So You Weren't Raptured. What Now?

I stayed up past midnight watching a movie last night, and yet my body still insisted that I wake up before any normal human being is conscious. Lame.

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Well, folks, it's May 21st.

Apparently this is a big day for some people. They get to go to heaven and chill with Jesus. Something along those lines.

The rest of us? We're left to rot away. But hey, at least we get to have their Rapture clothes, right?

Looks like this guy escaped from jail right before he was zapped up.

Now obviously, if you're reading this, you're one of the unlucky few that were forgotten, missed, or just scared of spontaneous combustion. You're left here to live, post-Rapture. So what should you do?

Step 1: The first step to any good post-Rapture life is looting. But if you're not into that, I guess you'll actually have to rely on your neighbors for help. I mean, if you trust them. After all, they weren't raptured, either...

Step 2: Figure out who's missing, because you don't want to stand in line for 3 hours to see a Justin Bieber concert if Jesus decided to make him disappear (which may not be entirely bad... just kidding!). At least there's always Never Say Never, unless God decided to make that disappear, too...

Step 3: You'll need some food. For some reason, it seems that when a rapture occurs, food suddenly becomes a hot commodity, even though there's less people and the same amount of food that there was before. But seriously. You might want to consider getting a Sam's Club membership ASAP and get on it before your unraptured neighbor buys up all the toilet paper.

Step 4: Figure out why you weren't raptured. Did you lie to your mom yesterday? Steal a candy bar? Use a water cup at McDonald's to get soda? Fess up and straighten up - you never know when Jesus might decide that he's tired of the first round of rapturees and come back for more.

Step 5: Enjoy life. Because apparently, you were left here to do just that.

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What did you think of this whole May 21st rapture business? Did you hold out a little hope for it to be true? Why do you think so many people are so eager to be taken away? 

 

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