So You Weren't Raptured. What Now?

I stayed up past midnight watching a movie last night, and yet my body still insisted that I wake up before any normal human being is conscious. Lame.

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Well, folks, it's May 21st.

Apparently this is a big day for some people. They get to go to heaven and chill with Jesus. Something along those lines.

The rest of us? We're left to rot away. But hey, at least we get to have their Rapture clothes, right?

Looks like this guy escaped from jail right before he was zapped up.

Introducing a Good Friend

The internet is being just as spastic this morning, but I've got coffee, so take that, spazzy interweb!

We all have a good friend or two that we're proud to know.

Take, for instance, American Idol. This show features everyday people who want to make it big in the music industry. This season features two sixteen year olds as finalists. That's right. At the ripe, young age of 16, they're a step away from their dreams. I'm betting that they have more than a few friends willing to claim them.

And though we can't all have friends who could win American Idol, we do have friends that we take pride in. Because of these friends, our lives are a little easier. Because of these friends, our lives are a little less hectic. Because of these friends, life is a little more enjoyable.

You know the kind of friend I'm talking about.

Well, today I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. This friend definitely makes my life easier. I can't imagine not knowing this friend. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that this friend is a life saver. And best of all, you can know this friend, too!

No, this isn't a cheesy "I'm going to introduce you to Jesus" ploy, though it's tempting.

The friend I want to introduce you today is...

Jesus!

Ha! Just kidding. I mean, he's an epic friend to have, but unfortunately, not the topic of discussion today.

Now for real. The friend I want to introduce you to is...

The Google "Next" button!

Okay, yeah, a little lame. I know, I know.

You can hurl tomatoes at me later. For now, hear me out.

A Smidgen of Regret

The internet I'm using right now is being as spastic as a chihuahua on Red Bull. So I apologize for any weirdness that might happen, including the random change in font for this post. Blame the chihuahua.

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 Have you ever done something and immediately regretted it? 

I know I have.

In fact, it happened here, on this very blog.

I wrote something, posted it, and immediately regretted it.

This wasn't the "Crap, I wrote a hateful post about Justin Bieber and need to apologize because that's what Christians are 'supposed' to do," kind of regret.

Nor was it the, "I don't know why I said the death of Osama bin Laden was a good/bad thing," kind of remorse.

It wasn't even the, "Crud, my wife is eventually going to read this," kind of mistake. And that one happens a lot.

And though I felt the sting of regret after hitting the "Publish" button for what I wrote, I definitely know I needed to share it. But that doesn't make me feel any less embarrassed.

So what is it? Well, if you keep reading, you'll find out.

The Evolution of Failure

So it's 7 AM, and I just learned the word "chronobiology." Since I already learned something new today, can I just skip to tomorrow?

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"Fail" is a funny word. It's one letter away from being something shiny and fun to play with (foil, in case you were wondering) and about 53 letters away from being my all-time favorite meal (steak, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob with a cold can of Pepsi - but you already knew that). 

Oddly enough, this word has been transformed into something almost positive in the last few years. It started as a simple way for a teacher to crush a student's hopes and dreams and has evolved into something of a buzzword that usually describes events that are so ridiculous that they actually aren't failures because they're so stinking funny.

Exhibit A: Failure that's actually failure.

Exhibit B: Funny failure, and therefore, a win, which isn't failure at all.

I fail on a daily basis. This is no surprise, because recent testing has shown that I am indeed 110% human. This leads me to believe that I could have probably created FailBlog, but instead of doing that and becoming filthy rich, I probably decided to take a nap or something. Priorities, people. Needless to say, I failed and created Life Before the Bucket instead. I'll get over it.

A couple of days ago, I failed twice in approximately five minutes. 

I'll let you decide if they were winning fails or failing fails.

If You Love Me, You Will...

Saw a new doctor yesterday. He had a Keurig in his waiting room. Don't care what he charges or what he does - he's a keeper.

Tell me you've never seen this conversation play out before...

Love-Struck Girl: What are you doing tonight?

Clueless Boy: Watching the Royals get creamed by the Indians. Why?

Love-Struck Girl (Who Happens to Be Clueless About Baseball): We should go shopping!

Clueless Boy (Who Clearly Has Plans for the Night): Well, I'm busy. I'm watching the game, remember?

Quickly-Falling-Out-of-Love Girl: C'mon, just this once. I promise.

Not-So-Clueless Boy: Didn't you say that last week?

Definitely-Out-of-Love Girl: But... Well... If you love me, you'll go with me!

Clueless Boy: I... Uh... Well... 

Love-Struck Girl: Great! Pick me up at 7!

Puzzled and Clueless Boy: How DOES she do that?

You know what I'm talking about. Whether it's been with your spouse, your child, or your best friend, you've probably been in this situation before. One of you wants something that the other clearly doesn't care about. In a futile attempt to appeal to their heart, you guilt-trip them and get what you want, knowing that you'll get what's coming to you in the near future.