It Isn't That Hard

So I live with this girl.

Her and I, we're pretty different.

She likes Pinterest. I like my Playstation.

She runs half-marathons for fun (because she's that epic). I... Well, I cheer for her, and that's pretty fun.

She's smart - sometimes even smarter than me. But I definitely have a better beard than her.

Also worth noting: we're terrible at taking pictures together.
This one is over two and a half years old.

And you know, with all of the personality between the two of us, you would think that World Wars III and IV would take place in our little apartment.

Truth be told, though, that isn't the case.

I know this flies in the face of everything you may have been taught about marriage or have experienced in your own marriage (or in your parent's), but...

We get along.

We kinda like each other a lot.

And I don't know if we've ever gotten in a knock-down, fight-it-out argument. In fact, I'm pretty sure we haven't.

(Yup. Wife just verified it: no WWE Smackdown has ever happened here.)

Oh. Wait. There is this one thing. Just Google "The Drawbridge Exercise." Herein lies the fiercest divide our household has ever seen. You've been warned.

But you know what? We can disagree. And that's okay, too. We allow that around here. But frankly, we agree about almost everything.

Sure, sure, sure. I can just hear it now:

"You're both wearing rose-colored glasses."

"You haven't been married long enough."

"Just wait until you have kids."

Here's the thing, though. We've been through so many ups and downs together that we've essentially bullet-proofed ourselves from any potential collateral damage of circumstantial turmoil.

We've faced death together. We've wrestled with the reality of having a child. I've been sick to the point of not being able move for long periods of time. We've dealt with family conflict. Church drama. School drama. Friends abandoning us. Loved ones leaving.

We've also savored the more fleeting moments of peace and contentment. Sabbath dinners together. Nighttime prayers. Ridiculous dates. Our times of good health. Road trips. Weddings. Birthday parties. Family get-togethers.

High and low, we stay the same. Our love for each other, though expressed differently in varying circumstances, never changes.

And you know what? It isn't that hard.

We haven't had to fight for our marriage.

We don't have to wrestle with trust issues.

We aren't constantly struggling to give love where there is none.

And this isn't to say that we don't care. We love each other fiercely, with unbridled passion for one another. 

I guess it just comes naturally. And we take no credit for that. We give credit where credit is due: to the source of love himself. It wouldn't be possible without him. And you know, it probably wouldn't be this easy, either. 

... ... ...

Question: Should marriage be difficult? Why or why not? What are some ways that you've discovered to have an easier, more fulfilling marriage?

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd also appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Living an Ersatz Life

So I learned a new word last week, and I haven't been able to let go of it.

I've been thinking about it, chewing on it, pondering it, and I've just about had enough of it. I've gotta get it off of my chest.

The word, courtesy of Experimental Theology, is ersatz.

Ersatz is everything we're not about around here. Simply put, ersatz describes something that is fake. If something is ersatz, it's a replacement, and a crappy one at that.

For instance, many people, especially outside of the United States, would declare American football to be an ersatz football game, preferring the kind people actually play with their feet.

Meanwhile, many Apple fans preach that PCs are ersatz computers, trying to convert us to the dark side.

But I digress.

Seriously, though. This is a word that'll make you think.

Personally, I think about the idea of living an ersatz life, and I get a little nervous.

Living ingeniously is one of my biggest fears, but as someone who thrives off of the encouragement of others, it's a realistic possibility. I like to think that I'm an independent, self-sufficient adult, but I'll be the first to tell you: that's a dirty lie.

The truth is, I wouldn't be worth my weight in toilet paper if I wasn't encouraged along the way by some awesome people like yourselves. If blogs didn't have a comment feature, I'd be up a creek (and I'm not much of a swimmer). I treasure kind words.

The danger, though, is that while I crave encouragement, I also tend to crave approval.

I can't help it; I want you to like me.

And while I've learned a thing or two about people not liking me, it doesn't mean I've mastered the art of ignoring the haters. Sadly, I walk a fine line every day between appealing to others and becoming what they want me to be at the expense of who I actually am. And though people have great intentions, something tells me that who they want me to be is an inferior replacement of who I actually am.

I don't want to live an ersatz life when I've been called to so much more.

... ... ... 

Question: Do you sometimes find yourself living an ersatz life? What influences you to be someone you aren't? How can you genuinely be yourself today? 

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd also appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Win of the Week

It's one of those days.

You know, the three-cups-of-coffee-won't-wake-me-up kind of day.

But, regardless of how worn out you are, you made it. It's Friday.

And around here, it means something relatively new.

We think we're pretty special people, and in living life as fully as possible, we get a little worn out. We need a pat on the back, and so we come here to get it.

This week has been exhausting beyond belief for me. It was our first full week of school. It was also my first full week off of my antibiotics, which means the darned bacteria in my lungs gets a chance to recover from my attack on them.

It was a great week, though.

A picture of a picture, because I AM that tired today.

My win of the week? Definitely getting to see our family both last Sunday (that was still this week, right?) and this coming weekend. Last weekend we had a birthday party, and this weekend, we'll probably just relax, play board games, and pick on my youngest sister, Tanna, because we all know she's smarter and more talented than the rest of us and want to feel good about ourselves.

I kid, I kid.

So what about you? What was/is/is going to be your win of the week?

I've Got a Confession

Alright, fellow Bucketeers. I've got a confession to make.

But it isn't happening here!

Caleb Wilde, over at Confessions of a Funeral Director, has so kindly allowed me to use his web space carry out my ultimate plan to takeover the internet to share a post with him and his crowd.

Rumor has it that there will also be a ridiculous picture of me (and my beard) posted as well.

So come on over and read what I've written, leave your thoughts in the form of a comment, and share it with your friends!
 
Thanks!

Click the image to check out my guest post!

On Being (C)overt

Something came up yesterday that really struck me in a way I didn't like.

I tried to shake it. I tried to ignore it. I tried to set it on fire and throw it out the window. It just. wouldn't. go. away.

The worst part was that it was about myself.

If you've been around Life Before the Bucket for any amount of time, you might have noticed that my writing covers a pretty broad range of topics. I enjoy talking about my wife, my marriage, school, God, Christianity, living with chronic illness, adoption, my pet peeves (like captchas and typos), any many, many other things.

Frankly, I love writing about life.

Yesterday, though, I realized something about my writing that I'm not so sure about.

I make no bones about the fact that I'm a Christian. I strive to follow Jesus in his example of love for God and for others, and that belief informs everything I do. My writing is no exception. My beliefs can and do bleed into my words.

Here's the thing, though. When I write, I'm always thinking in some way or another about Scripture. So, for the most part, my writing is inspired by words I've read in the Bible during my short life as a follower of Jesus. However, I'm not writing a blog specifically about the Bible (except to say that I suck at reading it), so I rarely mention in an overt fashion.

What I do want to make clear, though, is that I believe, like one of our professors says, that "All truth is God's truth." So when I write, I hope that my words communicate that truth clearly without beating you over your proverbial (or literal) head with Bible verses.

Is this okay? I'm not sure.

Would you prefer a more overt approach to Scripture from me? Or do you enjoy this more subtle style that I've chosen to employ thus far in my writing journey?

I think I know where I stand with this, but I wanted to hear from you, whoever you are, to gauge your thoughts.

What you think about this is important and means a lot to me. If you could take a moment to leave a comment with your thoughts, I would be greatly appreciative.

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd also appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

It Really Doesn't Matter

I wrote this post at the beginning of last semester. Since I just began my last semester of undergraduate study, I thought it would be fitting to repost it as a reminder to myself of what truly matters as I study. Enjoy!


One of the most interesting aspects of my life is something I rarely blog about: attending a Christian college.

Our school is very, very small - it averages about 330 students each year, which is less than my graduating class in high school. Having been in public school my entire life, it's a different environment for me. Everyone around here is either from some farm-town in Western Kansas, was home-schooled, or lives in areas of their hometown that I can't even afford to think about.

It's a weird dynamic to experience for four years.

I've been reluctant to write about MCC (Manhattan Christian College) for many reasons.

First of all, it really just isn't that interesting to me. There's a lot more to life than school. And although I'm pretty "good" at school, it doesn't top out my priority list.

Mostly, though, I haven't written about my school because I'm scared to hear from people who are hyper-apologists of sorts for our micro-community. Truth be told, there are people that don't want a negative word to leak concerning the school, for fear of losing something (though I'm not really sure what).

I'm still not really here to write about the negatives of my school, either. Maybe later. Much later. As in when I'm in graduate school later. But for now, I just want to share something interesting with you that I discovered last night:

All that I've learned at this Christian college is that I don't care about most of the stuff we have to learn about to get our Bible degree.

Now granted, that's a pretty sweeping statement, so allow me to narrow it down for you with a story.

Last night, we had a friend over who stops by on occasion - we love having her over. After dinner was done sinking to the bottom of our stomachs, she started talking with my wife about the Bible and about not knowing a lot of stuff about it.

My wife, being the genius that she is, told her that Bible college is good to help with that, and gave her the example of different views of Creation. She rattled off the basics of Young-Earth Creationism, Old-Earth Creationism, and the Literary Framework viewpoint. I was impressed with how well Kalyn articulated each view, but then our friend asked us where we stood on the issue.

After thousands of dollars, a dozen Bible classes, and three years of college, this is our shared view on that specific matter. You might want to get your pencils out to take notes, because it's a doozy. Here it is:

It really doesn't matter.

Say whaaaaaaaaaat?!

Okay, okay, back up. Hold up. Pause. Stop, collaborate, and listen (okay, maybe that's a little too far).

In three years of debates, struggles, studies, and "building relationships" (because that's what MCC is "all about"), that is our conclusion about most things that people bring up about Christianity and the Bible.

It really doesn't matter.

I'm just going to go on record as saying that we paid entirely too much money for such a simple answer.

I mean, maybe we've failed as Christian college students, but something tells me we haven't. You see, there's a lot of reasoning behind our conclusion. I won't bore you with the details (unless you e-mail me and ask, in which case, I'd be glad to!), but suffice it to say, there's one main reason that brings me to the conclusion I'm at with this stuff:

If it does not help me to love people more, it really does not matter.

The end. Period. That's my bottom-line. I came to MCC for a number of reasons, but I'm leaving with only one: love. Not knowledge. Not because of my degree. Not to use the skills I've learned. I'm leaving in a year because I want to love people that I don't know. I want to love people that I don't understand. I want to love people that disagree with me.

And I don't just mean a "I have to love them, not like them" sort of attitude. I really want to love people. God's equipped me especially for that, and it's what I want to do.

Arguing about Creationism? Well, unless you're pretty creative, there are very few ways that you can love someone through that.

So for now, I let the arguments rest. Chances are, when we're all dead and gone and chatting up God, we'll find out we were completely wrong about almost everything, anyway. And at that point, I don't think I'll care, so why should I now?

... ... ...

Question: What is something that you struggle with that keeps you from loving others?


If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Doin' the Funk-Face

Lately, I've been feeling a little off. A little funky, if you will.

And no, not the Village People kind of funky, though I have those moods as well. 

No, this kind of funky looks like this hypothetical conversation that I had with my wife:

Me: *funk-face*

Wife: What's up?

Me: Nothing.

Wife: Okay... What's wrong?

Me: *emphasizing the funk-face* Nothing.

Wife: Are you sure? 

Me: Well, no.

Wife: I know what you need. You need to do some dishes. It's therapeutic, you know.

Me: Yeah... right. *extra funky funk-face*

Now, like I said, this actual conversation never happened, but it might as well have. I've just been in a mood these last few days. You know the kind.

I don't want to do anything, but I want to do something.

I'm bored, but if there's something to do, I don't want to do it.

I feel like eating, but I don't want any food.

And the face is undeniable:

So maybe I overemphasized the fish-lips. But you get the point.

When I'm in a funk, I'm restless like a 13 year old who's tasted Mountain Dew for the first time.

Somehow, though, I managed to snap out of the funk today. Which is lucky for you, because this post wouldn't exist, otherwise. I'm not sure what did it, though. It could have been...

Getting a new lens and taking pictures around the house.

My wife's concern over the funk-face.

Getting to see the in-laws and celebrate my birthday a little early.

Really, though, I think it was probably a combination of the three, mixed in with some good, old-fashioned rest. Again, I'm thankful for Jen Hatmaker's book, 7, which is teaching me more about pausing and resting every day, and especially during the Sabbath. But more on that later.

For now, I'm looking to you. 

First of all, what does your Funk-Face look like?

Secondly, how do you manage to snap out of a funk if you're in one?

I'm legitimately asking, because I'm pretty clueless as to how I can snap myself out of these funks when they happen. Of course, maybe listening to a little Village People would do the trick...

Or maybe not.

... ... ...

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!

Win of the Week

You made it through another week!

Guess what?

It's Friday.

You made it.

Breathe a sweet sigh of relief and enjoy it while you can.

I think I want to start a new "tradition" around here. I'm definitely borrowing it from one of my favorite sports blogs, so hopefully they don't sue the pants off me (because it's cold and I really need my pants to stay warm).

Here's what we're gonna do. Every Friday, I want to keep it simple. I want to share our "wins" of the week with one another. Even if it's something like "I made it through the week without killing too many people" (not that I condone killing, but hey, a win's a win). I wanna hear it!

So here's my win of the week: I had band practice at church last night and was actually able to play guitar while standing, so I'm pretty stoked about that. I've had to sit while playing for most of the last year, so it's a pretty big deal to me.

So there you have it. No matter how big or small your win was this week, let's hear it:


What was your win of the week?

The Danger in Riding Fences

When I write, I spend a lot of time staring at a blank screen.

I also spend a lot of time suffocating the little key on my laptop known as "backspace."

The delete key wins honorable mention, but only because it's what backspace should have been named.

And in all of this staring and key-mashing, I find myself frustrated, wallowing in my own destructive self-talk.

No, that's not good enough.

BACKSPACE

Why would people be interested in that?

DELETE

You'll never "make it" with lame ideas like this.

UNDO

And the negative self-talk persists. No matter how many posts I write or how many people read my words, those doubts creep up on me each time I'm trying to decide on the words that will fill my screen.

I realized something the other day, though. Something that helps. It doesn't heal the negativity I have toward myself (and that's another series of posts for another week entirely), but it keeps me from getting ugly.

So what did I realize?

The easiest way for me to nip my defeating self-talk in the bud is to simply make a decision.

This is one of the hardest things for me to do in life. Ask anyone that knows me (especially my wife). I'm often chained down by indecision because I don't have enough confidence in myself to believe that I could actually be doing something correctly.

But what I realized the other day is this: oftentimes, when I'm deciding between one thing or another, the results of choosing one or the other won't be nearly as devastating as choosing neither.

Step away from the fence, people.

Case in point: I've been aching over buying a camera lens forever. I finally decided on one two days ago, and I still have doubts about my choice. But if I kept riding the fence and "playing it safe," I was going to be losing out on precious opportunities to use a new lens to capture memories - the whole point of my photography.

Not deciding was worse for me than choosing either of the options, and this is often the case with most decisions in life.

So today, learn from my mistakes. Make a choice, jump off that fence, and destroy it while you're down. The danger in riding fences is that they get you nowhere, and they get you there fast.

I don't know what decision you need to make to today, but I do know that making one is better than making none. Figure out what decisions you're avoiding in your life and do. something. about. them.

... ... ...

Questions: What sort of decisions have you been avoiding? Why have you avoided choosing a side? What is there to gain from riding the fence? 

If you enjoy what you've read, I'd appreciate you subscribing to Life Before the Bucket and  sharing this post with your friends. Thanks a million for reading!


photo credit: raZna - sxc.hu

Just Do It

This past month has been insane.

I mean, sure, there was that whole Christmas thing. And then New Year's. And finishing last semester. And starting this semester.

Minor details. 

No, what I'm talking about doesn't concern school or holidays. What I'm talking about is life.

Over the last month or so, I've set some pretty lofty goals for myself:

Gain 30 pounds. 

Stop drinking soda. 

Spend less than five minutes a day on Facebook.

And the list goes on.

And as I've pursued these things, I've been doing a lot of reading. A lot of reading. On weight gaining. On blogging. On spirituality and what it means to accept the Bible for what it is and not what I want it to be. On photography. On living my life to the fullest. And so, so much more.

And you know what I've found that's helped me? Frankly, very little.

You see, as I'm working toward truly living life every moment of every day (as opposed to simply existing and letting life happen to me), I'm learning. I'm learning what works for me.

The thing is, I read a thing here and there about what to do for this and that. But ultimately, it comes down to me actually living and finding out what works for me - not just what I think sounds good to me.

Sure, I love reading. It's great for learning and great for leisure. And I love learning and enjoying myself.  But learning and leisureliness do not equate with living.

In this last month, I've learned that in order to find what works for me, I actually have to take the risk of failing in order to discover success. And I think this is something that could be said for you as well.

Want to be a big-time blogger? You don't have to post 5 times a week, or even once a week. There's no magic formula. Find what works for you and do it.

Want to live a healthier lifestyle? You don't have to exercise 4 hours a day. You don't have to be a vegan. You do have to find what works for you and do it.

Want to write a book? You don't have to wake up at 5 AM everyday or stay up until 3 AM every night. If it's not your thing, don't do it. Find what works for you and... yup, you guessed it: do it.

I know I sound like a Nike commercial right now, but it doesn't get much simpler than that. If you're looking to live a richer, more fulfilling life right now, then stop reading, stop seeking the "right way." Figure out what it means for you to live a fulfilled life and just do it.

... ... ...

Questions: What is holding you back from achieving your goals? Why do you fear the risk of failure? How will you live a more fulfilled life in your own personal way today?

Don't forget to subscribe to Life Before the Bucket! If you enjoyed this post, please use the fancy schmancy buttons and links to share this post with your friends!

There's a Hole in the Bucket...

... dear Liza, dear Liza.

This is me when I run out of blogs to read.

Just kidding.

I'm not here to sing you a catchy song.

Or even to write a catchy post.

Instead, I'm going to let you take the spotlight today.

Yup. You.

I fear there may be a hole in my good ol' bucket o' blogs, because it's running dry.

And when I don't have many blogs to read, I get sad.

So whether you're young or old, rich or poor, a native to this blog or a new reader, I want you to leave a comment with your a blog that you're really loving right now.

It can be about anything. Circuses. Parades. Circuses in parades! I'm not picky, I promise.

Let me have it! And thanks in advance!

Concerning Mrs. Hatmaker

Jen Hatmaker is wrecking my life.

It started about five days ago.

Somehow, by some supernatural force, Mrs. Hatmaker weaseled her way into the life of one of our best friends. And somehow, someway, she convinced our friend to convince my wife to convince me to participate in the challenge presented in her book 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.

Jen Hatmaker is a very convincing woman, apparently.

When she wrote this book in 2011 she knew. She just knew that she was going to ruin me.

First of all, she's starting by taking away my sacred Sundays and forcing me to spend it resting. And actually going to church! Ridculous, I say! I'm American! I work every day, around the clock, and only stop for coffee!

And then there's this this prayer nonsense we're doing as a part of the chapter on stress. She's treating it like it actually matters. Apparently she missed the memo that we get when we become Christians that says, "We only say we'll pray - God doesn't actually expect us to do it." Who actually wastes time with such an antiquated ritual, anyway?

And seven times a day?! What are we, monks? C'mon, Jen. I have really important stuff to do, like checking my Facebook compusively throughout the day. If I'm praying seven times a day, how do you expect me to know every intimate detail of my friends' lives?

And while I'm thinking of it: I love the number seven. But now, something tells me I'm going to grow to hate it. Just one more thing to thank Jen Hatmaker for...

And this stinkin' book just. keeps. going. 

After the stress chapter I have to basically stop eating food for a month, only getting to choose 7 foods to eat.

And then after that I have to dress like a flippin' hobo, only getting 7 pieces of clothing to wear.

And then Mrs. Jen attacks my spending habits. And my sacred media. And my possessions. And my waste (which I obviously have none of - c'mon, Jen). This is my life, Mrs. Hatmaker, and I'm not sure why you insist upon ruining it for oh, so long.

Will the mutiny ever end?!

This is gonna be a tough one, people. I'm thinking I'm going to have to add this challenge to my 52 in 2012 (which I guess would make it 53). If I don't make it, you'll know who to thank. But before you do, let me be the first to say it:

Mrs. Hatmaker, you've officially ruined my life, and for that, I thank you.

... ... ...

Questions: What do you think about the idea of simplifying your life? Do you think we live in excess? What's so bad about having so much? How can you simplify your life today?


Interested in the book? I'm giving it my highest recommendation - a billion stars out of a billion. BUY IT! (And no, I get nothing for this - Jen Hatmaker and her publisher have no idea I exist)

De-Lurking Time!

photo credit: wizard - sxc.hu

Alright, people.

I know you're out there.

I have my ways - trust me.

With that being said, it's time to come out of the darkness for a moment. Just a moment, I swear!

Get out of that shell and leave a comment!

Say hello, let me know you exist, and then you can go back into hiding. And if you regularly comment, feel free to comment as well!

Let's make this an epic National Delurking Day get-together!

Use What You've Got

So the other day, we chatted about a dude named Timothy.

You don't recall that conversation? Check out this post from Monday.

Sir Tebow is a pretty popular dude - hence why I'm talking about him again.

You see, I highlighted something that T-squared said the other day, and I think that was pretty stinking important. However, there's something else he said in that same post-game interview that struck a chord with me. Something that resonated with my heart, that I can't let go of.

Here's the quote I pulled in full again, with a little different emphasis:

I’m very thankful for the platform God has given me… 

It’s special to have the platform of playing football because I have an opportunity to affect people.

I was very excited to have Bailey Knaub here at this game… Football is amazing, we love it, but the real win is being able to comfort a girl who’s gone through 73 surgeries before the game and get a chance to go hang out with her now. That’s the biggest win of the day, so they’re both exciting, but that’s what I’m even more proud of.

Monday, I focused on the last sentence of Tebow's quote. And now, since it's the last day of the work week, I want to focus on the first thing Tebow had to say in response to hearing that he was a nationwide phenomena.

Whether you like Tim Tebow as a person or as a football player, you can't deny this: he's wise beyond his years. You see, Tim Tebow understands something very important about his life. He realizes that what he has is nothing more than a stage, to be occupied and used, but eventually vacated. So he's making the most of his set time, knowing that eventually, someone else is going to steal the show.

And suddenly, a couple of days ago, I realized the same thing.

I have a platform, just like Tim Tebow. It may not be the same, but it's a stage nonetheless - eventually, I will have to bow out. And I want to be wise with the short set time that I have. I want to make it evident what I'm about and where my heart lies. And when I think about my heart, the first thing that comes to my mind is adoption.

I don't have enough time or web space to explain why I'm so passionate about this subject. That's another another topic for another blog post.

So here I am, on the stage I've been given (for now), bearing my heart's passion to you. I want to use this moment, while I have it, to issue a call to action. It may be small, but the impact of this action may be immeasurable. So here's the plea I'm issuing:

I, in the most sincere and passionate way, ask you to sign this petition. It is a small step toward a push for an extension of a tax credit which would help families fully fund adoptions beyond 2012. 

Personally, I know of several families that were able to be formed as a result of this tax credit. And I know of several more are waiting in the wings, hoping that they too will receive the funds to fully fund their own adoption.

I know that petition signing seems like a loaded thing these days, but please consider taking a moment of your time to help support this very worthy cause. 

And after you sign the petition, you better get to steppin'. After all, you, just like Tim Tebow, only have so much time left on the stage you've been given.

... ... ...

Questions: What does your stage look like? What do you ultimately hope to use your stage for? 

Don't forget to subscribe to Life Before the Bucket! If you enjoyed this post, please use those fancy schmancy buttons down there to share this post with your friends and family!

photo credit: Raven3k - sxc.hu

A Longing for Fatherhood

This is a repost that is ridiculously relevant in my life right now, and I really wanted to share it with you. Enjoy!

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of spending time with someone I care about very deeply.

I can't tell you her name, because it's complicated, but I can tell you about her (and I've been dying to do that).

This girl, she's about 5 years old. She's beautiful. She is usually high on energy and loves to talk. She loves playing, climbing trees, and putting together puzzles. In fact, she might even end up being smarter than me.

This girl isn't able to receive love from her parents on a regular basis. They don't have that right anymore. But she has her grandparents, and they love her well enough. They just weren't expecting to go through the parenting motions at this point in their lives.

Last time we visited this girl, we wanted to take her home with us. To let her know that she's loved. To prove to her that she has a home.

Instead (because kidnapping is frowned upon around here), we settled for having lunch with her, playing games, putting together a puzzle, and climbing trees.

I don't remember the last time I climbed a tree. And my lungs certainly don't remember either, because they were not very happy when I tried.

But it was for her. To show her that I love her. That I care. That I want to spend time with her and do the things she does and love the things she loves.

We climbed trees for what seemed like hours. She even climbed one that I told her she wouldn't be able to until she was bigger. She proved me wrong, and I was so happy for her.

Among the trees, she has a swing. And when we were done climbing, worn out and tired, she invited me to come sit by it. She told me all about how she swings, and how she has a pile of dead leaves that she collects next to the swing. She stood on the swing as it swung back and forth, telling me about how dangerous it was.

I added to her dead leaf collection that day. And though she probably doesn't remember it, that was a great (albeit silly) moment in my life.

She let me add to her life. To be part of it. To love and enjoy her company.

Someday, I hope I can do this full-time. I long to be her father. But if that day never comes, I know God is taking care of her, watching as she climbs those trees, climbing with her. I know he's there watching her swing and encouraging her to be a little more dangerous, even if it might hurt a little. I know he adds to her dead leaf collection from time to time. And I know he loves her.

I just hope that the day comes when I can join him in that.

... ... ...

Questions: What were your parents like? Were they able to play with you on a regular basis? Or did you have someone else in your life that filled that role?

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We Break Things

So, believe it or not, I love my wife.

Apparently, you seem to like her too. It seems that my most popular posts are about her. Like this one, for instance.

I've got a secret to tell you about us, though. Promise you won't tell?

Okay, well, here it is...

We... Well, we break things.

Before your mind gets going - no, this is not a post about an old country song I can't seem to get out of my head. 

We literally break stuff. All. The. Flippin'. Time. 

Prime example number one is the fact that my wife never blogs or posts on here - we would probably accidentally press the Nuke button on the blogosphere. And then she'd probably be ticked at me for ruining all of her favorite blogs. But that's beside the point.

Some real examples of things we've broken: our car window, our soap dispenser, our internet (frequently!), Kalyn's old laptop (may it rest in pieces...) and so, so much more.

We can't help it. We're a little clumsy. 

So we're careful. We take precautions. For instance, the only type of dishes that we own, besides mugs, are either Tupperware (which will survive World War III) or Corelle (which looks a lot like glass but is a lot more... droppable). 

Sometimes, though, we break things on purpose.

Eek... That was the part of our secret I wasn't supposed to let out. 

You see, we got married young. And though it may be "trendy," it's typically a big no-no where we live. It just doesn't happen much, and if it does, it ends quickly and doesn't end well. And since we started off breaking the rules, we figured we might as well continue.

So we unabashedly break them. 

Sometimes, I drive to school. Meanwhile, Kalyn walks. 

Sometimes, Kalyn carries stuff to the car for us, like laundry baskets or our bags. I carry the keys.

Sometimes, Kalyn plans our dates. And hey, sometimes I do, too.

Sometimes we joke about who's the "head" of the house. But we both know who the real leader is.

I know, I know. You're thinking I'm a terrible husband. Or that we're still young and haven't really figured things out yet. Or that we've murdered chivalry or some nonsense like that.

Well, this is the internet, so you're free to think want you want. 

But I'll let you know that, despite all of the things we've accidentally and purposefully broken, we're better people because of it. We love each other more deeply, and love God more passionately. We've become who we are because we're with each other, and we'd have it no other way. We'll be happily (and sometimes sadly, and sometimes angrily, and sometimes laughingly) married until God decides our poor lungs have had enough.

Doesn't sound like anything's broken to me. 

Does anything seem broken to you?

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Questions:  What does an "ideal" relationship look like to you? What sort of things do you break (or hope to break) in your relationship? 

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Stop Being Ugly

"It's what's on the inside that counts."

Tell me you haven't heard that one before.

Now that's ugly...

And even though we mean well when we say it, we know somewhere inside of us that what's on the outside does matter, even if we don't want it to.

Just take a look at what's popular in media: clothes (which make us look good), food (which we're trying to figure out how to eat in a healthy manner so we can look good), and exercise (which, once again, most of us do to look good). 

Let's face it: looks matter. They shouldn't, but they do. And I'm definitely guilty of this. Just check out my 52 goals for the year! Sure, I want to gain weight to be healthy, but I'm motivated mostly by the fact that I'll look healthier if I gain the weight I need. I say it's just so I'll feel better, but I want to look better too.

I wonder, though, if the adage about "what's on the inside" means more than we give it credit for. I especially wondered this yesterday, because I almost did it.

I was almost ugly. Butt ugly, in fact.

I had an appointment with the eye doctor, and it happened without much fanfare. However, every time I'm with any sort of medical professional, they ask about my medical history. And unless, for some peculiar season, they've read about Thing 1, Thing 2, or Thing 3 (my trifecta of chronic illnesses) on my blog, they have no clue what they're asking about.

Now I don't mind sharing about my illnesses. In fact, I enjoy it. However, afterward, I always seem to get down on myself. "I'm not as healthy as I should be," I think. "I should've taken better care of myself when I was younger," I remind myself. The thoughts keep coming, and eventually I've dug myself a hole that I can't see out of.

Yesterday, though, I didn't do it. I didn't get ugly. And I'm stoked to tell you about it. 

God sent me a couple of reminders of why I didn't need to get ugly. The first was in this blog post from The Handwritten (a blog I just recently discovered). There, God reminded me that I'm really not mad at him for making me how I am. And though I seem like I might be contradicting myself, I know that I like who I am and how I was made. 

I enjoy having flipped around insides and a plastic tube in my body that you can see, touch, and even press in. And on a rare occasion, I don't mind having a rare lung disease that no one can pronounce and that won't even be recognized by the upcoming ICD-10 coding system (a diagnostic manual that doctors use to diagnose illness). 

The second reminder came when I watched the movie The Help (which I highly recommend, by the way). At one point in the movie, one of the maids is talking with the main character, Skeeter, in a flashback. Skeeter is devastated because she hasn't been asked to the school dance, and she tells the maid that the boys think she's ugly. Constantine, the maid, responds beautifully:

"Oh, you quit feelin' sorry for yourself. Now, that's ugly. Ugly is somethin' that grows up inside you. It's mean and hurtin', like them boys. Now, you're not one of them, is you?"

It's when you're feeling sorry for yourself that you're at your ugliest.

Actually, scratch that.

It's when I am feeling sorry for myself that I am at my ugliest.

I've been there. I've done that. I've dug that hole and buried myself in it more than once. And I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm mad at the way God made me.

I'm done being ugly.

I know this is something I struggle with, and I'm thinking maybe one or two people reading this might as well. If you're in the same boat as me, don't feel bad - that's how we got there in the first place.

Instead, join me today in deciding to be who we are without regret. 

To be who we are without envying what we aren't.

To be who we are without being ugly.

... ... ...

Questions:  How do you devalue yourself? What tends to bring you down the most? What can you do today to intentionally avoid feeling sorry for yourself?

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photo credit: Ayla87 - sxc.hu

Remember What's Important

Today is Monday, which usually means yesterday was Sunday.

And since yesterday was Sunday, that means a guy named Tim Tebow played a game called football. And whether he did well or poorly, people were talking about him yesterday and are still talking about him today.

Have you heard of him?

Well, it turns out he did pretty well yesterday. But I'm not here to talk about Tim Tebow. Nope. I've got something more important to talk about.

Yesterday, Tim Tebow won a football game. After the game, he's required to meet with the press, and he did so enthusiastically. I listened to him talk (because I'm an avid football fan - I can't help it), and I was amazed.

The kid is clearly in a little over his head. But what he lacks in age, he makes up for in charisma. Tim Tebow bleeds energy, and it's evident that everyone around him is better for that.

Again, though, that isn't what's important. I'm not here to write about Tim Tebow. Or football. Or whether God favors the Broncos (because he doesn't). In fact, allow me to use good ol' Timmy to illustrate what I do want to talk about. Check out this interview with him after the game yesterday (skip to 1:15 if you don't want to watch it all).

Did you catch it?

In the midst of all the football mumbo-jumbo and nose wiping, did you catch it?

Tim reminded us all of what matters, and it had nothing to do with football.

In case you couldn't (or just didn't want to) watch the video, here's what happened. A reporter asked him, "Do you have a sense of what kind of phenomenon you are nationwide right now?"

His reply?

I’m very thankful for the platform God has given me…

It’s special to have the platform of playing football because I have an opportunity to affect people.

I was very excited to have Bailey Knaub here at this game… Football is amazing, we love it, but the real win is being able to comfort a girl who’s gone through 73 surgeries before the game and get a chance to go hang out with her now. That’s the biggest win of the day, so they’re both exciting, but that’s what I’m even more proud of.

Though Tim Tebow just set all kinds of records and was being lauded by the press as a nationwide phenomena, he remembered what was important. He remembered that he was just playing a game, and that the game was just a platform for something greater - in this case, comforting a girl who's been through more than any of us can imagine.

But like I said, I'm not here to write about Tim Tebow. I'm here to write about me. About you. About us.

Guys, gals, friends, family, and foes - we need to remember what's important. To remember what the "biggest win of the day" is for us. We slave over our jobs and our hobbies, whether that's writing, being a full time stay-at-home parent, or working whatever hours Wal-Mart will give us, and most days (especially Mondays), we don't enjoy it much.

But this week, even if just for a single moment, let's remember what's important. Let's put what's given to us as our "platform" in its proper place and use it for what its worth, even if we don't enjoy it

And then, let's see what's important: the people around us that matter the most. The people crying and dying for help. That someone who needs a helping hand. And those other someones we maybe neglect more than we should.

If there's anything you do today, let it be this:

Remember what's important. And then do something about it.

... ... ...

Questions:  What's your biggest win of the day? How do you remind yourself of what's important? How can you do something about that today?

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Stop Wasting Your Life

photo credit: 2020VG - sxc.hu

Sometimes, just sometimes, I waste time. 

Okay, we all know that's a dirty lie.

But seriously now. Sometimes I spend my time stalking people on Facebook, stalking people on their blogs, and stalking people on MySpace (as a last resort, naturally).

Now before you get your hopes up, I probably haven't stalked you lately. In fact, this year, it's going to be harder than ever to waste my time learning unnecessary details of my friends' lives.

You see, one of my goals for 2012 is to only spend 5 minutes a day on Facebook.

What?! How will I ever survive?

Well, contrary to popular belief, you don't actually have to ever get on Facebook to maintain a social life. Not at all! And I thought about doing this, but I quickly figured out that I wouldn't be able to post updates from Life Before the Bucket if I couldn't get on Facebook, so I nixed that idea.

You know what's crazy, though? Even if I only spend 5 minutes a day on Facebook this year, I'm still spending over 24 hours of my time in 2012 on the good ol' F-B. Can you imagine just sitting on Facebook for 24 straight hours? It's insane, really. And according to this article, if I'm like the average person, I spent over 90 hours of my year on Facebook in 2011.

But the truth is, I want 2012 to be better than 2011 was. I want to live life more fully than I ever have before. And I firmly believe that living life to the fullest does not include overdosing on Facebook.

I want to stop wasting my life. 

So what about you? If I've stalked you as well as I think I have, then I know that you're determined to make the most of your limited time in this life. That most likely means that you, like me, need to stop wasting your life.

For you, it might look different. Maybe you don't care about Facebook, but you can't go a day without playing Call of Duty. Or maybe your time-waster is perusing StumbleUpon.  Regardless of how you're wasting your life, I know that somewhere within you, you want to stop. I know this because you're still reading (and not because I stalk you).  You want to make something more of your life and want 2012 to be better than 2011.

It isn't difficult. Try it out for a week. Decide that you'll only spend 5 minutes, 10, 15, or however much time a day on Facebook or playing your favorite game. Give yourself a goal just for the coming week and see what it's like to have more time in your day.

I've been seeing this on my browser a lot lately
thanks to StayFocusd

And if you're like me and you need some accountability, check out Leech Block (if you're on Firefox) or StayFocusd (for Google Chrome). Each of these extensions limits how much time you can spend on designated websites, like Facebook or StumbleUpon, making your internet time that much more productive. These tools are especially great for me during the school year, as I tend to default to Facebook when I have homework to do (like most other college students).

EDIT: I had originally linked to the Chrome Nanny extension, but StayFocusd is actually what I meant to suggest - it's a LOT simpler. Check it out!

It'll be one less excuse that you have for not accomplishing your goals, so if you're fond of having excuses, maybe this isn't for you. But maybe you're tired of making excuses and you want to have more time to actually live life. If that's the case, try it out, even for just a day. You'll be surprised at how free you feel when you're freed from even one time-wasting obligation.

So you know what to do, and you know how to do it.

Make it happen, and make 2012 the best year you've ever lived!

P.S. If you need something productive to do while you're on the internet or as a break from work, check out Freerice.com!

P.P.S. I finally made an About Me and a Contact page. Check 'em out!

... ... ...

Questions: What is your favorite time-waster? How are you going to cut time-wasters out of 2012? What will you do with all of your extra time?

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Enjoying Life

As complicated as we make it, joy is a simple thing.

It isn't happiness - most of us know that.

It isn't monetary wealth - that should be obvious.

It is something more. Something we should strive for. We are able to find joy when we are able to praise God in what we are doing.

What does that have to do with the new year, though? How does joy help us to lose weight or to become a better person?

photo credit: lusi - sxc.hu

Take losing weight for instance. If you want to lose weight, don't do it in a way that you hate. It'll never work. No matter what you do, if you're not enjoying yourself, you're not going to be living life to the fullest.

Instead, find a way to lose weight (or whatever it is that you're doing) that allows you to praise God. This might mean doing things a little differently than they do it on the Biggest Loser. It might mean running. Or swimming. Or biking. Or all three!

Do what you truly enjoy to truly experience joy.

For me, this means finding a way to take 5000 pictures this year in a way that I find fulfilling. Last year, I had this same goal and fell short. There's a reason, though. I fell short because I let myself become paralyzed by the fact that I wasn't doing it "right" or wasn't becoming a photographer in the same way my friends were.

Don't let the fear of doing something "wrong" paralyze you from doing it at all.

And the best way to avoid this paralyzing fear? To find joy in what you're doing by enjoying what you do enough to be able to praise God.

Now this doesn't mean you have to be singing a song of praise to God while you're on mile twenty-six of your first marathon. Heck, you don't even have to be thinking of him. However, you do need to be enjoying yourself to truly be accomplishing something.

If you decide to praise God because of that - great.

If not, don't feel guilty. God didn't give us freedom in Jesus so that we would feel guilt every time we don't worship him. In fact, it's the exact opposite. Freedom means being able to do anything we enjoy that puts us in a better position to find joy and to be able to praise God.

Today, do yourself a favor and enjoy life.

You'll find yourself that much closer to discovering true joy.

... ... ...

Questions: What do you enjoy doing? What brings you the most joy? What facet of your life is hardest to enjoy?

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