a spouse. I think the key is to tell the other person that you have to vent. You then get 5 minutes to vent. No more, no less. Once you unload, rant, and rave, you have to move forward. I believe this is a healthy way to manage your emotions and get it out of your system instead of just letting anger, stress and frustration build up. You can even call it “rant time” if you’d like. Remember, this time is no longer than 5 minutes.

I truly hope you can learn from some of my mistakes. There is no one quick fix. Discontentment is a real problem. But as with all problems, it is important to unite together to find a solution. You can move toward the solution today by being a positive influence, not a negative one.

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Question: What do you do to avoid being discontent?

On Being More Productive

Note from Adrian: I started my Master's program this week! As a result, my schedule is a little (read: VERY) hectic, so I've lined up a few awesome guest posts this week. Things should return back to normal next week

The first of these guest posts comes from Tessa Hardiman. Tessa Hardiman is a teacher by day and recreational word slinger by night. She blogs regularly at The Recreational Word Slinger. She can be found on Facebook and Twitter, from @tessalou42. 

Be sure to thank her for her awesome contribution!

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This week is a huge week for me. Even bigger than the week I found out I was going to be paired up with Kerri Walsh Jennings for the Rio Olympics.

(Okay, just kidding on that last part.)

This week’s still bigger.

I start my new teaching job today! I’ve been looking for a job for a while, so I absolutely can’t wait to get started. As excited and ecstatic as I am about this new adventure, I know there are going to be some bumps in the road over the next few days/weeks while I get back into the swing of things. After the summer off, it can be hard to get back into a work routine. It usually takes a good two or three snooze button hits and a few cats pouncing on me, claws extended, before I can even think about getting up when that first early alarm goes off.

To try and combat any unknowns that might pop up out of the blue, I’m going to try and set up several routines throughout my day. Having a good workflow will help me (and you!) to be a little bit more organized and prevent any last minute bumps in the road. Take, for example, the time when my husband beat furiously on the back door and on the bedroom windows (hoping to wake me from a sound slumber) out in the freezing cold because he locked himself out.

Here’s how the flow works:

1. The Morning Block- I am not a morning person. I loathe my alarm (see above anecdote). But, I have this urge to write and create, and it is much stronger than my feelings for the time of day. I will be adding something to my morning routine this school year, which means I will be subtracting the amount of sleep I get. See how I have this whole "math" thing down? Too bad I’ll be teaching science.

I didn’t truly discover my love of writing until toward the end of last school year, so I was not really disciplined about getting up in the morning to do it. I just incorporated it into my day where I could. But, this time around, I’ve got to be disciplined about getting up. I’m going to start at 30 minutes earlier, but I may have to increase it to an hour if I’m getting a lot of writing done. Or, if I have more guest posts to write for crazy bearded guys. It’s still a toss up at this point.

2. The Work Block- As it should be, I won’t be able to check my personal e-mail, Facebook, blog, or the Twitta while I’m working. I will need to be organized and have blog posts and Tweets scheduled to post throughout the day. When I’m at work, I need to be focused on teaching and keeping those young whippersnappers in line. This is the smallest block for flow time because most of the planning takes place at the job site.

3. The Night Block- This is when most of us have the biggest chunk of time to get things done. It’s also, sadly, the time when I watch the most TV. Yikes. This habit will get reeled in big time this fall. I need to suck it up and skip the intriguing fall shows that I want to check out (new Sherlock Holmes, anyone?). Thanks to technology, most of these are available to watch online, or I can wait until the end of the season and get them through Netflix.

The night block is when you can get most of the next day’s plans ready to go. Lunch packed. Clothes laid out for the next day. Every little thing ready to go. I also put everything in the same place every night, so I can grab it on my way out of the door in the morning.

It’s quite comical when I realize that I’ve misplaced one of those items. I go through a checklist and look like an idiot while I’m standing in the carport flailing my hands and arms about. You haven’t done anything like that, right?

Once you have your flow set up, it becomes a lot easier to get things done. It can make your days less stressful and help you be more productive. If you find that one day you aren’t as efficient, don’t beat yourself up. You get another chance the next day. Take advantage of it!

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Questions: How does having a workflow help you? What other methods/tools do you use to be productive throughout the day?

A Request

The internet is a crazy place.

If you're gone for a day, it's like you've missed a week. If you're gone for a week, it's like a month. And if you're gone for a couple of months, it's like you died, were reincarnated, and grew back into an adult.

In other words, being gone two months isn't advisable to most. Especially to most running a blog.

Before my hiatus, I had a certain rhythm to blogging. Getting that rhythm back has been a pain, but it's returned like good, ol' muscle memory always does. However, there's one thing missing...

Over the course of the two years (an eternity in internet time) Life Before the Bucket has been around, we've been blessed by some inspiring writing. And I'm not talking about my own. I'm talking about your writing. Here are a few of the most popular guest posts I've been blessed to feature:

Doing Something Harder by Natalie of Little Things + Big Stuff

Maybe Tomorrow by Melanie Dawson of Penguins on My Shirt

Planting Trees is Social Justice by Aly Lewis of Memoirs of Algeisha

A Fish Out of Water by Heather Reese of My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream

You see, guest posts come in all shapes and sizes and from all different perspectives. They're a taste of something bigger and better, an entire person with an entire story.

That's why I would like to begin featuring guest posts once again on Life Before the Bucket. 

Now, though, I'd like to stretch you all beyond our "Living to the Fullest" series. I will still accept guest posts under that topic. However, I think there's even more that many of you could say. That's why I'd like to accept guest posts on a number of different levels. I'd like to hear from you if you're interested in writing on any of these topics:

Living to the Fullest - As before, if you have a perspective on living to the fullest that we haven't heard (or maybe that we need reminded of), feel free to let me know about it!

Humor - This topic is wide open. I like to feature a humorous post every once in a while, so as long as it's clean, it's good with me. Just let me know!

Your Story - I'd love to hear the story of how you've become who you are today, or how you're becoming who you want to be. This is another topic that is wide open for interpretation.

Current Events - As evidenced by numerous posts in the past, I'm terrible at posting about current events while they're actually current. I like to digest the thoughts of every one around me before I formulate my own on a matter. So if something is happening in the world and you'd like to write a guest post about it, let me know!

Beliefs/Religion/Christian Living - A lot of my posts on Life Before the Bucket fall under this category. It's another wide-open category that's open to interpretation. We all have a reason we believe what we believe, and we all have ideas on how we should be living out our faith. This is open to people of all beliefs and faiths - Christianity just tends to be the focus around here as a result of my own faith.

If you can think of any other topics, let me know!

But I'm not only posting this request for me. I'd like to do something for you as well.

As a part of the renovation taking place in my heart (especially in terms of blogging), I'd like to be more active in the blogging community, contributing as much to others as I receive.

As a result, I'd like you to let me know if you're featuring guest posts on your own blog or on another blog that you love. I need to be more involved in contributing to others' blogs, and this is one way I know I'm able to do that. I'm open to just about anything, so let me know what to write about and I'll make it happen!

This, my friends, marks the end of my request. I know it's long, but I'm serious about sharing my platform and contributing to the platforms of others.

Let's work together in this.

Questions: What other topics should be featured as guest posts on Life Before the Bucket? Do you have a guest post series going on that I should know about? 

Let me hear your thoughts in the Comments section, or shoot me an e-mail and let me know what you're thinking! Thanks for reading!

Maybe Tomorrow

Note from Adrian: This is a guest post from a great blogger and mother named Melanie Dawson. Melanie is 32 years old. She plays several roles: during the day she is a special education teacher, and by night she is Super Mom! She has two Masters Degrees in education, and she absolutely loves what she does. Her role as Super Mom gets a little tricky sometimes. She has a 12 year old son, Sebastian, her daughter Tyler is 10, and little Mason is 5. They keep her going all day long, and she loves it!

You can follow Melanie on her blog, Penguins on My Shirt. 

(Want to write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?) 

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Typical - that was my life.

I was married to my high school sweetheart, Mike, and together we were raising our three beautiful children. We both worked full time jobs, and took turns transporting the kids to their endless sporting activities. An hour each way for gymnastics twice a week, soccer, piano lessons, more gymnastics - every moment was scheduled. It felt like we were never home.

Family meals were often found at the bottom of a fast food bag, and homework was done in the car. We rarely took time for ourselves. Sure we took family vacations, and we worked hard to create memories with the kids, but we were young. We often joked that our time would come when the kids left the nest, then we would focus on us. Could we have been more wrong?

April 14, 2011 my life changed, and so did my priorities. I came home from work to find that Mike had passed away from a heart attack. He was 34. My husband, companion and best friend was suddenly gone. We had been together since I was 17, and it would have been our 14th wedding anniversary that year. How could it be possible that I was a widow at the age of 31? Gone were the tomorrows we had planned for.

Living life to the fullest no longer means that I try to cram my day full of more than it can hold. Instead, I give my kids more magic kisses than their little faces can hold.

It no longer means putting off until tomorrow the memories I want to create today. 

It no longer means putting myself after everyone else in my life. 

I now understand that I cannot be the mother I want to be if I don’t take time for me. There are fewer moments of “Wait a minute,” or “I can’t right now.” I try to stop what I’m doing to acknowledge every piece of artwork and every out of tune song. We take things slow, day by day, and sometimes moment by moment.

We still get caught up in the little things that don’t really matter when compared to the grand scheme of things; however, those moments are becoming fewer and fewer. My life is at its fullest when my kids wrap their arms around me and say…

“Mom, I love you. Real or not real?”

“Mom, I love you to infinity and beyond.”

“Mom, here are your magic kisses! They won’t ever come off!”

What could be better than that?

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Questions: What events in your life have drastically altered your priorities? What are you putting off until "tomorrow" that should be done today?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!

Letting Go of Grudges

Note from Adrian: This is a guest post from one of my new blogging friends named Luke. Luke is an aspiring author and rollercoaster designer. He is currently studying engineering at Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology in Terre Haute, Indiana. He loves the cornfields of the Midwest much more than the beaches by his home in San Diego, and if you ever meet him, he’ll probably give you a hug.

You can follow his blog, Twitter, or check out his model roller-coasters on Youtube.

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The other day I met with a guy I hadn’t seen for many years. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: So, uh, I really wanted to talk to you, cause, ummm...

Guy: Cause what? You can tell me.

Me: Well, cause I’ve kind of hated you for the past five years.

Guy: What?! Why?

Me: Cause five years ago, I was struggling with being gay, and then you spoke and said some stuff that sounded really homophobic. I was planning on finally asking for help that day, but after you spoke I changed my mind.

I braced myself for the reaction. Was this Christian guy going to get offended and lash out at me? Was he going to just get up and walk away?

The guy didn’t do any of the things I feared he would do. Instead, he looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m SO sorry.” And he said it in that real honest kind of way (as opposed to the not honest politician sort of way).

We had a good conversation after that. At first he thought I was living a gay lifestyle, so he told me that he loved me and cared for me no matter what I did. He said he wished that one day I would find comfort in God instead of in other men.

I quickly corrected him and told him that I fight my desires every day. I explained that once I worked up the courage to tell people, my struggles got a lot easier. Once I told people what I was going through, I stopped wondering, “What if they all hate me?”

Instead, I started thinking, “I can’t believe these people still love me.” And while this thought has never made my struggles go away, it has given me a stronger resolve to fight. Before I left, the guy prayed for me and gave me a hug.

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I also felt guilty that I had waited 5 years to have this conversation. “God, if I’ve really hurt someone,” I prayed,
“Please have them talk to me right away. Don’t let them hold it in for as long as I did.”

The whole conversation with the guy couldn’t have lasted more than an hour, but within that hour, 5 years of bitterness melted away. Not all such conversations have turned out as spectacularly for me, but if you feel bitter against someone, you should take any opportunity you can to make things better, even if it means opening up your heart to someone you don’t like.

There always seems to be that guy (or girl) in your life that fills you with anger and frustration every time you think about them. Whenever you happen to walk by them, you think, “Please don’t talk to me. Please don’t talk to me.” Most of the time, they don’t talk to you and you continue to feel that anger towards them in the depths of your heart.

Stop doing that. Go up to that person, but not in an angry way. Make yourself vulnerable and show them how you feel. Hope for an apology from them, but be ready to apologize for some crazy thing they confront you with. It might not always work out perfectly, but it should lift the weight of the bitterness you’ve been holding in. Life can be enjoyed so much more when you don’t have a gazillion past grudges holding you down.

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Questions: Have you ever struggled with holding grudges? What keeps you from talking with people who you dislike? How do you think you would feel if you talked with someone you held a grudge against?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!

image credit: windchime - sxc.hu

Living to the Fullest: Can a Worn-Out Mum Do it?

Note from Adrian: Today's post comes from a great blogging friend of mine: Kerry Miller-Whalen. Kerry is a somewhat eccentric Australian mum and primary school teacher, living in the Southern Highlands of NSW. Her passions are her kids, writing, pets, organic gardening, and home renovations (you should see her plasterwork!).

You can follow Kerry on her blog and connect with her on Facebook - she always loves a good conversation! 

(Want to write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?)

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For most of us, I suspect the phrase “living life to the full” conjures up images of active, laughing young people, all healthy and attractive, of course, and possibly participating in some kind of water sport…

Alright, I think the image I have in my mind right now came straight from a Coca-Cola ad.

As appealing as those laughing, perfect images may be, they certainly don’t represent my life. In my case, I’m forty-something (pushing fifty-something). I don’t look good in a bikini. Although I like to be active, I’m not as healthy as I used to be. A few years back I suffered a serious emotional and physical burnout – the result of pushing myself too hard for too long, in too many areas. I am recovering, but still easily fatigued. There is a definite limit to how much “full living” I can pack into each day.

Living my life to the full does not usually involve water sports, extreme experiences, or great “highs.” Not that I never have fun; I am naturally extroverted, so sometimes I do crazy stuff with my kids and with my friends, and sometimes there are parties and fun times. But not all the time. In fact, not even usually. Too much of that stuff and I get wayyy too tired. Usually, things are pretty quiet and mundane.

And I think I’ve finally learned something. Going from one big experience to another, whether it be partying, climbing Everest (not that I’ve ever done such a thing), or the buzz of a challenging work project, can leave you feeling empty and lost between-times. You can run away from those empty spaces, by immersing yourself in more experiences – but that’s escaping; not living.

And it turns out the times when my life feels the “fullest” are not the “big experiences”, at all. It turns out they are the times I am truly present with the people I love. Enjoying a bit of leisure time with my extended family, and just... driving with my kids. Enjoying music, Sharing my hopes and dreams. Genuinely connecting with someone in the blogosphere who’s been asking the same questions as I have. Sharing a cuppa and maybe even a few tears with a friend who knows my heart, as we share each other’s sorrows.

So I find that my life feels “full” in relationships. But there is a BIG difficulty with this.

Connecting honestly with others is not always sweet, loving, pleasant, or fun. “Others,” if we let them close enough, will challenge our conceptions of who we are. They will provoke and unsettle us.

And what follows from this, and is even WORSE; is that it is impossible to connect genuinely with others UNLESS you are willing to honestly connect with yourself.

That is the big challenge.

In my case, being fully present in my OWN life is something which tends to be very difficult. Being fully present as me often means feeling tired, and sometimes depressed. Far too often it means being at my wits’ end with squabbling children. Presently, it involves living a kind of relationship half-life, separated but not yet divorced. My marriage over, but not over – as full closure has not been reached. And there are times when I really do need to “escape”; a movie, a night out with friends, a glass or two of something pleasantly alcoholic.

Escaping in these ways is not in itself a bad thing. We all need respite from real life from time to time. However, it is not possible to live forever in respite. The reality of who we are (perhaps it’s more accurate to say, who we really believe we are – but that’s another discussion) is not something we can escape from.

Living life to the full is not about filling it up with experiences, the way you fill a cup with water. In my case, the cup is cracked, anyway. Our “life” is, moment by moment, who we are in ourselves and in relationship with others. Living it fully involves pain and frailty, as well as joy. It involves honesty about the ugliness and the brokenness. It necessitates moving through grief.

Surprisingly, in honestly facing my own brokenness and that of others, I have discovered not only genuine connection, but an overwhelming sense of life and beauty and joy. Reality is messy. It is often painful. But it is also beautiful. That experience is teaching me not to fear really living my own life “to the full.”

... ... ...

Questions: Have you ever tried escaping as a way of living? What downsides are there to living this way? How can you be more fully present in your own life (and in the lives of those around you) today?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!


image credit - /\ltus - Flikr Creative Commons

Living to the Fullest: Can the Brokenhearted do it?

Note from Adrian: This is our next installment in the "Living to the Fullest" guest post series. Today's post is from Angela, a friend I've known for years and years.   Angela is a Romanian born, Kansan bred Christian, now residing in north Alabama as a 21 year old nursing major. She enjoys playing piano, and whenever writers block and business subsides, she writes a blog or two. You can follow her on her blog, on Facebook, or on Twitter.

(Want to write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?)

... ... ...

Recently, a relationship of mine ended, a family member passed away, and a few other closer relationships passed as well. The outward appearance of the brokenhearted can show all of the pain and depression, or it can show joy and happiness, even if you aren’t feeling it. 

Feeling down in the dumps after a recent break up can really get to you. Really, any traumatic experience to the heart can leave you feeling lonely and depressed. With all of the above happening in such a short amount of time, it’s been pretty rough on my heart. When I don’t think my heart can be shattered anymore, along comes another hammer to break it into even tinier pieces. I know you know what I’m feeling if you’ve ever lost someone close to you or had a close friendship dissipate.

So, how can we live to the fullest when it feels like our entire world has shattered? It may sound redundant, but you pick up the pieces and you stand. You move forward. You press on. 

I read a poem a few years back. I know I put it in one of my journals a while back. The poem talked about a little kid and their toy. It was broken. No matter how long the child sat there trying to fix the broken toy, the toy still did not fix itself. It wasn’t until the kid picked up the pieces of the toy and handed it to his father that the toy was fixed. 

The same goes for our broken-heartedness. If we sit and mope around all day long, how will that help in living life to the fullest? It won’t. It would be doing the complete opposite. It would be living life to the least. Until you give your broken heartedness up to the Father and pick yourself up, the more down and out you will become.

Living to the fullest means getting out in the world. Interacting with people. Building new relationships. Growing closer to old friends. Taking a walk in the park. Or going running. Anything to take your mind off the stabbing pain in your heart. 

Only time will heal the wounds of the heart (another cliché - oops). For instance, I’ve taken up my art again. Started drawing my comic strip again. Opened a book that needed to be opened again. Spent time with my Savior. Anything to make me feel whole again. So, if you’re brokenhearted and downtrodden, ask yourself, “How will I get out of this pit I’m in and start living life to the fullest?”

Adrian may not remember this, but a while back, he posted on a blog (editor's note: it's from my Xanga - now that's a throwback) a poem entitled “Enjoy Life”. I’m guessing he wrote it, because I can’t imagine anyone else writing it but him. I wrote I down and printed it out. It has stuck with me for years and years. And, I offer it as encouragement now.

Get up early and watch the sunrise.

Enjoy Life

Sing louder than you’re supposed to. Even when people are around.

Enjoy Life

Make one of your parents breakfast without expecting anything in return. (Because the look on their face is worth it)

Enjoy Life

Visit someone elderly who needs someone to talk to. It will make their day. (And yours)

Enjoy Life

Eat at a fancy restaurant just because.

Enjoy Life

Go out to eat at McDonald's and enjoy every minute of it.

Enjoy Life

Hang out with your friends. Even if it’s just doing nothing.

Enjoy Life

Listen to loud music, and have a blast looking like an idiot while you’re doing it.

Enjoy Life

Dance, even if you don’t think you can, because chances are, someone around you can’t either.

Enjoy Life

Live with no regrets, and make the best of every moment. Life throws us curveballs, and sometimes they hit us square in the face. But even when that does happen, we need to just get up and smile even if it does hurt a little because it’s worth it.

This is the only today you’ll ever get. Right here, and right now. Make the best of it. Live life to the fullest, because Christ died just so we might be able to. Jesus came so that we might have life and have it to the FULL!

Enjoy life.

... ... ...

Questions: Do you struggle to enjoy life when times get hard? What do you do that you enjoy that breaks your slump? How important is it for you to continue living to the fullest, even when times are difficult?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!

Win of the Week

...Huh? What?

Oh, yes, yes. Hi there.

I feel like I've been knocked upside the head with a sledgehammer.

BUT, regardless of how I feel, today is Friday!

(cue the party hats, streamers, and balloons)

And, since it's Friday, regardless of how we feel, we celebrate. We share our Win of the Week with one another, because, after a long week, we sometimes need a pat on the back!

I'm having a difficult time deciding on my Win of the Week. It's been a pretty exciting week. We were able to spend time with family this past weekend. I also had an interview for a potential Master's Program earlier on in the week. Then, later on in the week, we turned in our "big" senior paper (which I finished a couple of weeks ago - but more on that later).

It's so difficult to pick sometimes, which I suppose isn't a terrible problem to have.

I guess I'd have to say that my Win of the Week would have to be... guest posting at Kerry's blog! Kerry has recently started following along here at Life Before the Bucket and brings an entirely new perspective to me as I write. I thought I'd return the favor to her by posting about rest, so be sure to check it out sometime today and leave your thoughts on the post that I wrote!

So... What about you? What was your Win of the Week?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

Surprise!

What's this? Two posts in one day? Color me befuddled!

That's right, folks. I'm here for a second time today.

But I'm here to send you away.

So leave! Go away!

Oh, wait, I forgot to tell you where to go.

Check out Kerry's Heady Brew for a guest post I just wrote as a part of a series on rest!

I would've posted about it this morning, but she's in Australia, and time's all... metric, and stuff. So it's morning there now! Check it out!

I've Got a Confession

Alright, fellow Bucketeers. I've got a confession to make.

But it isn't happening here!

Caleb Wilde, over at Confessions of a Funeral Director, has so kindly allowed me to use his web space carry out my ultimate plan to takeover the internet to share a post with him and his crowd.

Rumor has it that there will also be a ridiculous picture of me (and my beard) posted as well.

So come on over and read what I've written, leave your thoughts in the form of a comment, and share it with your friends!
 
Thanks!

Click the image to check out my guest post!

Assuming the Position

We're only getting about 8 hours of solid daylight around here. Not good motivation for the last week of school. Or finals. Boo, finals.

I'm pretty stoked.

Overwhelmingly stoked, in fact.

One of my favorite blogs, authored by Jamie Wright, the Very Worst Missionary, is renting out their web space to me!

She's a pretty awesome woman (even though I've never actually met her), and her husband has a beard that's even better than mine.

Plus, there's a picture of me there from when I was like 15 (it's from my Twitter account - my wife was kind enough to laugh at me for it) and didn't even have a beard.

So do yourself (and me!) a favor and go check it out, leave some feedback, and thank Jamie for letting me guest post! And give her a "follow" while you're at it!

You guys rock. Thanks in advance.

Traveling Thoughts

Couldn't ask for better weather outside. Enjoying this while it lasts!

Alrighty, fellow Bucketeers, here's the deal.

Darci, over at Page Traveler Tales, rented out her blog space to me for the day... for free!

Wasn't that nice of her?

So hop on over there to check out a special guest post I wrote for her and to see all of the other stuff she's written as well! Don't leave me hanging!

Not Quite a Bucket List

Today I'm featuring a guest post from one of my closest friends, Bekah. She's a great writer and an inspirational person, as her blog will testify. Leave her some rockin' feedback and check out the other stuff she's written while you're at it!

Not Quite a Bucket List

A bucket list.  I’ve contemplated whether or not I want one of these.  I mean, I am a list person.  I make lists of things to do each day.  Lists of things for which to shop.  Lists for different projects at work.  Sometimes I end up making lists of all the lists I need to make.  But somehow, in all this list making, I’ve never made a bucket list.  Hmmm… kind of weird.

Despite my lack of a bucket list, I did decide the other day that there are many things I love to do, but never really take the time to do them.  I began a list, similar to a bucket list in the sense that they are things I want to make time to do as I go through life.  Yet, it is very different in the fact that I’ve probably done most of these things already and they aren’t really once in a life time things.  In fact, they are almost all things I wish I could do every day.   The title of my list you may ask….?

THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY

Who doesn’t want a little more joy in life?  Even when we are very joyful it’s nice to add a little extra.  So here’s what I did: 

I started this list a couple weeks or so ago.  I’m planning to write (or maybe print off the computer) each of the things on this list on a little card.   Then, I’m going to put them in a jar or dish or hat or something I randomly find laying around the house.  Each morning I’m going to draw a slip of paper from the container and try to do that thing in the day. 

Here’s my list so far:

Things that Bring Me Joy:

1. Make a card to mail to a friend
2. Go for a run
3. Go for a walk… and take your camera with!
4. Find somewhere to volunteer for an hour or two
5. Go for a hike
6. Write a letter to a friend
7. Call a friend you haven’t heard from in a while
8. Make something special for dinner
9. Call a friend and invite them over for dinner
10. Bake some bread from scratch
11. Wander through the blog-o-sphere
12. Go to Niagara Falls (for some this may be on their “bucket list” but for me, being that it’s only 20 miles away, I can basically do this anytime I want)
13. Go rent a movie to watch and pop some popcorn on the stove
14. Play your guitar
15. Write a silly song about something that happened today
16. Read a book
17. Go to the library and read a bunch of children’s books
18. Write a blog post.
19. Eat some ice cream
20. Get all dressed up for dinner (and either go out, or even just get all dressed up and stay at home.)
21. Take a bubble bath
22. Make plans for your next vacation (even if it is a dream vacation you may never actually take.)
23. Plant something
24. Cut some fresh flowers
25. Take some flowers to someone… just because
26. Find a kid to hang out with
27. Kickbox to some favorite songs
28. Go to the farmer’s market
29. Watch a sunrise
30. Go to the park and swing on the swing
31. Color in a coloring book
32. Be crafty… scrapbook, decoupage, crochet, etc.
33. Make some homemade paper
34. Find something to do in town that you’ve never done before
35. Go for a drive, roll down the windows  and turn up the music and sing along
36. Do something nice for someone or leave them a note… and do it all without letting them know or figure out who did it
37. Go lay in the grass and stare at the clouds (or, if in winter, go build a snowman)

My list continues to grow….  I plan to keep blank slips of paper near my container and add to it often. 

But I wonder… what would be on your list?  What are the things that if you did them everyday you would never get sick of them… the things that just bring a smile to your face… the things that may seem a little crazy or childish or whatever, but you enjoy doing anyway.  What would be on your list of “Things that Bring Me Joy”?

Okay… now go  make your list and start enjoying life a little more each day!

Goal Overload?

Hola, Bucketeers! Today, I have the pleasure of featuring another great guest poster! Today, we have Amy from Non-Stop Mom! She has a great post for you, so show her some love through the comments and give her blog a visit and a follow! 

Goal Overload? 

If you have been following my blog (first of all, thank you) then you probably already know about our upcoming road trip. If you haven’t been (you should), then here’s a little bit of background information.

I am a 40 year old single mother of 5 kids. Yes, F-I-V-E. My daughters are 11 and 9, and my sons are 7, 5, and 4. We are leaving our home in central Kansas and driving through 10 states and the District of Columbia on what has now been dubbed “The Mother of All Road Trips: 2011 Edition” or TMOART:2011 for semi-short. 

There are so many goals that are wrapped up into this trip – and this trip is going to be so much more than just a “road trip”.

The main goal, the main reason for why we are even undertaking this is so that the kids and I can see my parents. I grew up in Pennsylvania, and my parents are still there along with a few of my siblings. My parents had me later in their lives, and so they are now in their 80s. The last time that we saw them was 2 years ago, and my youngest son does not remember that trip. Now, at 4 years old, he will remember at least bits and pieces of it – and if, God forbid, something were to happen to my parents, he would at least have a few memories of his grandparents. My parents are for all intents and purposes the only grandparents that he has – his paternal grandparents are not involved in his life at all (read my blog for that story as well).

Dreaming Big

Guess what? Today's your lucky day! You get to listen to somebody much funnier and much more inspirational than I could ever hope to be! Ben is a great guy who wrote up a great post for you guys, so give him some love and go check out his blog!

Hi.

I'm Ben.

Which means I'm not Adrian. 

Which means this is a guest post.

Which means I'm making progress on my list of things to accomplish in my 19th year on this planet. Now that Kate Middleton is officially off the market, my goal of writing at least 7 guest posts for other blogs has moved up to the #2 spot.

What is #1 you ask from the edge of your seat?

Glad you asked.

It's to raise $10,000 to help me make my music and to provide clean water to a village that doesn't currently have it.

A Fish Out of Water...

Today I am featuring my first ever guest poster! When I begged for some awesome writers to help out a couple of weeks ago, Heather, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream, was the first to answer the call! Be sure to give her wonderful blog a visit and show her some love and respect in the comments here! She deserves it!

A Fish Out of Water...

That is what I feel like right now, getting ready to talk about my lack of Christianity on Adrian's blog.

I was very surprised when I wrote a post for my blog called Why I Don't Have a God. The comments on the post were surprisingly respectful, and a lot of people were very tolerant of my views, despite the fact that their own views are different. I'm not usually one to talk about religion, mostly because when I bring it up, I get trampled on and questioned. I don't like to label myself as a certain religion, simply because I'm not sure there is one that fits what I believe. I don't believe in the Christian God. I believe in an after life, but not Heaven or Hell. I don't believe that there is some sort of divine guidance in my life - I believe in fate and destiny. I could type a whole post, or ten, about my beliefs. But that isn't what I'm here to talk about today. I want to talk about tolerance.

Oops, I Did it Again

I'm not sure what's with all of the song-inspired titles lately...

Today I'm going to do something daring. Something crazy. Something a little wacky.

I'm going to break some sort of unwritten blogging code and hope the blog police don't come for me.

I'm going to, once more, grovel for guest posts.

I received some great responses the first time I posted about this a couple of weeks ago, so I just wanted to throw the opportunity out there once more for anyone who might have missed it or maybe had just forgotten.

I need some awesome, epic guest posters!

That means YOU! 

So, for the sake of not writing the exact same blog post twice, I wanted to share a few guest posts with you to help inspire you. Consider this my Shameless Plugging for the week, so I don't seem completely self-centered and self-promoting.

"Beating Writer's Block" by Jon Acuff - This is the most recent guest post that I've read and has some great advice for writers from Jon Acuff, a Christian blogger and author. He posted on a blog site called Money Saving Mom, which sounds completely out of his realm, and I thought that was pretty gutsy.

What I learned from this guest post: You can guest post anywhere. All you have to do is ask!

My Guest Post at My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream - Alright, this is pretty self-centered and self-promoting, I have to admit. But this is just another example of a guest post that may have been in a realm that doesn't necessarily line up with the one I normally write in.

What I learned from this guest post: If you guest post, you're guaranteed to sound funnier and smarter. I'm not sure why, but that's just the way it works. Sort of like when you eat someone else's ice cream. It always tastes better than it would have if it was your own.

"My Average Day Mostly Sucks" by Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary - I'm not sure what it was about this guest post, but it is one of my favorites. Jamie took F.U. Question's theme and flipped it on its head and then made a great guest post out of it!

What I learned from this guest post: I will never, in a million, bajillion years, be able to write as well as Jamie Wright. Sometimes, you just have to know when to admit these sort of things.

What I actually learned: You don't even have to run with a blog's theme when writing a guest post. Which means you could actually write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket explaining why you don't have a Bucket List or why you hate making goals. You just never know what I could go for!

Hopefully this has encouraged you to think about guest posting not only here, but on your other favorite blogs as well! Let me know if you're interested in guest posting here through a comment or in an e-mail and we'll make it happen!

I Don't Want to Beg, But...

Farmer's Markets are probably the best invention ever. Reminds me so much of the markets in Sierra Leone.

Alright, fellow Bucketeers. I didn't want to do it, but...

I'm begging for your help!

(Yes, the title says I don't want to beg. Doesn't mean I won't do it!)

If you haven't noticed as of late, I haven't been feeling very well. I'm not really sure this is going to be remedied anytime in the very near future, and I only feel more tired each day. Quite frankly, it sucks. That's why I need your help.

Instead of shamelessly plugging blogs today, as I usually do, I would like to shamelessly plug Life Before the Bucket...

for guest posts!

I'll be honest. I could survive without them, but honestly, I want to feature other people's writing on here! There are about a million avenues you could take when writing a guest post here on Life Before the Bucket:

Write about a life goal you've recently accomplished.
Write about a goal you've failed at (I do this frequently).
Write about a goal you're in the process of achieving.
Write about something that has absolutely nothing to do with your goals (again, I do this frequently).
Write about a specific hero that you have - we all need a little inspiration.

Or just about anything else you can think of.

If you write it, I can make it work.

So here I am, on my virtual, interweb knees, pleading for your help.

Would you consider writing a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?

If you're willing, able, or whatever the case may be, just e-mail me at awaller1990@gmail.com. You can send me the potential post in whatever format you please, and I'll let you know what I think!

Thank you so much in advance. You have no clue how much this will help me out.