Living to the Fullest: Can a Worn-Out Mum Do it?

Note from Adrian: Today's post comes from a great blogging friend of mine: Kerry Miller-Whalen. Kerry is a somewhat eccentric Australian mum and primary school teacher, living in the Southern Highlands of NSW. Her passions are her kids, writing, pets, organic gardening, and home renovations (you should see her plasterwork!).

You can follow Kerry on her blog and connect with her on Facebook - she always loves a good conversation! 

(Want to write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?)

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For most of us, I suspect the phrase “living life to the full” conjures up images of active, laughing young people, all healthy and attractive, of course, and possibly participating in some kind of water sport…

Alright, I think the image I have in my mind right now came straight from a Coca-Cola ad.

As appealing as those laughing, perfect images may be, they certainly don’t represent my life. In my case, I’m forty-something (pushing fifty-something). I don’t look good in a bikini. Although I like to be active, I’m not as healthy as I used to be. A few years back I suffered a serious emotional and physical burnout – the result of pushing myself too hard for too long, in too many areas. I am recovering, but still easily fatigued. There is a definite limit to how much “full living” I can pack into each day.

Living my life to the full does not usually involve water sports, extreme experiences, or great “highs.” Not that I never have fun; I am naturally extroverted, so sometimes I do crazy stuff with my kids and with my friends, and sometimes there are parties and fun times. But not all the time. In fact, not even usually. Too much of that stuff and I get wayyy too tired. Usually, things are pretty quiet and mundane.

And I think I’ve finally learned something. Going from one big experience to another, whether it be partying, climbing Everest (not that I’ve ever done such a thing), or the buzz of a challenging work project, can leave you feeling empty and lost between-times. You can run away from those empty spaces, by immersing yourself in more experiences – but that’s escaping; not living.

And it turns out the times when my life feels the “fullest” are not the “big experiences”, at all. It turns out they are the times I am truly present with the people I love. Enjoying a bit of leisure time with my extended family, and just... driving with my kids. Enjoying music, Sharing my hopes and dreams. Genuinely connecting with someone in the blogosphere who’s been asking the same questions as I have. Sharing a cuppa and maybe even a few tears with a friend who knows my heart, as we share each other’s sorrows.

So I find that my life feels “full” in relationships. But there is a BIG difficulty with this.

Connecting honestly with others is not always sweet, loving, pleasant, or fun. “Others,” if we let them close enough, will challenge our conceptions of who we are. They will provoke and unsettle us.

And what follows from this, and is even WORSE; is that it is impossible to connect genuinely with others UNLESS you are willing to honestly connect with yourself.

That is the big challenge.

In my case, being fully present in my OWN life is something which tends to be very difficult. Being fully present as me often means feeling tired, and sometimes depressed. Far too often it means being at my wits’ end with squabbling children. Presently, it involves living a kind of relationship half-life, separated but not yet divorced. My marriage over, but not over – as full closure has not been reached. And there are times when I really do need to “escape”; a movie, a night out with friends, a glass or two of something pleasantly alcoholic.

Escaping in these ways is not in itself a bad thing. We all need respite from real life from time to time. However, it is not possible to live forever in respite. The reality of who we are (perhaps it’s more accurate to say, who we really believe we are – but that’s another discussion) is not something we can escape from.

Living life to the full is not about filling it up with experiences, the way you fill a cup with water. In my case, the cup is cracked, anyway. Our “life” is, moment by moment, who we are in ourselves and in relationship with others. Living it fully involves pain and frailty, as well as joy. It involves honesty about the ugliness and the brokenness. It necessitates moving through grief.

Surprisingly, in honestly facing my own brokenness and that of others, I have discovered not only genuine connection, but an overwhelming sense of life and beauty and joy. Reality is messy. It is often painful. But it is also beautiful. That experience is teaching me not to fear really living my own life “to the full.”

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Questions: Have you ever tried escaping as a way of living? What downsides are there to living this way? How can you be more fully present in your own life (and in the lives of those around you) today?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!


image credit - /\ltus - Flikr Creative Commons

Surprise!

What's this? Two posts in one day? Color me befuddled!

That's right, folks. I'm here for a second time today.

But I'm here to send you away.

So leave! Go away!

Oh, wait, I forgot to tell you where to go.

Check out Kerry's Heady Brew for a guest post I just wrote as a part of a series on rest!

I would've posted about it this morning, but she's in Australia, and time's all... metric, and stuff. So it's morning there now! Check it out!

Win of the Week

It's Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday...

The not-so-official Win of the Week mascot

Just kidding.

We don't do the Rebecca Black around here. Nope. We've got something much better up our sleeves.

Around here, we celebrate because we've been given the gift of another week passed. We celebrate milestones. We celebrate the insignificant, because we find it significant. We're sharing our win of the week.

This week hasn't been very exciting for me. Call it a post-birthday week letdown. Mostly, I've worked on our final Senior Paper, which seems like a big deal, but really isn't. And I suppose I've learned something from the experience, especially this week.

As I've watched people stress and fret over these passages of Scripture we're examining, I've found myself confused. Why are they stressing? What's to fret about? I see people staying hours and hours and hours on end in the library, only to take a stack of books home with them to work on. What's the point? Is that really living?

I've found that, though I'm not organized in most things, I seem to be able to organize my time well and not allow my schoolwork to bleed into my time to work out, eat, sleep, or be with my wife. These are all things that are higher on my priority list than our paper, and for that, I'm grateful.

So I'm calling this my win of the week. I've learned to be disciplined and not to overwork myself, and that's a skill that most people struggle to learn. Sure, we work, work, work. But what about rest? What about play? What about life?

I can only thank God that he's exposed me to an assignment this ridiculous so I can get my priorities straight.

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So what about you? What was your win of the week? Leave a comment that says "My win of the week was..." and it might just get shared on the Life Before the Bucket Facebook or Twitter page!

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

Treasuring the Sabbath

So a few weeks ago, I mentioned the book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker.

You know, the very Jen Hatmaker who is ruining my life.

Yeah, that one.

Well, today I want to continue talking about this book, because it's messed me up (the newest catchphrase at our school).

We started the book with the last chapter, which sounds weird to begin with, but don't worry - it only gets weirder. The chapter we started with was about stress. For the last month, we have been pausing seven times a day for prayer, to remember who we are and whose we are.

Okay, so I sucked at waking up at midnight. Super sucked. So maybe it was more like six times a day.

Now I haven't decided if I'm going to keep pausing now that I'm out of the stress month. Something tells me I might need to, though, because the next month we're doing deals with food.

Here's the thing though: I really like food. And my wife. She's not only beautiful, but she's a great cook too - and I didn't even know that when I married her! Heck, I don't even think she knew it!

But to go an entire month only eating seven foods?

Eek. Necesito mucho... prayer.

Anyway... that's not actually what I'm here to talk about. Sorry for wasting the last 3 minutes of your life.

You see, I love the concept behind this book. We have too much crap. We need more space. Less stuff. More peace.

But as I continue on this journey to revolt against excess, I'm starting to see beyond the less and to the more. Less of me. More of Jesus.

This has most evident to me in our intentional practice of honoring the Sabbath.

I had several excuses before the last month as to why I didn't honor the Sabbath.

Excuse 1: That's Old Testament. Get outta here with that.

Mrs. Hatmaker, in her infinite wisdom, trashed that excuse from the get go with this passage of Scripture. She then proceeded to ruin my second excuse.

Excuse 2: Jesus broke Sabbath all the time. WWJD? Break it!

Makes sense, right? I thought this was an airtight argument until I read this. And then I realized something:

Crud, I'm not the Lord of the Sabbath, like that Jesus guy. Heck, I'm not even Lord of... anything!

And then I was out of excuses.

Enter in the Sabbath - an intentional day of rest. From sundown on Saturday night until sundown on Sunday night, we have rested with purpose, celebrating through Communion and worship with people around us who like Jesus like we do. We even lit candles while we ate and busted out our fancy wine glasses that haven't been touched since our wedding.

And let me tell you - I love me some Sabbath now. However, there is one, itty, bitty, tinsy, winsy thing that I forgot to mention. No working on the Sabbath. None. I don't even read books for school that I enjoy. Instead, if I want to read, I choose something to read for pleasure, for rest.

As a college student (and a working American in general) this complicates things a little. Regardless of how sacred the Sabbath is, Monday still means work. And for us, that still means homework. This hits on something, though, that the Old Testament talks about. You see, the Israelites observed the Sabbath, but in order to rest for 24 hours, they had to work overtime to collect food for the Sabbath.

Yup, you heard me right: the Sabbath actually calls us to work harder.

We're not talking about taking a couple extra hours of overtime during your 5 day workweek, either. 

No, when God commands rest on the 7th day, he implicitly commands something else:

Hard work... for each of the other six days of the week. 

Six. Not five. Not five and a half. Six. That means Saturday. And that means not resting on Saturday, but preparing for Sunday, when true rest can occur. It's been painful, to say the least. Kalyn and I both have huge exegetical papers due at the end of the month, so working on them (along with all of our other homework and housework) for six days is brutal.

But when that Sabbath sunset rolls around... Oh, it's beautiful. It's marvelous. And I wonder why I would ever want to ignore it.

So beyond denying myself, I learned something new this past month: a better work ethic than I ever thought possible. We aren't only called to work a 9-5 for 5 days a week. We're called to work our tails of for six days so that we can rest on the seventh.

Now I realize that the week is just beginning and that it may seem daunting, but won't you try it with me? Take the Sabbath to heart and follow what God instructs and implies.

You'll be surprised - your body will fall into a natural rhythm and it won't really seem that different. In fact, you may find yourself more well rested than you ever were before. Of course, it makes sense when you consider that true rest after doing good work was God's idea in the first place.

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Questions: Have you ever considered taking part in Sabbath rest? What are your thoughts on working hard for six days while taking off the seventh? How would better resting benefit you this week?

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

Doin' the Funk-Face

Lately, I've been feeling a little off. A little funky, if you will.

And no, not the Village People kind of funky, though I have those moods as well. 

No, this kind of funky looks like this hypothetical conversation that I had with my wife:

Me: *funk-face*

Wife: What's up?

Me: Nothing.

Wife: Okay... What's wrong?

Me: *emphasizing the funk-face* Nothing.

Wife: Are you sure? 

Me: Well, no.

Wife: I know what you need. You need to do some dishes. It's therapeutic, you know.

Me: Yeah... right. *extra funky funk-face*

Now, like I said, this actual conversation never happened, but it might as well have. I've just been in a mood these last few days. You know the kind.

I don't want to do anything, but I want to do something.

I'm bored, but if there's something to do, I don't want to do it.

I feel like eating, but I don't want any food.

And the face is undeniable:

So maybe I overemphasized the fish-lips. But you get the point.

When I'm in a funk, I'm restless like a 13 year old who's tasted Mountain Dew for the first time.

Somehow, though, I managed to snap out of the funk today. Which is lucky for you, because this post wouldn't exist, otherwise. I'm not sure what did it, though. It could have been...

Getting a new lens and taking pictures around the house.

My wife's concern over the funk-face.

Getting to see the in-laws and celebrate my birthday a little early.

Really, though, I think it was probably a combination of the three, mixed in with some good, old-fashioned rest. Again, I'm thankful for Jen Hatmaker's book, 7, which is teaching me more about pausing and resting every day, and especially during the Sabbath. But more on that later.

For now, I'm looking to you. 

First of all, what does your Funk-Face look like?

Secondly, how do you manage to snap out of a funk if you're in one?

I'm legitimately asking, because I'm pretty clueless as to how I can snap myself out of these funks when they happen. Of course, maybe listening to a little Village People would do the trick...

Or maybe not.

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If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Rest

I completely forgot to buy more coffee for the morning, so my wonderful wife is grabbing me a cup during her run. Gotta love her!

These past two weeks have been some of the most tiresome of my life. Whether because of illness or simply not being used to school, I've needed to rest every day.

It's so interesting to me how we often associate rest with sleep. I think we really miss something when we do this. If the only resting we achieve happens while we're mostly unconscious, then no true rest actually occurs.

No, resting is much more than sleeping. Resting requires intentionality and purposefulness. If we do not choose to rest, we never will. And as a result, we will often be much less than what we could be.

It's no surprise to me that God commands rest throughout Scripture. He himself rested after all of creation was set into motion. And though I don't fully understand what God's rest means, I know that if he rested in his own personal way after doing work, I need to do the same.

It's so difficult to slow down, though. To stop doing and simply be. And yet that's our school's theme for the year. To be, not do. We need to be at rest from time to time if we ever hope to do anything worthwhile.

And so, because I need to rest, I write for five minutes. No more, no less. Because I need to be deliberate about resting, about enjoying, about being. Being closer to God and becoming closer to the well-rested man that God desires me to be.

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And that, my friends, is my Five Minute Friday, courtesy of The Gypsy Mama.

Question: How do you plan on truly resting this weekend?