If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em. If You Can't Join 'Em...

Confession time.

I have a problem.

I'm not sure what's caused it or why it happens, but it most certainly does plague me. 

And admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? Who even decided that?

What? Oh, my confession? Here it is: 

I struggle to fit in.

I'm not sure what it is. 

Maybe it's my ears. When I was in elementary school, kids told me I had ears like Dumbo. And considering they were the same size then as they are now, they were probably right.

Or maybe... it's my hairy, sasquatch-like legs. The fact I can wear shorts in winter because, hey, it's like I'm wearing pants anyway, weirds some people out. Especially since they've been like this since the 6th grade.

Or it could be my diseases. After all, not everyone can say they do the Pledge of Allegiance backwards, or they have a tube in their head, or they get to use oxygen when they sleep. 

Or... is it possible? Could it be... 

My beard? Maybe its awesomeness alienates others...

Nah. Couldn't be. Moving right along, then.

So I'm not really sure what it is about me, but since I was a kid, I've struggled to fit in. I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in, and I've never truly been comfortable in that position.

When you're young, you often hear the phrase, "If you can't beat them, join them!" Well, what people never understood is I never wanted to beat them. I never even tried. Instead, I usually just skipped to the joining part, because it seemed like the nice thing to do. I've always been considerate in that way (and endearing, no?). 

But the problem is, nobody has ever let me in the group. It's like there's a secret handshake and it's impossible to perfect. Or there's a password at the doorway I just can't seem to crack. There's definitely something I'm missing.

This is about how I've felt through college.

This problem has plagued me from elementary school until today. Even in these past four years of college, I've done what I can to "fit in," only to quickly discover that the "in" thing to do these days is not fit in. Seriously, life is trying to stop me at all costs.

And I've even experienced this in blogging. Now, granted, it might just be because I'm a shoddy writer, but I'm told repeatedly by sources I trust (read: my wife) that I'm a gifted writer. And I enjoy writing quite a bit, so it's not like I'm a grump about it. 

It's like, somehow, people from my "real" life have invaded my "virtual" life and whispered to everyone, "Don't let him in!" It's maddening, to tell you the truth.

But alas, life goes on. I still have to wake up, write, click the publish button, and hope someone decides to share in the mini-party going on here. Whether I'm "in" or not, I keep plugging away. And why? Well, let me tell you a little something (because I'm not one to keep secrets, like those kids from middle school):

It doesn't matter if you fit in. That should never be your goal.

And when I think others might think I'm crazy for what I'm writing, I look to the life of this one guy to see what it shows. You see, I think Jesus lived life exactly right, and I'd like to emulate him as best I can. So when I see that he, too, was excluded and rejected by peers, I'm comforted. 

"But then what?" I think. "How did he cope with that? He was human after all," I wonder. And then the light bulb clicks.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And if you can't join 'em, join someone else.

Duh, Adrian. Duh, duh, duh.

Jesus was rejected and despised by men, so instead, he joined God. Well-played, Jesus. I see how that worked out for you.

This dawned on me last week, as I was fighting a nasty urge to unsubscribe from every blogger ever and abandon all hope in this blogging world. (Sometimes, I have a flair for the dramatic.)

As I was having my mini-meltdown, I read something someone recently said:

"Your blog looks like a great community,"

and then the aforementioned light bulb clicked.

Duh, Adrian. Duh, duh, duh.

If I can't "fit in" to the communities of others with my big ears, hairy legs, weird diseases, and awesome beard, then maybe I should stop trying and start valuing the community I'm already in.

And if push comes to shove, I'd have to admit, I do greatly value each and every one of you who reads, comments, e-mails, and shares with me on a regular basis. I know what we have here isn't much, and it isn't even necessarily an "official" community. 

But it is what it is. And the larger it grows, the closer I feel to you all. I'm not one to exclude others, because I sincerely believe goodness exists inside us all, and such goodness cannot be ignored. So I want this community to keep growing, shifting, shaping, changing. It may be painful at times, but it's worthwhile.

So consider this an elaborate "Thank You" to you, my fair reader. I don't care if this is the first post you've ever read at Life Before the Bucket, or even if this is the last post you ever read here. I genuinely care about you, your life, and helping you to live it to the fullest. 

I hope you see this community as one which is open and welcoming to you, whoever you are, from wherever you reside, no matter what shape you're in. Because, hey, you can't be much weirder than me!

If you just happen to be stopping by for the first time, but you'd like to keep sharing in what goes on around here, check out the Updates page, and find a way to follow that works for you. And if you're feeling particularly risky today, consider leaving a comment. I like to think of comments as investments. You leave one because you expect to get something in return, and I can promise you'll get exactly that around here.

Thanks again for reading, whoever you are, wherever you are. You are important. You are loved. And you do "fit in" somewhere (at the very least, you'll fit in here!), because you are worthy of being cared about.

... ... ...

Questions: Have you ever struggled to fit in somewhere? Do you have any oddities which keep you from fitting in? How important is fitting in to you? Do you enjoy the community at Life Before the Bucket?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

image credit - zumbari - sxc.hu

Win of the Week

Ugh.

It has been a nasty, downright sick week for me. I've been sick since Wednesday - I had some sort of reaction to a new medicine I'm taking. I'm still recovering and not feeling fully conscious two days later.

Even the worst sickness couldn't stop me from celebrating, though. After all, it's Friday! And around here (and most everywhere in the world that has a 5 day work week), Friday is a cause for celebration. No matter how rough (or how good) our week has been, we reflect. We think back. And then we share.

My friends, it's time for a nice, virtual pat on the back. This is your chance to share your Win of the Week!

Personally, it's difficult for me to pick out a particular win this week, especially with being sick and rather helpless for the last 48 hours. But that doesn't mean there wasn't a "good" part of this week!

My Win of the Week would have to be... Getting some new guest posts for our "Living to the Fullest" guest post series! I was worried for a second that the series was going to come to a screeching halt, but alas, you saved the day by stepping forward and contributing! Thanks SO much to those who continue to help make the series possible.

And if still want to help by contributing, but aren't sure what that entails, check our the original "Living to the Fullest" post for details. I would love to hear any ideas you have for a post! I'm just a quick e-mail away!

So, although it's been a pretty lame week, that's my Win of the Week!

What about you? What was your Win of the Week?

Who Are You?

I've got a question for you:

Do you like questions?

If you don't, I apologize for asking. 

If you do, then this is the blog post for you!

Here's the dealio, yo: I really want to get to know you. I want an idea of who my faithful Bucketeers are and what they're like. Right now, I sort of feel like I've been shoved on a stage that is illuminated by blinding lights, and I don't recognize a single person in the crowd. It's kind of sad, really.

In order to get to know you a little better, I just have a few questions for you. And because I would never ask you to do something I wouldn't, I'll answer them for you as well.

Editor's note: This is the second time I've done this, but I promise the questions are different this time!

1) Imagine this: You won the Mega Millions jackpot of $500,000,000 dollars. What's your first move? Personally, I would pay off my mom's (and in-laws'!) houses; they've given us so much - it would be silly not to give back to them.

2) Looking back, what has been the highlight of 2012 for you so far? Personally, this is a toss-up. It's a tie between getting accepted into the Master's Program I applied for and finding a place to live after this school year for dirt cheap (about $150/month cheaper than any apartment we could find!). 

3) Looking forward, what do you hope will be the highlight of the remainder of the year? This is a toughie. When I think about the future, I see a lot of possibility. I could start writing a book, I could get my lungs into better shape, we could start looking into starting the adoption process... The possibilities are endless. 

4) If you had to choose one "guilty pleasure" song to listen to on repeat today, what would it be? Personally, I love the song Kyrie. There's a million different versions of it, so I guess I'd have to choose the version from The Sing-Off, season 2, as performed by On the Rocks.

5) Do you follow Life Before the Bucket? How long have you been following? What's your favorite part about it? Any improvements that could be made? This doesn't apply to me so much, but if I could make an improvement, it would definitely be the layout. Ever since my template broke a couple of weeks ago, The Bucket has been nothing but dreary, drab grey. So if you have a "template guy," give me his name!

6) This is your free-for-all question. Tell me anything else you want me to know about here. Well, the reason I'm doing this post today is because I'm all kinds of sick this morning. It is no good. So there's something you didn't know about me!

I'd LOVE to hear from you. I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you look like, or whether you've showered this week. I want to get to know you! Whether this is your 100th time visiting or your 1st, whether you comment regularly or not - you are important to me.

So let me hear about who you are! Feel free to add/take away from any questions here - after all, I can't force you to answer each question. Take as little or as much time as you need. I'll be anticipating getting to know each of you a little better! I can't wait!

Don't let this blog post be in vain! I want to hear from you now, more than ever, so I can get to know you! Leave me a long, juicy comment telling me about yourself, or if you prefer, e-mail me! Either way, let me know about who you are!

This was *sort of* a repost from September, 2011.

Living to the Fullest: Can a Worn-Out Mum Do it?

Note from Adrian: Today's post comes from a great blogging friend of mine: Kerry Miller-Whalen. Kerry is a somewhat eccentric Australian mum and primary school teacher, living in the Southern Highlands of NSW. Her passions are her kids, writing, pets, organic gardening, and home renovations (you should see her plasterwork!).

You can follow Kerry on her blog and connect with her on Facebook - she always loves a good conversation! 

(Want to write a guest post for Life Before the Bucket?)

... ... 

For most of us, I suspect the phrase “living life to the full” conjures up images of active, laughing young people, all healthy and attractive, of course, and possibly participating in some kind of water sport…

Alright, I think the image I have in my mind right now came straight from a Coca-Cola ad.

As appealing as those laughing, perfect images may be, they certainly don’t represent my life. In my case, I’m forty-something (pushing fifty-something). I don’t look good in a bikini. Although I like to be active, I’m not as healthy as I used to be. A few years back I suffered a serious emotional and physical burnout – the result of pushing myself too hard for too long, in too many areas. I am recovering, but still easily fatigued. There is a definite limit to how much “full living” I can pack into each day.

Living my life to the full does not usually involve water sports, extreme experiences, or great “highs.” Not that I never have fun; I am naturally extroverted, so sometimes I do crazy stuff with my kids and with my friends, and sometimes there are parties and fun times. But not all the time. In fact, not even usually. Too much of that stuff and I get wayyy too tired. Usually, things are pretty quiet and mundane.

And I think I’ve finally learned something. Going from one big experience to another, whether it be partying, climbing Everest (not that I’ve ever done such a thing), or the buzz of a challenging work project, can leave you feeling empty and lost between-times. You can run away from those empty spaces, by immersing yourself in more experiences – but that’s escaping; not living.

And it turns out the times when my life feels the “fullest” are not the “big experiences”, at all. It turns out they are the times I am truly present with the people I love. Enjoying a bit of leisure time with my extended family, and just... driving with my kids. Enjoying music, Sharing my hopes and dreams. Genuinely connecting with someone in the blogosphere who’s been asking the same questions as I have. Sharing a cuppa and maybe even a few tears with a friend who knows my heart, as we share each other’s sorrows.

So I find that my life feels “full” in relationships. But there is a BIG difficulty with this.

Connecting honestly with others is not always sweet, loving, pleasant, or fun. “Others,” if we let them close enough, will challenge our conceptions of who we are. They will provoke and unsettle us.

And what follows from this, and is even WORSE; is that it is impossible to connect genuinely with others UNLESS you are willing to honestly connect with yourself.

That is the big challenge.

In my case, being fully present in my OWN life is something which tends to be very difficult. Being fully present as me often means feeling tired, and sometimes depressed. Far too often it means being at my wits’ end with squabbling children. Presently, it involves living a kind of relationship half-life, separated but not yet divorced. My marriage over, but not over – as full closure has not been reached. And there are times when I really do need to “escape”; a movie, a night out with friends, a glass or two of something pleasantly alcoholic.

Escaping in these ways is not in itself a bad thing. We all need respite from real life from time to time. However, it is not possible to live forever in respite. The reality of who we are (perhaps it’s more accurate to say, who we really believe we are – but that’s another discussion) is not something we can escape from.

Living life to the full is not about filling it up with experiences, the way you fill a cup with water. In my case, the cup is cracked, anyway. Our “life” is, moment by moment, who we are in ourselves and in relationship with others. Living it fully involves pain and frailty, as well as joy. It involves honesty about the ugliness and the brokenness. It necessitates moving through grief.

Surprisingly, in honestly facing my own brokenness and that of others, I have discovered not only genuine connection, but an overwhelming sense of life and beauty and joy. Reality is messy. It is often painful. But it is also beautiful. That experience is teaching me not to fear really living my own life “to the full.”

... ... ...

Questions: Have you ever tried escaping as a way of living? What downsides are there to living this way? How can you be more fully present in your own life (and in the lives of those around you) today?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way!


image credit - /\ltus - Flikr Creative Commons

Remembering the Story

It's Monday. But let's not forget, even today, what we so exuberantly celebrated on Sunday.   

As we drove to the church yesterday, colors were a bit more vibrant - the grass greener, the sky bluer. Everything seemed to be teeming with livelihood as we headed to celebrate the cornerstone of our faith: resurrection.

And how absurd it sounds - worshiping a man who was flogged, hung, and left for dead. They rid him of life, and ashamed, buried him, so that they might forget. So that they might hide the man who had duped them. "The Anointed One?" they thought silently to themselves as they trudged along the road, away from the scene: "What a joke. How did I ever fall for that one?"

Sullen and stricken, those left alive endured the pain of their souls crucified. Not for resurrection - that would be absurd. Instead, they waited, hopelessly. To be let down from their tree. To be released from their stripes. For the pain to subside. For the hurting to heal. For the brokenness to be mended. But by what? Their only hope was dead.

But then, something happened. There weren't any trumpets. No grandstanding angels to announce the incredulous. Simply a stone rolled away and some linens neatly folded. A man, who by all appearances seemed to be a gardener, waiting outside. And as they visited his grave, they faced their biggest fear: that this was the end. That their lives with him were over. And that they, most likely, would be next.

Little did they know, their day would only get worse. They arrive to grieve, to commemorate, to remember. And who among us has never celebrated a life passed, even through our tears? But to arrive to the grave of our beloved, only to find it vandalized and the body removed - life would be kicking us while we're down. And how unfair it is, really. As if God exists. The least he could do is preserve the body, since apparently he's unable to retain the soul.

At least the gardener is kind, though. His voice is soothing - familiar, even. Maybe he whispers a genuine, "I'm sorry," with a sly grin on his face. He comforts their hearts, as he's done all along. He stills their souls, if only for a second.

And then... oh, then. Then, for a glorious moment, they look up. They catch his eye. And his grin - that all too familiar grin. Of course, this is death toying with them. His body is stolen, his soul departed. "We're seeing what we want to see," they think as they look down again to the empty tomb.

Until suddenly, it dawns on them. And the color of the morning comes rushing in as they look up at the man, flabbergasted. Their minds race while their hearts stop. The gardener, who has been there all along, whispers, "Mary," and she knows. She runs to him, arms open wide, weeping with every last bit of breath within her. As she gasps for air through her sobs, words escape her.

And just like old times, in storms of yesteryear, he whispers, "Have peace and be still, my friends," as the tempest of death subsides and the rushing wind of love floods their souls.

... ... ...

Questions: How did you celebrate Easter this weekend? And if you believe in Jesus' resurrection, how do you plan on continuing to celebrate this week?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

image credit - osmar01, sxc.hu