Leap Day

Another heads up: We still want you to write a guest post for us!  Check out this post for more information and then shoot me an e-mail with your ideas!

So I hear today is Leap Day.

Are you doing anything special to celebrate the "extra" 24 hours?

Or will today be like every other Leap Day you've experienced, sentenced to mediocrity and forgetfulness?

I, for one, want today to be unforgettable. After all, it's not every day that you get an "extra" day to live.

Of course, we all know that today isn't really a bonus day of our lives at all. Leap Day doesn't magically give us an extra 24 hours every 4 years to add to our lives. It's always been there - we just haven't taken advantage of it.

But let's imagine for just a moment...

What if we were given an extra day to live?

Would you spend your extra day partying?

Let's say that God (or science, or whatever) tells us exactly the number the days we have left to live. And the source telling us this is correct 100% of the time. But then... surprise! You get an extra day tacked on the end!

That would be a great feeling, wouldn't it? To know you get an extra 24 hours to enjoy all that you'll miss when you're time is up. What a reward!

So here's my question for you: what would you do with your extra day? 

If you were really given an extra day to live (and not just a fake one, like Leap Day), how would you spend it?

Would you... test drive your favorite car? Loot your favorite store? Fly to a resort to enjoy your last day?

Or would you spend time with your family? Reconcile a broken relationship? Confess your unspoken love for someone?

You're free as a bird - but with one stipulation. Unlike most exercises similar to this one, money is an object. You'd have as much as you'd expect yourself to have made by the end of your life.

Feel free to be creative and think outside of the box on this one. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

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Questions: If you were given 24 extra hours to live, how would you spend it and why? Why would you choose that way over another?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

Living to the Fullest: Can a Single Mom do it?

Note from Adrian: This week's guest post is from one of my internet friends named Kateri. She's a 27 year old single mother living in New York. She writes often about her life as she experience it at her blog, which you should subscribe to. Be sure to read this post and leave her some epic feedback in the form of a comment!

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When I start writing, I try to really make sure I understand what it is I am typing about. So, yeah, I Google’d the topic. Do you know how much phony bologna websites there is about “Living Life to the Fullest” or “Living an Abundant Life”?

There are TOO MANY.

So, now that I have sworn off being correctly informed on the topic… what shall I do?

There was a time that I didn’t live at all. Not to say that I didn’t wake up and go through the motions. I did those things – eat, shower (mostly), and sleep. However, that was not living; it was existing.

I feel that on the whole, our society exists. We wake up, we go to work (or don’t go to work), we come home, we eat, and then we go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. Yup, I once existed, with no drive to be more, and no conviction to try for better.

Then, I had my son. Now, for some people, children are the joy of their lives: it’s a feeling only expressed because society tells them to. When I had my son, I literally saw a light. I wasn’t supposed to, you see. I was supposed to be very lucid after giving birth. I lost a little too much blood, and being anemic, I passed out. I saw the light while passing out.

However, when I woke up, there was Emry, in all of his awesomeness. And now that I was aware, I knew everything had to change.

There was no more waking up whenever I felt like it.

There was no more working when I felt like it.

No more unsavory people, situations, or behaviors that I had become accustomed to, that I had grown to secretly hate, but would never say such because I was too far gone.

Looking at him, there was no choice. I had to live. I had to push forward and see that there was more to life, more than just the motions.

I call that Day 1.

Since then, I have strived to better myself (and Emry) by truly becoming an adult. I got me some edjucation. Hahaha – I know you all would get my joke. But, seriously, I found something I was good at, and I went to school for it. I got a degree and then… I didn’t use it. Turns out that what I was good at wouldn’t pay the bills. Wouldn’t support my son and I.

(Yes, I was married during this time, but we weren’t happy, and my change of direction made things worse. Not the reason for this post, so let’s just say… It’s always been my kid and me on this journey.)

Now, the feelings of defeat were starting to set in, and I really thought that I would never get anywhere.

Soon, though, another light appeared. That light’s name is Melissa. Melissa is undoubtedly my best friend and is the one of the purest people I have ever met. She gave me a lifeline. She told me about the position I now work at.

I work in the field of healthcare, and positions of worth are few and far between. However, this one was a perfect fit. I got in, even though I was sure they hated me, and have been working here for the past 1 ½ years. It’s a Christian-based organization, so really, how could they hate me? But, you find hate, or fear, in any organization.

After the 3 years of hard work, studying, defeat, and the almost loss of motivation, I had taken another step in the right direction.

Sounds quirky, right? Sounds Lifetime movie-esque?

Well, it’s the truth. Plain and simple. It all ties together, though.

To live life to its fullest, you must make positive steps in your growth as a person. Whether it is through your faith or other belief systems, you need to make a plan and stick with it. The plan can be modified, as long as you keep pushing.

Never compromise your values to get what you want. Good things come in time to those who deserve them.

You do not want to live the life you want based on the fact you schemed, or acted duplicitously. It wouldn’t truly satisfy you when you did get it. It would never be truly earned.

Living honestly and truly – that’s living life to the fullest.

... ... ...

Questions: Do you know any single parents? How do they make time to live life to the fullest? If you were in the same situation, how would you strive to life more fully?

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way.

A Jesus Worth Following: A Conversation About Gender and the Bible

The other day, my wife and I were talking.

We do that sometimes - it's our "secret" to a healthy marriage.

She's currently discussing gender in one of her classes. The stories she tells from the class are about as stereotypical as you can imagine: the girls don't think guys understand them, and all the guys want is for the girls to make them a sandwich. Pretty typical stuff.

They've studied a lot about how they themselves fit into certain stereotypes as well. One day, Kalyn even brought home a questionnaire that she had filled out about herself. The survey looks at your traits and characteristics, and based on how you respond, it rates you as exhibiting either primarily masculine, feminine, or neutral traits.

Oddly enough, my wife didn't score high enough on any of the traits to merit being lumped into one of the three categories. Not sure what that means, but I still like her!

Naturally, I wanted to take the test for myself.

Big mistake.

I took a deep breath, did a couple of neck rolls, cracked my knuckles, and answered away. Kalyn fired off question after question, and after what seemed like forever, she tallied my score.

Lo and behold, I came out on the feminine side. Heavily, in fact.

There was no doubt that many of the traits that I exhibit (and that I'm even proud of) are considered "feminine." Kindness, caring, listening, empathy - these are all traits that I think any of us would like to have, but that are typically categorized under the umbrella of "feminine" traits.

The first thing my mind jumped to was a blog post that Richard Beck wrote a couple of years ago entitled "Thoughts on Mark Driscoll... While I'm Knitting." Here's a tidbit to whet your taste:

I illustrate the gender psychology/education association to my students by asking them the following question: "How many of your male, PhD college professors do you think are hardcore NASCAR fans?" Answer: Very, very few. Personally, I've never seen a NASCAR hat on the head of any male university colleague. I then ask a follow-up question: "How many blue-collar males working in the city are hardcore NASCAR fans?" Answer (note that we are in small town West Texas): A lot.

See the difference?

So Driscoll has a point. Most church leaders are highly educated. This means that most church leaders are culturally divorced from the average NASCAR fan. The very group Driscoll is targeting.

But here is the very important point about all this. A lot of the reaction to Driscoll isn't even about gender. We are actually talking about the little discussed fissure running through many churches: Education.

If you read the article in its entirety, Beck's ideas make sense. Simply put, men who are less educated exhibit more traits that are considered masculine, while those higher up on the education food-chain exhibit feminine traits. I would fall under this latter category on both points.

The second thing my mind wandered to is another class we're currently taking. For the introduction of the class, we were asked to take personality inventories. Since we attend a Christian college, the inventory looked at personality, as well as how we connect to figures in the Bible.

After I took my test, I saw, to little surprise, that the test had associated me with Thomas, the student of Jesus who is famous for "doubting" that he had resurrected. This connection was made to show that I require evidence before making major decisions and that I often don't take people solely on their word. Seemed reasonable to me.

Meanwhile, there are several females in our class, and some of them were associated with the likes of Ruth or Naomi, some of the more prominent women in the Bible.

This led me to another story from Kalyn's class that she recently told me. I'm not sure of the exact conversation that was had, but she told me that she piped up at one point and said, "Women are only allowed to study Esther or Ruth in the Bible." Apparently her professor got a kick out of this (as did I).

All of this got me thinking: is that really true, though? And even if it is, should it be? Should women only study women, while men only study men? What does that say about gender within Christianity? What does that say for men like me, who grade out to be more feminine than masculine? Or women who seem to exhibit more masculine traits than feminine? 

Should we really only be studying those in the Bible who fit the socially constructed notions of our gender?

So far, I'm answering with a resounding "No," simply because I've always enjoyed studying the women of the Bible, and this seems to make sense in light of Beck's thoughts, as well as what the aforementioned gender characteristic survey said about me. Plus, what does that say about women? Can they not study the life of Jesus to become more like him?

Maybe we are wrong in seeking to become "real" men or "real" women. Maybe this conversation shouldn't be about gender at all, but about becoming real people who exhibit both feminine and masculine traits, both of which God exhibits as well.

Sure, God chose to reveal himself as a man (because, according to nature, he had to choose one, the other, or become a eunuch), but does that mean he is a "man's man" or that he has a "man card" which keeps him from exhibiting feminine traits such as empathy, understanding, or care for others?

If that is really the case, that's a Jesus I wouldn't be interested in following. If he is anything like the "real" men that I know, he'd be a jerk, and a class-act jerk at that.

Instead, I choose to follow the Jesus who cares like a woman, is strong like a man, and who values both (and the eunuchs!) equally. I choose to follow a Jesus who is not a true man or a true woman, but is a true person, as fully human as is possible to become. A Jesus who doesn't discriminate, but who encourages the pursuit of true personhood instead of some stereotypical molds that none of us really fit.

That, my friends, is a Jesus worth following.

... ... ...

Questions: What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you find yourself exhibiting more masculine or feminine traits? What does this say about you as a person? Should we only focus on those of the same gender when studying the Bible?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!  

photo credit - kikashi - sxc.hu

Win of the Week

Not-so-surprising announcement: We're still looking for guest post submissions! Just check out this post on Living to the Fullest and then send me an e-mail with your guest post idea!

Whew. It's been one of those weeks.

It feels like Monday through Thursday sucker-punched me in the gut.

But it's Friday, so I'm almost done with the fight. And so are you. Congratulations, my friends.

Here, we champion our weeks, no matter how rough they were. We look on the bright side, even if it doesn't seem bright at all.

We share together, as friends, each Win of the Week that we have had.

This week, like I said, has been a doozy. I reached an entirely new level of tired, but thankfully, my medicine finally came in. It tastes like soap (as always) and takes entirely to long to use (20+ minutes twice a day), but it's more than worthwhile.

Soon enough, I'll have energy again, and the monster that is our dishes will be slain.

So that, my friends, is my Win of the Week.

Also, Bonus Win: printing my 45 page paper (a week after I finished it). It was more stressful than you'd think it would be...

So what about you? What was your Win of the Week? Share with us in the comments section of this post!

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!  

A Winning Answer

Did I mention that we're looking for guest post submissions? Because we are. Just check out this post on Living to the Fullest and then send me an e-mail with your guest post idea!

... ... ... ...

Alright, people. The moment you've been waiting for... The real answer to the riddle was... (drumroll, please!)

Actually, I have an app on my iPod that makes a drumroll sound... and it claps, too!

Oh, wait... you're looking for an answer. Right.

The correct answer was...

An elevator!

If you think about it, it makes sense - I promise!

However, as I suspected, nobody guessed that. And, despite the fact that I said it wasn't my poor, beat up car, many of you still suggested that.

The best answer, then, was...

Michael, with "coffee!!"

Exclamation points always make stuff more interesting.

Anyway, if you look through the comments, you'll see that Michael didn't comment there - he actually submitted his answer in the form of a comment on the mobile version of this site (which I can't get to sync with my real website).

For his creativity (which was amazing - coffee actually works for every clue I gave!), Michael wins a $5 Amazon gift card! 

I hope to do more mini-giveaways like this in the near future, so keep a lookout for them!

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!  

Riddle Me This

Reminder: I'm still accepting "Living to the Fullest" submissions! If you've got an idea, don't hesitate. Send it my way!

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I have a riddle for you. I'll give you 5 clues. If you figure it out, you'll feel smart and you'll know something more about me that you didn't know before!

Clue #1 - What... smells like some rancid mixture of old lady, alcohol, and pizza... But sometimes smells delightful - like cinnamon, even?

Clue #2 - What... relaxes me and brings me a moment of solitude and space to myself... But sometimes makes me as slow as molasses?

Clue #3 - What... allows me a quick chat with friends, or even strangers... But sometimes causes people to think I'm lazy?

Clue #4 - What... moves me from place to place... But keeps me stationary at the same time?

Clue #5 - What... makes my life easier... But makes it more complicated, too?

You've got until 5 PM CST (US) today to figure out this riddle. I'll post the answer then, along with an explanation. The best answer - not necessarily the correct one - will receive a small prize!


Also: In order to be eligible, you must be subscribed to Life Before the Bucket in some way (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, or a Feed Reader). When you answer, be sure to mention how you follow Life Before the Bucket!

For example... If you guessed car, you may be right, but it's a lame answer. If you, on the other hand, guessed a segue, that'd be epic (except it wouldn't be now). Be creative!

Good luck!

photo credit - svilen001 - sxc.hu

Find the Beauty in Today

Today could be the most beautiful day of your life. It could be unforgettable, laced with memories unmatched.

Or today could be another Wednesday, caught in the mess of yet another week in another month in another year.

Today could be the most beautiful day of your life. It could be overflowing with love, compassion, and care for every person you encounter.

Or it could be filled with bickering, attitude, and self-loathing.

Today could be the most beautiful day of your life. It could even be greatest day of your life, if only you'd give it a chance.

Or it could settle for less, for "fine" or "good." But even "good" is forgettable.

Today could be the most beautiful day of your life. It could be filled with an unrivaled boldness that sets it apart from the pack.

Or it could simply become a day italicized, written for nothing more than fodder until the next beautiful day of your life.

Today will be the most beautiful day of your life. If only you give it a chance. If only you let it be different. If only you let it be loving. If only you don't let it settle for "good."

Make this day the most beautiful day of your life.

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Questions: Do you really believe each day could be more beautiful than the next? What inspires you to seek beauty in your everyday life? How can you make today the most beautiful day of your life?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

photo credit: boogy_man - sxc.hu

Living to the Fullest: Can a Teenager do it?

Note from Adrian: Today's guest post comes from my sister, Tanna Waller. She's an aspiring writer and singer, and has a rockin' awesome YouTube channel that you should subscribe to. Enjoy her post and leave her some love in the comments section!

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I’m seventeen years old.

I’m too young. Too naïve. Too ignorant or innocent.

In many peoples’ minds, I’ve hardly lived life at all.

But in my short seventeen years I’ve learned many things.

I’ve learned that you have to give to get. Not everyone is going to like you, no matter how hard you try. You have to treasure the moments you have with your loved ones because there will never be enough of them. I’ve learned that family, friends, and even your enemies are all important, and all deserve to be loved.

I’ve learned that life is about adapting, about changing, and about making the best out of any situation, no matter how hopeless it may be.

Take my brother, for instance. He has a ferret on his face – you know, that thing he calls a beard. People tell me that it’s weird, or that he needs to shave it. Maybe that it’s not “Christian” or “Godly.” But I say, Power to The Ferret. If that’s what makes my brother happy, then so be it; that’s what should make everyone happy.

Take my sister. She got pregnant when she was seventeen (the same age I am, in case you didn’t catch that). She was too young, naïve, ignorant, innocent. But she got pregnant, and she had that child, and her son is my favorite person in the world. It wasn’t the best situation, but we have always made the best out of it.

Now take my father. He died when I was thirteen. Before he died, he wasn’t always a steady figure in my life. He wasn’t always the best person to be around, and he didn’t always do the best things. But I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart, and I still do. He was taken tragically from my life, and from my family’s lives, but we’ve made the best out of that situation.

My family and I have realized that we need to show each other love, and be kind to each other. For instance, every Friday, my dad’s side of the family and I get together and have dinner. The pizza is terrible, but I treasure those Friday nights because I don’t know how many more of them I’ll have.
I treasure my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my siblings, and my mother, because I have no idea when any of them will be taken from me.

So, I’m seventeen. I don’t know anything, but I do know how to love. I know how to give. I know how important every person in my life is. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because that’s what living life to the fullest is all about.

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Questions: What did living life to the fullest look like for you when you were 17? How different was it from the life that Tanna describes here? 

This guest post was part of a guest post series called "Living to the Fullest." Interested in joining in? I'm still looking for submissions! Just write up a post, or even just an idea, and e-mail it my way.

Seat-Between Syndrome

I'm stoked to start up our Life to the Fullest guest post series this week! If you haven't already, consider submitting a post!

As a Christian, I notice a lot of odd phenomenon among our sub-culture of America.

For instance...

We "like" some pretty terrible music. Those who willingly participate in the  K-LOVE challenge are my primary witnesses to this fact.

We make things more complicated than they have to be. Oh, what's that, you say? Jesus had "disciples?" Why don't we just call them "students," 'cause, ya know, we speak English, not Bible.

We get caught up in the petty and often overlook the egregious errors of our ways. The horror that was/is the overlooked abuse of Jessica Ahlquist is enough to get us all to shake our heads in shame.

Most of these oddities are chronicled in the writings of Jon Acuff (over at Stuff Christians Like), but every once in a while, something slips through the cracks.

That something has been happening to me and many others for as long as I can remember. It's a condition of Christians that I like to call...

Seat-Beside Syndrome.

SBS, if you're lazy and don't want to type all of that (like me).

SBS has plagued churches across the nation for years. For as long as churches have been packed out, this has been a problem. And the only remedy to it is often an awkward announcement by someone up front that we all need to "scoot to the middle" of our seats.

Don't worry, though. You can easily self-diagnose whether you're at risk for having SBS by noting a couple of things next time you go to church (or any other social setting, for that matter).

Here's an example of the climate in which SBS thrives.

First off, do you find yourself looking for an empty row of seats (or even an empty section) to sit in during a church service? This isn't actually SBS, but is a symptom of a much larger problem.

Secondly, when you are relegated to sitting near other actual people, do you find yourself spreading your stuff so no one sits near you? Again, this is another very serious symptom of SBS.

Finally, when you do sit next to someone, do you experience a slowing of time, as if you may be stuck there forever? Do you experience feelings of dread at the thought of such an occurrence? If so, it is very likely that you may have SBS.

If you find that these three symptoms regularly apply to you, please seek immediate professional assistance. It is very likely that you suffer from SBS.

So what exactly is SBS, you ask? Well, it's simple. Here's how you actually diagnose the disease:

When you scout out your seat during a church service, you find the perfect spot. You approach the row of seats, only to find others sitting near there. So, without thinking twice, you allow your SBS to take over, and approach those people. You choose your chair and take a seat, again, without hesitation.

Now, after you've firmly staked out and claimed your seat of choice, diagnosis is easy. Are you ready for it?

If there are people two seats away from you, who aren't reserving any places around them, and you don't choose a seat next to them, but sit a seat down from them, then you have Seat-Beside Syndrome.

I know, I know. You're a little scared. You aren't sure what to do. Is there a cure? Will you ever be rid of this disease? Don't worry; I've got some answers.

Seat-Beside Syndrome is curable. In fact, it is often a signal of a much larger problem. We haven't been able to diagnose it yet, but research is being done at a breakneck speed to pinpoint the root cause. Here's what we do, know, though:

First of all, you might be scared of people. If this is the case, though, you probably already know it and very rarely go to social events (like church) in the first place. If this applies to you, then I have no words for you, since going to church would be enough of a struggle for you in the first place.

If this doesn't apply to you, then I've got some bad news. You, like myself, might just not like other people. Sure, friends and family are okay - they don't count as "others." But we really just don't care much for the person sitting (sort of) next to us.

It's sad, really. A body that doesn't cooperate or enjoy other parts of itself. Like a hand that refuses to grasp something because the thumb has a certain distaste for the middle finger (hence their separation by the pointer finger). Sounds ludicrous, doesn't it?

If you don't have SBS, then you're probably not sure what to make of this. But if you do, then you're probably saying, "Oh, I've heard this sermon before. Get on with it."

This is more than me preaching at us, though. People, we are messed up like no other. Not only do we shield ourselves from people whose beliefs are different from our own, but we put up defenses to avoid those who we claim to call brothers and sisters. It's embarrassing for those without SBS, to be frank.

You don't even have to get a shot to curse SBS!

So do yourself (and the rest of those people without SBS) a favor. Sit next to someone at church this week. Not near them. Not around them. Next to them. And then, maybe try out this thing that the guy you follow (Jesus, in case you forgot) proposed: loving them. And not in a "I don't have to like them - I only have to love them" kind of way. That doesn't even make sense.

For the sake of all of those around you, stop leaving empty seats between you and others. Take a baby step toward building up your community of faith. Next thing you know, you might actually enjoy sitting by other people. And before you know it, you'll be rid completely of SBS and all of its symptoms.

Unless, of course, you enjoy being sick. But take a word of advice from someone who's been there: if you don't treat a sickness, it only spreads and infects the rest of the body. If you don't take steps to remedy SBS, it is contagious and will affect those around you. It may even morph into a stronger disease that has no cure.

So let's vow to nip this in the bud. We know the disease (SBS), and we have a cure (true love), so let's stop it once and for all.

... ... ...

Questions: Have you ever thought about SBS before? Do you think it's a problem? Is it something you struggle with? What are some other peculiarities of Christians that you've noticed over time?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

photo credits: Leonardini and emailrober - sxc.hu

Win of the Week

Did you hear about the epic guest post series we're starting up? The first post will be next week, so get your submissions in ASAP! Here's my e-mail if you're interested: awaller1990@gmail.com. And remember, you don't have to be a writer or a blogger to contribute!

If ever a week was a roller coaster, this one would be it.

Thankfully, the ride is just about over. The bar is about to lift, and that pressure will be gone. We can step off together and breathe a sigh of relief that we survived.

There were highs and there were lows. There were moments that flew, and others that crawled with anticipation.

Here, in our celebration of this wonderful day known as Friday, we spill with our successes, our brightest moments in the past seven days. We share our Win of the Week.

Now, like I said, this week was a roller coaster for me. There were points when I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in the middle of next week. There were also a couple of points when I wanted to freeze time and take comfort in the joy of a moment lived well.

The moment that I'm proudest of, though? Well... That would have to be yesterday's blog post.

It was the least viewed of the four posts from this week, but it was also one of the most difficult for me to write. First of all, I was feeling like death the night before and the morning of that post. I couldn't shake a nasty headache and an overwhelming tiredness. Secondly, I'm not one to spill my guts often. I'm open if you ask, but I don't usually volunteer personal information like that.

I'm grateful that I did it, though. I got some great responses from you guys, as well as some responses from friends who had read my blog that day. It was a moment of vulnerability for me, but it was worth it.

So that, my friends, is my Win of the Week.

... ... ...

Questions: What is your win of the week? Was it something small? Something big? A moment of vulnerability like my own?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

The Awkward In-Between

Writer by day. Secret agent by night.

I have this really bad habit, guys.

It isn't biting my fingernails, though I definitely do that. Is it really a "bad" thing, anyway?

Nor is it leaving the toilet seat up after I use the restroom. Because I love my wife like that.

And in case the thought crossed your mind, I don't live a double-life as a secret agent. Well, there was that one time...

No, my bad habit is far beyond any of these ridiculous things. It's not something I'm proud of, either, which I suppose is why I haven't shared it yet. It's one of those things that I keep tucked away in my mind, for nobody else to see. It's like a club that only me, myself, and I have a membership to, and we haven't been accepting new members since... forever.

And at this point, you can probably see that I'm stalling.

So, at the risk of losing every friend I've ever had, I'll spill. But you have to pinky-promise not to judge me too much.

Here it is:

A lot of times, I don't believe my friends when they tell me things.

Okay, so that doesn't sound so awful. But let me give you an example.

Let's say a good friend of mine told me that he hasn't been feeling well. Unless he shows me the thermometer that read his fever, as well as a second one verifying the first, I struggle to empathize. Especially if he's good at hiding it, in which case I usually tend to believe he's trying to get "out" of something.

Now it still may not sound that awful, but it gets worse (in my mind, at least).

You see, I suffer from chronic illness. I sleep with oxygen at night and do breathing treatments and chest physiotherapy every day. But frankly, I don't want my disease to define who I am, so I try my best to hide it. Now, mind you, my rolling backpack does make people wonder why I don't carry a bag like everyone else, but I don't typically draw attention to myself when I don't feel well.

Like this past week or two. I've been so tired. All. The. Time. And I want people to believe me so badly. But they don't seem to have any sympathy, because I'm still going to school and I'm still working on this huge paper we have due in two weeks. By all accounts, I'm normal. And hey, who isn't tired in college?

But I want people to know it's different for me. It's the worst kind of double-standard. I expect people to believe me and to sympathize with me, but I have the hardest time giving people I love the benefit of the doubt.

Somewhere alone the line, I fed into the lie that I matter more than they do. 

And maybe that's the real confession here. 

I know it seems like I have it all together when I write, and that may be true. Writing is a place of solace and serenity for me. I can shed my suckiness and dress myself in a facade of words. And that's nice, for a moment or two. Until I realize that my writing can't heal me from who I am.

But when the words are stripped away, and it's me and you, the truth is, I'm not any better than you are. You and I, we both have our struggles. We both have our successes. We both have our ups, downs, and awkward in-betweens.

And right now, I find myself in that awkward in-between. I don't feel well, but I'm still healthy enough to live somewhat normally (besides being a 22 year old on oxygen). So I ask you to accept me where I am, even if you don't totally understand it. And I pinky-promise you that I'll try to understand when you're there too.

... ... ...

Questions: Do you have any bad habits? How do they affect your daily life? Can you sympathize with my struggle here? Why do you think we often set double-standards for those we love the most?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

photo credit: mzacha - sxc.hu

Woman Talk

Don't forget about the guest post series we're starting up! I've gotten a few great submissions, but I'm definitely looking for more! Don't be shy! Write 'em up and send 'em my way!

Just out of curiosity... how many languages do you know?

5? 7? 2?

Or do you just know 1? (Hopefully no one knows less than that)

I think a lot of us fall under the same category that I'm in: a language "sampler."We know bits and pieces of about 10 different languages, but if we had to survive in a country that spoke any of them, we'd die.

It's not a bad thing. It's just how things are.

For instance, I know bits and pieces of Spanish, French, Chinese, and Krio. I also doknow how to read Ancient Greek, but that's about as useful when speaking as knowing how to swim while standing on your head.

However, what I didn't realize until just recently is that I'm slowly learning a new language.

What's funny about this new language I'm learning is that it isn't really voluntary. I'm being immersed in it every day, without reprieve. But I need to know it to survive. And many others out there are going through the same thing right now. Some have only been learning for a few days, and others for decades. But none of us will ever truly master the language known as...

Woman talk.

I know what you might be thinking (if you're a woman, anyway). "We don't speak a different language! Guys just don't listen!" And you're probably right. But in our defense, we don't listen because we don't understand! It's like planting us in Japan and expecting us to navigate. It just doesn't work.

You girls speak a different language! 

I have proof, too. Anecdotal proof, but proof nonetheless.

You see, my wife is a beast and loves to run. She's about 37 billion times more in shape than I am. And that's no exaggeration. So she tries to go running everyday.

One day, she went to go running right before we were about to leave to go somewhere. She looks at me as she's leaving, and woman talk starts pouring out of her mouth. It sounded something like, "I’m running 3 miles and then I want to leave." But I'm a woman talk rookie, so I can't be 100% sure. I've consulted experts, and they're still baffled.

Thankfully, though, God blessed me with a wife who knows that I'm as dumb as a rock when it comes to understanding what she's saying. So when that inevitable blank, confused stare passed from my eyes to hers, she nodded in understanding and translated for me.

What she said: "I'm running 3 miles and then I want to leave."

What she meant: "Shower while I'm gone."

Now just look at that. How could any sane human grasp such a ridiculous language? There's no pattern! It makes no sense! What does her running have to do with my personal hygiene?! I haven't a clue!

If you're a guy and you're reading this, you know what I mean. You're nodding your head in understanding as you read, and you're probably trying to figure out a way to crack their code. Don't worry, fellas, it can't be done. I've only been married 2 years and I know that much.

If you're a girl and you're reading this, you're probably shaking your head in disapproval. It seems obvious to you that when my wonderful wife told me she was going running, she meant that she wanted me to shower. It makes total sense to you! However, it does not, and will never, make sense to us guys. So be patient with us.

We're learning. Slowly... Very, very slowly.

(Crud. My wife just left to go run. Better get in the shower!) 

... ... ...

Questions: Have you ever experienced something like this? Does your spouse sometimes say something that you know means something else? Any funny stories worth sharing about this? 

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Disclaimer: This was a repost from June of 2011.

Are We Selfish?

Have you ever been in a class that you could never predict? You know, the one with the zany professor who always has something new up his sleeve? Didn't that class drive you crazy?

Well, my friends, for me that is my Elementary Statistics class. Oh me, oh my.

First of all, our professor is an ex-MLB player. That should be enough to make you wonder. But it gets better.

I secretly think our professor also wants to be a preacher, because somehow, someway, he always manages to segue into a spiritual conversation (even though we're supposed to be talking about "math"). 

Last week was one of his best days, though. We began class by watching three "music" videos. I'll save you some excruciating pain and just let you know that one of them was called "Where's the Line for Jesus?" I can't link to it with a good conscience, so I'll let you find it for yourself. Oh, the horror...

The third one we watched was pretty intense, though. It's worth me sharing with you, so here it is, in its entirety:

Now I don't claim to agree with every word this guy says, but his delivery is unique, to say the least. One of his lines hit me square on the forehead, though, as I sat twiddling my thumbs in my Stats class. Skip to 2:57 in the video to hear it. And on the off chance you're lazy and don't do that, here's what he says:

"Even your good acts are an extension of your selfishness."

Now normally I would have shrugged off this video as another one of this class's weird quirks. But, because of another class I've already had, that quote wouldn't let go of me. So I had to address it.

We try and we try to be good. Whether we're influenced by the God we believe in or by our personal moral ethic, most of us strive to be "good" people. We help others out, give to those who are poor, and sacrifice ourselves to love those around us.

And if you're not at a place where that's a regular part of your life, I'd love to hear why.

Undoubtedly, though, Christians are among worst offenders. We wear our good deeds like Girl Scout badges.

"Can you believe I spent a week there?"

 "I sacrificed my summer without pay to do this."

"Well I support a child through this or that program - they'd be hopeless without me!"

And keep in mind, I'm keeping this inclusive. My hands as red with guilt as anyone else's.

It's clear to everyone but ourselves that we're anything but selfless. "Even our good acts are an extension of our selfishness," remember? Something tells me you don't like hearing that. I didn't either when I first heard it over a year ago. It didn't seem to mesh with my view of the world and myself, so I threw it out and didn't give it a second thought. But somewhere inside of me, I knew its premise to be true.

In one of my past classes, we studied a wide variety of theories concerning families. One of those theories was known as Social Exchange Theory. We all threw a fit when we heard about it, because we didn't want it to be true. Basically, it posits that every decision we make is weighed by a cost-benefit analysis. We think, "What will this cost me?" and "What will I gain?" as we strive to make everyday decisions in life.

For instance:

Say I decide I want to spend a night with friends instead of my wife.

Cost: A night with the love of my wife that I'll never have back.

Gain: A potentially fun night that I'll always remember with my friends.

For you, this might look different in the exact same situation. But that's basically how I weigh it, and about 85% of the time, I choose my wife, because I really like her (in case there was any doubt).

The same kind of thing happens when we decide to do a "good deed."

For example:

Say you're asked to serve at a soup kitchen, giving out food to the poor.

Cost: Some time and maybe a little dignity (if that sort of thing shames you).

Here's where the controversy lies.

Gain: A good feeling. Another good-deed badge on your figurative Girl Scout vest. Or maybe the food that you get to choose from after you're done handing out food to others.

Replace any situation with the one given - I guarantee you'll find the same thing. It's nearly impossible to escape. Consider this: even Jesus being crucified (something a lot of people consider the highest form of selflessness) was for something.

Doesn't it drive you crazy? You don't want this idea of Exchange Theory to be true, but as far as we can see, it is.

So why don't you give in to it? Why don't you want to admit it's right and that you do everything for yourself in some way?

Oh, that's right. Because it would make your "selfless acts" null and void. When you stand before Jesus, you'll have nothing to cling to. And that's exactly the point.

Even our good deeds are an extension of our selfishness.

Why do you think Jesus was sent to be crucified in the first place? There's was nothing we could do about our standing before God. And heck, there still isn't anything we can do. We can prop up our good deeds all we want, but once we remove their shell, what's left behind is nothing more than a menagerie of our ugly, broken selfishness. To Jesus, they're worth nothing more than rusty old Girl Scout badges.

It sucks. Your good deeds aren't inherently "good." But the truth is, they were never meant to be. So don't walk away slumped over, shaking your head about how hopeless we are. For we have hope.

Keep fighting the fight. Keep running the race. 

And remember, even though you're doing good things and think you're a good person, this was never about you in the first place. It was never supposed to be. Keep doing those good things; I never said they were wrong. But stop fooling yourself into thinking that they're good, that you're good, or that they somehow make you good. That couldn't be further from the truth.

... ... ...

Questions: How does this jive with you? Do you get angry when you hear about Exchange Theory? Or have you been nodding your head all along the way? What do you think your reaction to it says about yourself? Does this mean we should never do "good" deeds anymore?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

photo credit: igoghost - sxc.hu

Living to the Fullest

When I started this blog a year and a half ago, I wasn't sure what to make of it.

I didn't think I'd be posting regularly, but I also wanted people to read and to share their thoughts.

Both of those things, though, seem to have come (at least partially) true.

I think that we've really lacked something around here, though. And no, I'm not talking about a time machine (though I'm working on it).

What I'm talking about is a decent guest post series. Sound interesting? Keep reading.

I'd like to feature pieces from people just like YOU, whether you're a blogger or not, about how you personally live life to the fullest. I'm looking for a lot of different perspectives, so don't be afraid to think outside the box on this one.

If you're interested, here are the steps you should take:

1) Write about a time you've lived life to the fullest or how you regularly live an abundant life. Basically, if it sorta, kinda fits this idea, I'll probably like it.

2) Make sure it's less than 750 words - because that's about my attention span.

3) E-mail your post to me... now! Here's my e-mail: awaller1990@gmail.com. 

4) I'll respond with any ideas/edits I have and when I'd like to post it. I reserve the right to deny a request for guest posting, but that'll probably only happen if you make fun of my beard.

I'd like to start featuring posts next week, if possible, so let's make it happen, people! And if you aren't sure what to write about, get up from your computer, step away, and live a little - and then write about it! Simple enough? Great. Can't wait to hear from you!

... ... ...

Questions: Do you think you'll submit a guest post? Why or why not? What will you write about?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Win of the Week

It's Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday...

The not-so-official Win of the Week mascot

Just kidding.

We don't do the Rebecca Black around here. Nope. We've got something much better up our sleeves.

Around here, we celebrate because we've been given the gift of another week passed. We celebrate milestones. We celebrate the insignificant, because we find it significant. We're sharing our win of the week.

This week hasn't been very exciting for me. Call it a post-birthday week letdown. Mostly, I've worked on our final Senior Paper, which seems like a big deal, but really isn't. And I suppose I've learned something from the experience, especially this week.

As I've watched people stress and fret over these passages of Scripture we're examining, I've found myself confused. Why are they stressing? What's to fret about? I see people staying hours and hours and hours on end in the library, only to take a stack of books home with them to work on. What's the point? Is that really living?

I've found that, though I'm not organized in most things, I seem to be able to organize my time well and not allow my schoolwork to bleed into my time to work out, eat, sleep, or be with my wife. These are all things that are higher on my priority list than our paper, and for that, I'm grateful.

So I'm calling this my win of the week. I've learned to be disciplined and not to overwork myself, and that's a skill that most people struggle to learn. Sure, we work, work, work. But what about rest? What about play? What about life?

I can only thank God that he's exposed me to an assignment this ridiculous so I can get my priorities straight.

... ... ...

So what about you? What was your win of the week? Leave a comment that says "My win of the week was..." and it might just get shared on the Life Before the Bucket Facebook or Twitter page!

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading! 

Trust and Reason

Do faith and reason coincide with one another? Or are they diametrically opposed?

This, my friends, is the discussion we've been having in one of my classes for over a week now.

What's worth noting first, though, is that we decided that a better word for "faith" is most likely trust. We get trust. Faith is confusing and can mean a lot of things. And though trust can be ambiguous, it's more clear-cut and closer to the meaning we desire when we use the word "faith."

So do trust and reason go hand in hand? Do they fuel one another or compete with each other? And if both can exist, should one come before the other?

These are some of the questions we've been challenged with.

However, since I attend a fairly conservative Christian university, most of the thoughts expressed on the subject at hand are in one accord (generally speaking). There's always a few outliers, but for the most part, I only hear one side of this story.

So this is where you come in, my fellow Bucketeers. We all come from different walks of life. We're all different ages and live in different places, and have been raised in different ways to believe different things. Thus, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

After a few people comment with their thoughts, I'll chime in with my thoughts on the matter, but for now, I want to leave it up to you.

... ... ...

Questions: So, what are your thoughts on the matter? Do trust and reason go hand-in-hand? Why or why not? And if they do, which comes first (if either)? Also, if they don't agree with each other, which is more important to have concerning people and God?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing it with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

I Enjoy Being Alone

Last week was a pretty solid week in my book.

So glad I don't look like this... yet.

Turned 22 on Tuesday.

Didn't go bald the day I turned 22. Whew.

Worked hard on my "big" (read: not nearly as important as it seems) senior paper.

Enjoyed some good ol' Sabbath rest.

Yup. Solid week, indeed.

You know what one of my highlights was, though?

I got to spend a night alone. 

Yup, you read that right.

Alone. Meaning me and no wife. And in case you're confused, I'll say it again: my wife left, and I enjoyed it.

Sounds like we're having a rough time, eh? Maybe a "rocky point" in our marriage, which I probably deserve after saying that our marriage isn't that hard? Why on earth would I enjoy it when my wife leaves me?!

Well, we break the rules, remember? We're always like this.

I'll be honest - I'm always a little giddy when my wife decides she wants to spend the night with her friends. Usually, it means that I'm at home alone for a night. I don't throw wild parties or go on crazy adventures. Typically, I'm a bum (which just makes me all the more glad I'm married). However, I'm a bum that can do whatever he pleases, and that's the key.

Nights alone bring fulfillment to the introvert within me.

This is definitely an accurate representation of
me sleeping alone.

I enjoy doing whatever I want. I like having the bed all to myself (I'm a closet bed-hog). If I want to have steak or hamburgers for dinner, I can have them and not worry about the thoughts and feelings of another person. And if I want to watch low-budget documentaries or cheesy sitcoms on Netflix, I'm free to do that as well.

I can also choose to stay up late with friends, or go to bed early. Or maybe drink a cup of coffee entirely too late and stay up all night reading, surfing the internet, or playing games. It's a recluse's paradise, and I rarely share it.

However, if that were all there was to nights alone, they wouldn't be worth it.

Frankly, I love my wife. If you haven't gotten that impression around here, then you've missed something. So while I say I enjoy nights alone, what I really mean is that I enjoy a night here and there by myself, but only if my wife comes back the next day.

I can't help it - I'm a sucker for the girl I married.

I may enjoy eating whatever I want, but I love her cooking.

I may find solace in watching a movie or show alone, but it's better when she's by my side so I can pick her mind about what's going on (even if I annoy her from time to time).

I can play all the games I want, but frankly, I can't play most board games by myself.

And hey, I love having an entire bed to myself. But it's boring when I go straight to sleep without any talking, reading, or praying with my wife.

I enjoy waking up with her by my side.

And truthfully, I wouldn't trade a million nights alone for a single day with her. The introvert in me has to die hard, because I'm crazy about this girl and she destroys every notion in my mind of ever living alone.

So while I enjoy being alone (and even treasure it from time to time), I enjoy being with her more - and treasure it all the time.

... ... ...

Questions: Do you enjoy having nights to yourself? What do you do when you're alone for a night? Would you ever consider living alone for an entire lifetime?

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

image credits (respectively): YOdesigner and Nafrea - sxc.hu

My Feathers Have Been Ruffled

This is a repost that challenged me as I read it again. Enjoy!

The other day I was perusing my infinite list of blogs, reading, enjoying myself, and probably drinking coffee, though I can't be sure (so don't quote me on that). Nothing too earth shattering arose, and I was okay with that. Until I read through K. Syrah's latest post over at Shoes Never Worn: "The Indie Writer/Indie Author."

Darn you, K, for ruffling my feathers.

(She does that sometimes, so if you're into that sort of writing, you should really check out her blog.)

Anyway, K was writing about being an Indie author, and ended her post with a quip that made a lot of sense to me, but made me kind of mad:

Of course, I say that because at this moment, money isn’t an issue, and if one has a full belly, and all the bills are paid, it’s easier to be righteous.

Now when I say that K made me mad, I really just mean she rattled my cage. Because frankly, I'm dealing with this right now, and I was mad that she brought it up and threw it in my face, as if it were no big deal. Don't mind the fact that it's completely illogical for me to be mad at her - after all, she has no clue that this is something I'm wrestling with right now.

Here's the deal: I've really been struggling with trusting God in my finances. This is something I've always taken a little pride in, because I don't want to care about money, so I let God take care of it. Typically, our budget doesn't add up and more goes out than comes in. But at the end of the day, we find ourselves blessed by God for trusting him with our cash.

Lately, though, things have been getting a little tighter. And suddenly, I start wondering. I start doubting.  

Does God care? 

Did I do something wrong? 

Is there a certain ritual I need to perform to fix all of this?

And suddenly, I want to take matters into my own hands.  

You see, that quote I posted from K really shook me because I've found myself beginning to back down from what I so firmly believed when I "had a full belly and all the bills were paid."

I've always believed in God's provision and frankly, He's always one-upped me when it comes to finances, always doing more than I could ever expect. However, lately, it seems like God has all but disappeared from managing our money. And suddenly, I want to stop giving radically. I want to start saving back our money, keeping it for ourselves, instead of supporting our beautiful Compassion children.

But then I'm reminded of my calling:

Give to those who ask.

Don't turn away from those who want to borrow. 

Don't store up treasures on earth.

Don't worry about your life.

Don't worry about tomorrow.

Give, God says. Don't worry, He reminds me.  

Give. Don't worry.

I guess it's no coincidence that when Matthew pens those words, he talks about radical giving first and then says not to worry. It's like he knew what his readers would be experiencing as they read his admonition to give without hesitation.

I want so badly to be able to keep giving and enjoy it. And I'm trying. I haven't given up on God, and I guess I've just come to terms with the fact that God is still taking care of me. I'm just being selfish and I want more. Because, obviously, I deserve better. I'mentitled to his blessings. He owes me.

Wrong. Double wrong. In fact, that's all a bucket of lard.

I need nothing more. I deserve nothing better. His blessings are his to give, not mine. And God owes me nothing. In fact, I'm sure it's the other way around. I owe him. A lot. Everything, in fact. And so I keep giving. I keep trusting. I keep hoping. And along the way, I'm trying not to worry, because, hey, what good has worry done any of us anyway?

... ... ...

Questions: Did that quote from K hit home with you? Can you relate to my struggle here? Or do you struggle with trusting God for other things, beyond money? What are you having a hard time trusting God with today?


If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!