A Jesus Worth Following: A Conversation About Gender and the Bible

The other day, my wife and I were talking.

We do that sometimes - it's our "secret" to a healthy marriage.

She's currently discussing gender in one of her classes. The stories she tells from the class are about as stereotypical as you can imagine: the girls don't think guys understand them, and all the guys want is for the girls to make them a sandwich. Pretty typical stuff.

They've studied a lot about how they themselves fit into certain stereotypes as well. One day, Kalyn even brought home a questionnaire that she had filled out about herself. The survey looks at your traits and characteristics, and based on how you respond, it rates you as exhibiting either primarily masculine, feminine, or neutral traits.

Oddly enough, my wife didn't score high enough on any of the traits to merit being lumped into one of the three categories. Not sure what that means, but I still like her!

Naturally, I wanted to take the test for myself.

Big mistake.

I took a deep breath, did a couple of neck rolls, cracked my knuckles, and answered away. Kalyn fired off question after question, and after what seemed like forever, she tallied my score.

Lo and behold, I came out on the feminine side. Heavily, in fact.

There was no doubt that many of the traits that I exhibit (and that I'm even proud of) are considered "feminine." Kindness, caring, listening, empathy - these are all traits that I think any of us would like to have, but that are typically categorized under the umbrella of "feminine" traits.

The first thing my mind jumped to was a blog post that Richard Beck wrote a couple of years ago entitled "Thoughts on Mark Driscoll... While I'm Knitting." Here's a tidbit to whet your taste:

I illustrate the gender psychology/education association to my students by asking them the following question: "How many of your male, PhD college professors do you think are hardcore NASCAR fans?" Answer: Very, very few. Personally, I've never seen a NASCAR hat on the head of any male university colleague. I then ask a follow-up question: "How many blue-collar males working in the city are hardcore NASCAR fans?" Answer (note that we are in small town West Texas): A lot.

See the difference?

So Driscoll has a point. Most church leaders are highly educated. This means that most church leaders are culturally divorced from the average NASCAR fan. The very group Driscoll is targeting.

But here is the very important point about all this. A lot of the reaction to Driscoll isn't even about gender. We are actually talking about the little discussed fissure running through many churches: Education.

If you read the article in its entirety, Beck's ideas make sense. Simply put, men who are less educated exhibit more traits that are considered masculine, while those higher up on the education food-chain exhibit feminine traits. I would fall under this latter category on both points.

The second thing my mind wandered to is another class we're currently taking. For the introduction of the class, we were asked to take personality inventories. Since we attend a Christian college, the inventory looked at personality, as well as how we connect to figures in the Bible.

After I took my test, I saw, to little surprise, that the test had associated me with Thomas, the student of Jesus who is famous for "doubting" that he had resurrected. This connection was made to show that I require evidence before making major decisions and that I often don't take people solely on their word. Seemed reasonable to me.

Meanwhile, there are several females in our class, and some of them were associated with the likes of Ruth or Naomi, some of the more prominent women in the Bible.

This led me to another story from Kalyn's class that she recently told me. I'm not sure of the exact conversation that was had, but she told me that she piped up at one point and said, "Women are only allowed to study Esther or Ruth in the Bible." Apparently her professor got a kick out of this (as did I).

All of this got me thinking: is that really true, though? And even if it is, should it be? Should women only study women, while men only study men? What does that say about gender within Christianity? What does that say for men like me, who grade out to be more feminine than masculine? Or women who seem to exhibit more masculine traits than feminine? 

Should we really only be studying those in the Bible who fit the socially constructed notions of our gender?

So far, I'm answering with a resounding "No," simply because I've always enjoyed studying the women of the Bible, and this seems to make sense in light of Beck's thoughts, as well as what the aforementioned gender characteristic survey said about me. Plus, what does that say about women? Can they not study the life of Jesus to become more like him?

Maybe we are wrong in seeking to become "real" men or "real" women. Maybe this conversation shouldn't be about gender at all, but about becoming real people who exhibit both feminine and masculine traits, both of which God exhibits as well.

Sure, God chose to reveal himself as a man (because, according to nature, he had to choose one, the other, or become a eunuch), but does that mean he is a "man's man" or that he has a "man card" which keeps him from exhibiting feminine traits such as empathy, understanding, or care for others?

If that is really the case, that's a Jesus I wouldn't be interested in following. If he is anything like the "real" men that I know, he'd be a jerk, and a class-act jerk at that.

Instead, I choose to follow the Jesus who cares like a woman, is strong like a man, and who values both (and the eunuchs!) equally. I choose to follow a Jesus who is not a true man or a true woman, but is a true person, as fully human as is possible to become. A Jesus who doesn't discriminate, but who encourages the pursuit of true personhood instead of some stereotypical molds that none of us really fit.

That, my friends, is a Jesus worth following.

... ... ...

Questions: What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you find yourself exhibiting more masculine or feminine traits? What does this say about you as a person? Should we only focus on those of the same gender when studying the Bible?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!  

photo credit - kikashi - sxc.hu

On Being (C)overt

Something came up yesterday that really struck me in a way I didn't like.

I tried to shake it. I tried to ignore it. I tried to set it on fire and throw it out the window. It just. wouldn't. go. away.

The worst part was that it was about myself.

If you've been around Life Before the Bucket for any amount of time, you might have noticed that my writing covers a pretty broad range of topics. I enjoy talking about my wife, my marriage, school, God, Christianity, living with chronic illness, adoption, my pet peeves (like captchas and typos), any many, many other things.

Frankly, I love writing about life.

Yesterday, though, I realized something about my writing that I'm not so sure about.

I make no bones about the fact that I'm a Christian. I strive to follow Jesus in his example of love for God and for others, and that belief informs everything I do. My writing is no exception. My beliefs can and do bleed into my words.

Here's the thing, though. When I write, I'm always thinking in some way or another about Scripture. So, for the most part, my writing is inspired by words I've read in the Bible during my short life as a follower of Jesus. However, I'm not writing a blog specifically about the Bible (except to say that I suck at reading it), so I rarely mention in an overt fashion.

What I do want to make clear, though, is that I believe, like one of our professors says, that "All truth is God's truth." So when I write, I hope that my words communicate that truth clearly without beating you over your proverbial (or literal) head with Bible verses.

Is this okay? I'm not sure.

Would you prefer a more overt approach to Scripture from me? Or do you enjoy this more subtle style that I've chosen to employ thus far in my writing journey?

I think I know where I stand with this, but I wanted to hear from you, whoever you are, to gauge your thoughts.

What you think about this is important and means a lot to me. If you could take a moment to leave a comment with your thoughts, I would be greatly appreciative.

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd also appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

It Really Doesn't Matter

I wrote this post at the beginning of last semester. Since I just began my last semester of undergraduate study, I thought it would be fitting to repost it as a reminder to myself of what truly matters as I study. Enjoy!


One of the most interesting aspects of my life is something I rarely blog about: attending a Christian college.

Our school is very, very small - it averages about 330 students each year, which is less than my graduating class in high school. Having been in public school my entire life, it's a different environment for me. Everyone around here is either from some farm-town in Western Kansas, was home-schooled, or lives in areas of their hometown that I can't even afford to think about.

It's a weird dynamic to experience for four years.

I've been reluctant to write about MCC (Manhattan Christian College) for many reasons.

First of all, it really just isn't that interesting to me. There's a lot more to life than school. And although I'm pretty "good" at school, it doesn't top out my priority list.

Mostly, though, I haven't written about my school because I'm scared to hear from people who are hyper-apologists of sorts for our micro-community. Truth be told, there are people that don't want a negative word to leak concerning the school, for fear of losing something (though I'm not really sure what).

I'm still not really here to write about the negatives of my school, either. Maybe later. Much later. As in when I'm in graduate school later. But for now, I just want to share something interesting with you that I discovered last night:

All that I've learned at this Christian college is that I don't care about most of the stuff we have to learn about to get our Bible degree.

Now granted, that's a pretty sweeping statement, so allow me to narrow it down for you with a story.

Last night, we had a friend over who stops by on occasion - we love having her over. After dinner was done sinking to the bottom of our stomachs, she started talking with my wife about the Bible and about not knowing a lot of stuff about it.

My wife, being the genius that she is, told her that Bible college is good to help with that, and gave her the example of different views of Creation. She rattled off the basics of Young-Earth Creationism, Old-Earth Creationism, and the Literary Framework viewpoint. I was impressed with how well Kalyn articulated each view, but then our friend asked us where we stood on the issue.

After thousands of dollars, a dozen Bible classes, and three years of college, this is our shared view on that specific matter. You might want to get your pencils out to take notes, because it's a doozy. Here it is:

It really doesn't matter.

Say whaaaaaaaaaat?!

Okay, okay, back up. Hold up. Pause. Stop, collaborate, and listen (okay, maybe that's a little too far).

In three years of debates, struggles, studies, and "building relationships" (because that's what MCC is "all about"), that is our conclusion about most things that people bring up about Christianity and the Bible.

It really doesn't matter.

I'm just going to go on record as saying that we paid entirely too much money for such a simple answer.

I mean, maybe we've failed as Christian college students, but something tells me we haven't. You see, there's a lot of reasoning behind our conclusion. I won't bore you with the details (unless you e-mail me and ask, in which case, I'd be glad to!), but suffice it to say, there's one main reason that brings me to the conclusion I'm at with this stuff:

If it does not help me to love people more, it really does not matter.

The end. Period. That's my bottom-line. I came to MCC for a number of reasons, but I'm leaving with only one: love. Not knowledge. Not because of my degree. Not to use the skills I've learned. I'm leaving in a year because I want to love people that I don't know. I want to love people that I don't understand. I want to love people that disagree with me.

And I don't just mean a "I have to love them, not like them" sort of attitude. I really want to love people. God's equipped me especially for that, and it's what I want to do.

Arguing about Creationism? Well, unless you're pretty creative, there are very few ways that you can love someone through that.

So for now, I let the arguments rest. Chances are, when we're all dead and gone and chatting up God, we'll find out we were completely wrong about almost everything, anyway. And at that point, I don't think I'll care, so why should I now?

... ... ...

Question: What is something that you struggle with that keeps you from loving others?


If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

A Smidgen of Regret

The internet I'm using right now is being as spastic as a chihuahua on Red Bull. So I apologize for any weirdness that might happen, including the random change in font for this post. Blame the chihuahua.

_____________________________________________________________________________

 Have you ever done something and immediately regretted it? 

I know I have.

In fact, it happened here, on this very blog.

I wrote something, posted it, and immediately regretted it.

This wasn't the "Crap, I wrote a hateful post about Justin Bieber and need to apologize because that's what Christians are 'supposed' to do," kind of regret.

Nor was it the, "I don't know why I said the death of Osama bin Laden was a good/bad thing," kind of remorse.

It wasn't even the, "Crud, my wife is eventually going to read this," kind of mistake. And that one happens a lot.

And though I felt the sting of regret after hitting the "Publish" button for what I wrote, I definitely know I needed to share it. But that doesn't make me feel any less embarrassed.

So what is it? Well, if you keep reading, you'll find out.

I'm a Terrible Christian

I'm sorry, but there's no way in a million lifetimes that I can follow up yesterday's blog post. Did you miss it? Check it out here. And if you were wondering, I DID surprise Kalyn.

A Quick Note: I'm pretty sure today's post was partially inspired by something I read yesterday from Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary. She's funny, honest, and has a much cooler blog than my own. You can (and should) check it out here. Do it.

____________________________________________________________

I'm going to jump right in. I've been thinking all morning of a way to sugarcoat this, and it just ain't happening. So here's the scoop: I suck, suck, suck at being a Christian. This becomes more evident to me every day that I live, and especially every day that I attend a Christian college. Here's my (mostly satirical, somewhat serious) reasoning for the conclusion I've drawn:

1. I was not born in a pew, which I hear is major qualification #1 for being a radical Christian. Heck, I don't remember seeing a church until I was 10, and even then, I just went there to play games.
2. I sang a song about David and Goliath around that same age for some choir thing in school. As I sang, I always secretly wished that Goliath had won so that I could be one of his descendants and be at least 10 feet tall.
3. I attend a Christian college now, but until my junior year of high school (I would've been about 17 for anyone counting), I didn't know such a thing existed. And at the ripe, young age of 21, I'm still not really sure what a "Christian college" is. Forgive me, MCC. Forgive me.

Tough stuff, eh? I mean, really, I'll need to probably work the rest of my life to right these wrongs. And that's only the tip of the iceberg. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of my "real" failures at being a Christian. I suppose, though, that I should give you a little insight into just how unqualified I am. And when I say this, I'm being completely and totally honest. Cross my fingers, hope to die, and all that bizarre stuff we said as children when we really meant something...

A Snippet from School: Trying to be the best student that I can be

As this itch to blog persists, I have decided to scratch it.

Yesterday, I went to school and was, for the most part, sick. I had some nasty chills and a killer headache. However, because I worked my bottom off to finish a project/paper the night before and because we had Greek homework and a quiz (which I was destined to bomb), I decided it was in my best interest to ignore my body and go anyway. I didn't expect to learn much in my zombie-like state, but this is where God surprised me...