First, let's make sure you're willing to take our advice.
After all, we've only been alive for 22 years. Like most people, we weren't really cognizant of the first 4-5 years, though, so we've really only been alive 17. And then, if you average in about 8 hours of sleep a night, we've only been awake for about 11 years.
So basically, you're listening to the advice of an 11 year old.
Still with me? Then I suppose you're truly interested. Keep reading!
Beyond that, we've only been married for about 3 years. And again, we're only 22.
So you're looking for advice from someone who's basically an infant in marriage.
Now that I've discredited myself in every way, are you still with me? Well, then, I suppose you're still genuinely interested in what I have to say.
Our secret isn't a trick or gimmick. It's nothing new or fancy. It's not even particularly difficult. However, it is an everyday event. It does take time, investment, and genuine care. It requires an interest in your partner that is beyond almost any other interest you have. It actually requires you to love them in action, and not just in word.
If you're looking for a quick-fix to your problems, this isn't it. Problems require time and genuine caring and love.
If you're looking for a way to skirt through your life and marriage without any problems, this definitely isn't it. And if that is the case, you have an entirely different set of problems that need addressing by someone more qualified than myself.
If you're looking for a guaranteed way to avoid conflict, this most certainly isn't it. If you want a conflict-free life or marriage, you should be a dog. Dogs don't seem to have much conflict in their lives. Us humans live with other humans and that, by its very nature, causes conflict.
So what is it, you ask? What's our secret to a happy life and a healthy marriage?
Our secret is this:
We keep learning new things every day.
What's that? You're disappointed? No trumpets sounding from heaven?
Well, I hate to break it to you, but life isn't about quick-fixes or easy solutions. There's nothing neat and clean about our "secret." It's not like you can learn one new fact a day and be guaranteed a happy life.
And as for marriage, well, have you ever really thought of this in that regard? I'm sure we've all heard at some point or another to learn something new every day. But how does this apply to marriage?
You see, I've heard it time and time again: people divorcing because the other spouse "changed." They claim that their wife/husband isn't the person they originally married.
Truth be told, none of us are who we were even yesterday. Even physically - our bodies are completely renewed every seven years. So we shouldn't be surprised that our spouses have changed. That's the nature of being a living, breathing human being. That change is inevitable. How we handle it determines how successful our lives and our marriages are.
In regards to life, there are a million different ways you can keep learning. The Internet is an amazing place filled with some amazing (and not-so amazing) knowledge and wisdom. I stumbled on a site recently that can help point you in the right direction. But on the off chance that you're lazy and don't look there, you can simply check out TED Talks. There, you'll find hours and hours and hours of knowledge - all for free!
In regards to marriage, there are also several methods to make sure you keep learning about your spouse. I'll suggest one here that we've recently started doing.
In order to keep learning about your spouse as they change, grow, shift, and mold into an entirely different person, you have to keep learning about them. And in order to learn about them, you need to ask questions and actually have conversations. We've found a unique way to do this:
Step 1 - Find a notebook. Any old notebook will do, as long as it's empty.
Step 2 - Write a question or two for your spouse. Nothing is out of bounds - you're married, for crying out loud!
Step 3 - Answer those questions about yourself. Be honest, open, and thoughtful. Otherwise, you're defeating the purpose of this entire exercise.
Step 4 (this is my favorite) - Hide that sucker. Of course, you should hide it somewhere they can find it, but be creative. I recently hid our notebook in the kitchen cabinet, because my wife loves cooking. But don't cheat and tell them where it is - that's half the fun of this!
Again, this is one of several ideas to keep learning about your partner. But if you intentionally do this, you'll find that you're changing along with your spouse, and you won't be so confused when, 10 years down the road, you're both different people. It's bound to happen. It's up to you whether or not it's going to be a surprise.
Now, like I said earlier, this isn't a quick fix for life or for your marriage. I can't guarantee that this will drastically alter either. However, I think a lot can be said for small changes like this, especially in the fast-paced world we live in today.
If you end up doing this notebook exercise, I'd like to hear from you. How did it go? Where did you hide your notebook? What kind of questions did you ask?
And for the rest of you who aren't married: keep learning about the world you live in. We live in an incredible time where knowledge is readily available and easily accessible. We'd be crazy not to take advantage of it.
We might just find, as we learn, that we'll grow into the people we truly want to become, and the people we become are people the world (and our spouse) truly needs.
... ... ...
Questions: What's the best advice you've ever been given about life or marriage? How do you keep learning? What are some other ways to continue learning about your spouse?
In regards to life, there are a million different ways you can keep learning. The Internet is an amazing place filled with some amazing (and not-so amazing) knowledge and wisdom. I stumbled on a site recently that can help point you in the right direction. But on the off chance that you're lazy and don't look there, you can simply check out TED Talks. There, you'll find hours and hours and hours of knowledge - all for free!
In regards to marriage, there are also several methods to make sure you keep learning about your spouse. I'll suggest one here that we've recently started doing.
In order to keep learning about your spouse as they change, grow, shift, and mold into an entirely different person, you have to keep learning about them. And in order to learn about them, you need to ask questions and actually have conversations. We've found a unique way to do this:
Step 1 - Find a notebook. Any old notebook will do, as long as it's empty.
Step 2 - Write a question or two for your spouse. Nothing is out of bounds - you're married, for crying out loud!
Step 3 - Answer those questions about yourself. Be honest, open, and thoughtful. Otherwise, you're defeating the purpose of this entire exercise.
Step 4 (this is my favorite) - Hide that sucker. Of course, you should hide it somewhere they can find it, but be creative. I recently hid our notebook in the kitchen cabinet, because my wife loves cooking. But don't cheat and tell them where it is - that's half the fun of this!
Again, this is one of several ideas to keep learning about your partner. But if you intentionally do this, you'll find that you're changing along with your spouse, and you won't be so confused when, 10 years down the road, you're both different people. It's bound to happen. It's up to you whether or not it's going to be a surprise.
Now, like I said earlier, this isn't a quick fix for life or for your marriage. I can't guarantee that this will drastically alter either. However, I think a lot can be said for small changes like this, especially in the fast-paced world we live in today.
If you end up doing this notebook exercise, I'd like to hear from you. How did it go? Where did you hide your notebook? What kind of questions did you ask?
And for the rest of you who aren't married: keep learning about the world you live in. We live in an incredible time where knowledge is readily available and easily accessible. We'd be crazy not to take advantage of it.
We might just find, as we learn, that we'll grow into the people we truly want to become, and the people we become are people the world (and our spouse) truly needs.
... ... ...
Questions: What's the best advice you've ever been given about life or marriage? How do you keep learning? What are some other ways to continue learning about your spouse?
Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!
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1 comments:
Billy Graham said once, "never be alone with a woman other than your wife." I've always believed this is very sound advice. When my minister husband believed he was beyond being tempted, he ignored this advice in doing some home repairs for a friend of ours. After 37 years of marriage and 30 years of ministry he 'fell in love with another woman'. However, for my situation - which was devastating for me and my 4 adult children,- almost 2 years after my divorce, God brought a wonderful Christian man into my life. So I've started over and I am very happy.
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